DD friend is a furry/therian. Trying to encourage (strongly) my DD to be the same.

[Sockmate123]

What would you do in this situation? Child in class is 'recruiting' other children (mainly very quiet children) to be furries. She says she is a therian and presents as a wolf. School has banned her wearing wolf items to school but she still does on party days/world book day/non uniform etc
Parents seem to do littke about it
Quite older parents. Children are 10. My DD has so far not engaged but likes the child involved but is being pressured. It was her birthday recently and friend bought her a tail 🙄

I think this is completely weird. Child digs holes at lunch time, barks at people etc cute/acceptable up until age 5 or 6 but not girls that are on the cusp of puberty!

AIBU?
Yes- she's only a kid, will spon grow out of it.
No - its weird, school and parents should do more to address it

My son is 14. I’m still not worried about the kids who dressed up as animals and called themselves furries.

These are kids. Stop sexualizing children playing.

I think it is just important to understand there is a dark side to furries and you are all right it is a minority of adults that are using it as part of a sexual identity/fetish. We safeguard our children against all manner of things that could bring harm on them this is just another one of those. I think this child is vulnerable and is being very let down somewhere along the line and that’s really distressing to any parent or right thinking adult.

@Princessconsuelabananahammock9 I am concerned about the vulnerability of the child

Most furries turn into “normal” adults who just have a slightly unusual hobby, they have jobs and contribute to society and dress normally for those jobs, they indulge in their hobby in their free time. So if this kid really is a furry maybe she’s still learning the boundaries between what is appropriate and what’s not. She’s only 10, let her get on with it. This is a very new concept, maybe people need to be more open minded, it might be totally normal in 10 or 20 years time. There were many times in history when people thought things that are now completely socially acceptable were totally bizarre/crazy/the person must be mentally ill etc - eg. Homosexuality, a woman running the country, abortion, being trans. Maybe it’s just new and people don’t like new concepts because they don’t understand them yet. She may be mentally ill but by saying it’s likely that it is because her dad suffers from poor MH is a complete assumption and invasion of privacy. Her family's mental health is none of your business. And anyone who would, as some posters have suggested, try to get the authorities involved is ridiculous, what a horrible thing to do to a family who are just trying to be supportive of their daughter. Who knows how you'd react if it was your child, love and support are the most important things a child needs in their life

Why are they being "very let down"? They are just pretending to be a wolf. Moral panic at its finest.

i was talking in general. Why are you so keen to brush the pedal element under the carpet?

I tend to be very aware of any risk to my children. I am as aware of the risks of sports team coaches, teachers, priests who ever that may want access to children. Not all but some. There is specific genres of pornography attached to the fury genre, as I said it is a small minority but it is there. Did you read the bit where I said small minority of furries? Or did you read any of ops comments about this child being ignored by the parents? No you didn’t because you are on some weird crusade to protect adults that dress as fury animals. Moral panic? Fucking hell! Wanting to not have vulnerable children served up to men dressed as hedgehogs does not make me a pearl clutching old woman. All my posts have been reasonable and supportive. Yours haven’t. You keep flying the flag for those guys, I bet they appreciate it.

I don’t think she’s “just pretending to be a wolf” there’s clearly more to it than that. However if she is a furry so what? Why does it have to suddenly be assumed she’s at risk just because there’s a sexual element to it? There’s a sexual element to everything- going to a party, going to church, being babysat, risks are literally everywhere, it’s about educating the child so that she understands how to avoid those risks, not just banning everything- that doesn’t work and especially won’t work when she’s a teenager

@Roxietrees problem is who is talking to her? She is vulnerable so possibky taking on this persona as not happy, she needs support.

I don’t know if it was the right way to approach it but I explained that “furries” are a sexual thing, that some adults like to pretend to be animals and have sex with each other, and unfortunately children are learning the pretending bit and not the motivation behind it. My kids were disgusted so I think I might have put them off the idea 😆

i agree with you @Roxietrees just be aware of what they are looking at online and the risks involved just like every other risk. @DeskJotter i am not accusing you of anything nefarious. Apologies if it came across that I was. I think the furry/therian community has some amazing, artistic supportive elements to it. We just need to be aware that some bits are not.

But she's not being served up to men dressed as hedgehogs, she's pretending to be a wolf at lunch time.

And we explained that furries are not a sexual thing, except to a small minority. Like a small minority of priests or football fans. Religion and football are not "sexual things".

@DeskJotter it's not just at lunchtime, she is dressing up when outside of school. And by the sounds of it if school let her she would be dressing up all the time there too. Very big part of her life 'being' a wolf.

The horror!

The angle I’d take here is flattery: telling my dc that their friend is in a silly phase and that as my dc is mature they need to just humour this friend until they hopefully grow out of it.

There’s no point is there. You either care about keeping your kids safe and being aware of dangers or you don’t. Worry about them accessing a community with a murky underside, worry that a young child could be susceptible to vulnerable and you are starting a moral panic. Why bother?

There's a difference between playing horses in the playground - loads of girls did that - and identifying as a horse. Horses don't go to school, don't eat human food for dinner, and poop in a field.

Yes. And this 10 year old is going to school in her normal uniform and eating a normal lunch and living in a house. So what is your problem? Did you think she had joined a pack of wolves, and was now living in the wild?

Right. So if a child stopped going to school, started only pooping outside and refused to eat human food, THEN there would be some serious safeguarding concerns
As it is ,however..

At 10 a child does not know or know how to find the word 'therian'. I had to look it up myself so who has been putting these ideas in her head?

Someone mentioned that, at school, they had a friend who pretended to be a horse in the playground. In those days, no-one said 'you're a therian and identify as a horse'. They just said, you're pretending to be a horse but, in class, you act normally. It was no big deal.

If the 'therian' word hadn't been mentioned I would have said it was a child who was full of imagination. My grandchildren pretend to be princesses and warriors. My grandson has just written a book about a world war where his parents had died when he was young and he grows up and goes into the army. Just what children do to make sense of a confusing world.

However, use of that word makes me think that someone is using the child to live out their own fantasies and the school should certainly be doing something to reinforce normality.

As for your own child, I would explain that using your imagination to pretend to be different things or different people is fine but that to remember that she is her own person and shouldn't feel forced into doing anything she isn't comfortable with. And encourage her to talk to you even if she thinks you wouldn't like what she is saying.

@DeskJotter she is only wearing a normal school uniform as school have banned her wearing her wolf accessories but she does wear them outside school. This is a vulnerable child adopting a different persona probably as a result of her difficult family life. This is just not a game

She is eating human food and not pooing in a field, yes? So your analogy is ridiculous.

The difference is that pretending to be a princess is not seen as a ‘trans identity’ it’s just fantasy game. Which in truth is what therian/trans identities are too, a fantasy, which borders on delusion.

And what terrible danger do you see in this girl identifying as a wolf? What are your actual concerns?