DD friend is a furry/therian. Trying to encourage (strongly) my DD to be the same.

[Sockmate123]

What would you do in this situation? Child in class is 'recruiting' other children (mainly very quiet children) to be furries. She says she is a therian and presents as a wolf. School has banned her wearing wolf items to school but she still does on party days/world book day/non uniform etc
Parents seem to do littke about it
Quite older parents. Children are 10. My DD has so far not engaged but likes the child involved but is being pressured. It was her birthday recently and friend bought her a tail 🙄

I think this is completely weird. Child digs holes at lunch time, barks at people etc cute/acceptable up until age 5 or 6 but not girls that are on the cusp of puberty!

AIBU?
Yes- she's only a kid, will spon grow out of it.
No - its weird, school and parents should do more to address it

Pretending is very different to identifying and you know it is. Most girls including myself were forever pretending to be princesses or ponies or whatever, but I knew I was a girl and that I was only playing. Very different from identifying as an animal 100% of the time and recruiting (pressuring) others to do the same. My daughter plays all the time but she knows she's playing

🤣

Call it as I see it 🤷🏻‍♀️ I won't be playing into the deranged fantasies of kids who need better parents. Who else would I have to reckon with? The parents who allow their kid to identify as a wolf?

What do you mean by "identify as a wolf" - is that different in your mind from "pretend to be a wolf"

Do you not think some teasing would make the person act normal?
People would say "ewwww" to me when I picked my nose at school so I stopped doing that

Are you for real? I can't recall the last time a mumsnet post gave me so much rage.

My kids love to play game where they pretend to be cats. Never occurred to me that these were "deranged" fantasies. I thought they were just fantasies. I guess they need a better mother..

I misread your thread title and thought you wanted to encourage your child to be a “furry”

Quite possibly, yes. Just tell your child to stay away if you feel they would be sucked in.

@Kuretake that’s the whole point, some do ‘identify’ and so it is much more than a twenty minute game of playing as a wolf, cat, any animal of choice, and then you revert back to being you. That is what parents need to keep an eye on. Even if the child is not completely immersed in being a Furry or Therian there is a whole world out there on the internet linked to these concepts that no young child should see and they can do by just a click of a button. Again parents need to be aware. So when you think they are perusing the internet for craft/costume ideas they could inadvertently see something or be connected with someone they really shouldn’t, or they could choose to be immersed in that concept which again can have huge problems.

Parents need to be aware, and there are some very naive parents on here

But the school is not enabling this, op states the school has enforced the uniform policy. As for "dressup days" what can the school do if everyone can dress up they can't very well stop this child from dressing up as a wolf if she wants.
Not saying I think this is not worrying for Op, and we all know that if she trys to break up this friendship it could push dd closer....its a tricky one.

It's not, kids playing is normal. Kids identifying as an animal is not. You knew there's a difference. The fact that child knows the word therian is red flag enough. My DD pretends to be a mummy, a fairy, a cat, but it's during a game. If I saw "what are you?" She'll say "a girl duuhh" if op asked this kid what they were they would say wolf.

I haven't a clue what you're talking about.

I admit that I too had no idea what a furry or therian was.
It's bonkers.

In the old days there was no 'presenting as' - kids just liked to pretend they were something else.

This nonsense has to stop.

I don’t know if some posters are pretending to be stupid or are actually that stupid/naive

Elaborate?

@DevonCreamTeaPlease the poster who has just posted ‘I haven’t a clue what you are talking about’. The thread is 15 pages long with a number of explanations about this behaviour.

Fine if you didn’t know what a Therian was before or didn’t know how problematic it could be when you first opened the thread but then (even if you only skim read the responses) you can get the general idea or if you were one of the first to reply to say you don’t know what the OP is talking about, but 15 pages in

Sounds like you are projecting tbh.

There’s a lot of people doing this nowadays (projecting that is). It’s responsible for the type of moral panic that inspires the election of characters like Trump.

People ignoring the issue are why so many children are getting sucked into things on the internet.

I think it's quite common for tweens to wear tails and ears. Because it's fun/cute etc. I wouldn't have an issue with a child who wanted to wear them on non-uniform day.

However, the identifying as a wolf thing strikes me as worrying/sad. I'm wondering if the kid just isn't getting the attention they need from their parents or that their parents are just a bit too relaxed in what they're allowed to watch etc. It could also because they're not comfortable in their own skin. I wouldn't be surprised if they end up non-binary or trans (not in a judgy way... I've just seen it happen).

If your DD wants to wear a tail or ears as a fashion accessory, I'd go with that. To me it's the same as wearing Koi shoes or Kawaii inspired clothes. Just say it's up to her. Talk about how she feels about this behaviour though.

Do explain this. I'm not sure who this is aimed at.

I partly agree.
I've not heard of either because I don't have young children in school.
I thought at first it was a typo and read 'fury' (as in the Greek tragedies- the furies.) I did have to read on till I came to the word 'wolf'.

I think the poster you picked up was posting 'tongue in cheek'.
At first reading, I expect a lot of posters don't know what a furry and a therian are.
It's not mainstream knowledge for those of us with adult children.

Isn't this part of the whole 'gender' thing where anyone can identify as anything they want- even a wolf?

@pollymere I was mainly referring to the poster who 15 pages in, quoted the OP's initial post and stated they didn't know what she was talking about. How can you not know after 15 pages of discussion. Also refers to a number of posters who say we used to play at cats when I was a child etc and so it isn't a problem nowadays, completely ignoring the 'identifying' aspect and the horrors of the internet. Most children will just be playing at being a cat etc but some start going down a different route with the identifying aspect and that can lead to problems, especially if they are vulnerable or parents are not aware of what their DC is looking at or who they talking to on the internet.

Parents need to be mindful that this 'may' not just be innocent play of being a cat.

IMO - parenting includes teaching your child to get along in society in which you live. My opinion, is you are teaching child to be jbdep& employable adult.

Wolf … not employable

I have the same attitude, also as a teacher.

You're seriously suggesting that the Warrior Cat books, which have been around for many years, are grooming books? Christ.