To think ghosting a friend is cruel and actually quite narcissistic?

[SnugShaker]

Being ghosted by a friend is honestly one of the most hurtful things I’ve experienced. It leaves you questioning everything: Did I do something wrong? Were they ever really my friend? Am I overreacting?

I’ve read that people who ghost, especially in close friendships, are more likely to have narcissistic traits because they avoid discomfort, take no accountability, and rewrite the story in their own favour.

AIBU to think that unless there’s abuse or something extreme involved, ghosting someone you were close to is emotional cowardice, not “protecting your peace?”

Again? There have been so many of these threads recently.

Oh, you again. Yet another thread about people ghosting/being unsupportive, on which you’ll never post another message. 🙄

I’ve had a couple of friends ghost me since my cancer diagnosis, apparently it’s quite common.

I ghosted a friend after she let her child hurt mine again and said nothing, she’s a fucking idiot if she couldn’t work out why!

the alternative was I told her I never wanted to see her or her badly parented brats again. I was too mad at the time for a middle ground.

I have had two friends who are friends with each other (we all used to do a sport together) not respond to my requests to meet up. Although one does get in touch when she wants a lift to the annual sporting event. Anyway they don’t have time for me clearly. Saw one of them at an event recently and said hi but deliberately kept it short. Apparently she has recently been diagnosed with adhd. Not wishing to derail your thread but came on to say being ghosted isnt great tbh

Excuse me? I have never posted about ghosting before. There really isn’t a need for you to post such comments.

There can be so many different reasons for ghosting that I really don't think you can pigeon hole it as just being narcissistic, especially if they are doing it for their own sanity because it's the other person that's the problem.

There's been an endless stream of threads about ghosting recently.

Not everything shitty is narcissism.

I ghosted a friend - and not because I am a narcissist but because she was and refused to listen to anything I had to say about her behaviour or our relationship. Sometimes silence is the only thing some people understand.

People who ghost others are simply lacking in moral fibre. They don’t have the integrity and self awareness to be able to explain to someone why they no longer want to associate.

it says more about them than you.

but that doesn’t make it hurt any less

@SnugShakerit might be worth you searching for “ghosting” and you will pull up the other threads including one from yesterday and others not authored by you which have some comments from ghosters about why they did it. You are making some generalisation and it’s very easy to wheel out the personality disorders labels for behaviour you don’t like. I imagine each situation has its unique points on both sides. Perhaps you have to reflect on your own ghosting, accept any contribution you made and then get on with life? You can’t change other people, only yourself and your behaviour and responses.

What did you do?

Maybe you need to look at yourself? I ghosted someone who was desperate for a relationship despite having a girlfriend. He also blamed me for his friend being sectioned. I was having my own problems and couldn't be bothered dealing with that rubbish

I couldn't think of a good reason to stay friends

Agree. I ghosted and blocked a former friend after several attempts to discuss what I thought was toxic behaviour from her and her absolute refusal to carrot any opinion other than her own.

I’m mot the only former friend who has done the same so there’s definitely a common denominator- her!

It's a last resort imo and nothing to do with narcissism. In fact I’d say it’s more likely to be the narcs that are blocked rather than the exasperated firmer friends who say ‘enough’

YABU.

Narcissists don't ghost. They thrive on attention, why would they disconnect from a supply?

The best way to deal with Narcissists is to block them.

You can end a friendship without ghosting someone. Maybe you need to look at yourself.

That’s kind of the point - ghosting leaves you in the dark with no explanation. It’s not always about something someone did. Sometimes people just don’t have the emotional maturity to handle a conversation and the other person is left trying to piece it all together.

Doesn’t it get boring🙄

Especially as “narcissistic” is normally used on MN to mean “a person with whom I have fallen out or who doesn’t act exactly as I wish they would.”

“Stick a label on it if it troubles you” is the go-to coping tool around here.

Think we need to start ghosting these ghosting threads.

I don’t mean narcissists in the clinical sense necessarily… more that ghosting, especially in close friendships, can involve narcissistic traits like avoiding accountability, lack of empathy, and rewriting the narrative to suit themselves. I’m not talking about textbook NPD.

blimey apologies OP I wasn't aware you were a qualified psychiatrist or clinical psychologist.

Ghosting has its place in the interpersonal toolbox,

sometimes the alternative to ghosting is not satisfactory - depending on the characters involved -

I would ghost if I thought the ghostee just wouldn’t be receptive / would cause me grief / etc when I am trying to extract myself from a relationship that is not working

Nah, it's not narcissistic, it's just cowardly.

But given how many people seem unwilling to use their words lately, it doesn't surprise me.