To think ghosting a friend is cruel and actually quite narcissistic?

[SnugShaker]

Being ghosted by a friend is honestly one of the most hurtful things I’ve experienced. It leaves you questioning everything: Did I do something wrong? Were they ever really my friend? Am I overreacting?

I’ve read that people who ghost, especially in close friendships, are more likely to have narcissistic traits because they avoid discomfort, take no accountability, and rewrite the story in their own favour.

AIBU to think that unless there’s abuse or something extreme involved, ghosting someone you were close to is emotional cowardice, not “protecting your peace?”

I've ghosted one or two people over the years and my reasons for ghosting and not explaining to them is

Why would I basically show them how to treat the next person better? Why would I point out what they did wrong ect so the next person gets a better version snd they learn how to hide their nad behaviour better 😅

No thanks. They can keep repeating the same mistakes with everyone

I had to ghost someone whose reactions to my struggles was just bizzare. It was "I manage perfectly well and don't understand why you don't".

And her reaction to me being diagnosed with something was equally weird. She told me she hadn't heard of it and then asked why my parents hadn't noticed I was having problems. There's no obvious symptom

I didn't ghost him as such but I unfriended someone because we never talked which appeared to really bother him. Why would I be friends with someone i don't talk to?

Several reasons for ghosting someone:

They don’t listen.
They make every conversation about themselves.
They’re clingy.
They expect too much time and energy from me.
They complain about everything.
They bang on about purchases.
They take everything personally.
They expect instant replies to messages.
They send a barrage of short messages and camp on WhatsApp waiting.
They need help/favours with everything.
They bore me.

I had a couple of theories but I think that was my brain just clutching for something when the reality is probably not.

Friend was autistic, still lived with his parents and didn't have many friends. None of this was an issue to me at all of course!
I mentioned the confusion to another (also autistic) friend and she said that whenever we went out for the day or for night time drinks or whatever she noticed how easily I got talking to people and how it seemed so effortless for me to chat with a barman or waiter or another tourist in a queue or whatever. Said that she would admire it and try to pick up social skills but to some people with ASD perhaps it could spark jealousy or awkwardness. I'd have never have thought of that.

Another was that he spent a lot of the trip talking about politics and his strong views about the govenrment. I did join the conversation a lot obviously, I'm fine to talk about anything but I also often changed the subject because it was my birthday trip and frankly I didn't want it to just be full of doom and gloom.

Another is that one morning I didn't get up with him to go and get breakfast. I don't 'do' breakfast and would usually just sit and have a coffee but that morning I didn't feel like it and stayed in the hotel. Maybe he was offended?

Another was, while driving one day my blouse buttons popped open (on my belly area, nowhere rude) and I didn't notice for a while. I'm slim, but driving around with your belly out isn't a good look!(I was clutching wih that one)!
Another was, it had been arranged that we'd share the driving but when I got there I learned that he didn't currently have a car thus wasn't insured even third party for mine, so I had to do all of the driving. I was okay about it but I may have seemed a little disappointed, which I was, it was a four hour drive to get to his neck of the woods in the first place.

Another was he said that he planned on becoming a BTL landlord, during one of our conversations. I told him he'd need a residential property first and he seemed upset that he hadn't thought of this.

Maybe I was just a bit annoying after sampling the glorious cornish cider (which he also had plenty of so I don't think so).
I don't know. I've not thought about him in years until this thread. I still miss our chats and closeness though and I do hope he's okay.

I did the same - a friend's son bullied mine and she went into full on defensive mode and tried telling the school I had made it all up - not knowing it was the school who had contacted me about her son's behaviour towards mine not vice versa. She doesn't actually know that I know that she went to the school and tried to lie about me, so she probably thinks I randomly cut her out of my life..

How come the line "you can end a relationship for any reason" gets trotted out when someone wants to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but not if it's a friendship?

Why do we owe a friendship another chance or an explanation? It makes no sense.

"Women are not rehabs for men" So why should we be for friends?

The majority of people that ghost, do so because there's no other way to get through to the person.

Maybe not with the situation with the autistic friend that is the ghoster. Maybe he was just done and it has more to do with him than what the poster did wrong. Which is fine.

I would ghost in a heartbeat if my 'friend' is an energy vampire and sucking my soul dry for years on end. Like another poster earlier, I would wear that badge with pride. I am older now and have given too much with too little in return and value my own sanity more.

I guess both thing but a different mutual friend said something about it recently. I guess you are right and not relevant to the thread

Good post @TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit 👏 (At 11.06 today.)

@ItsAWonderfulDayForPie

100% this. ^ This pretty much covers the reasons I 'ghosted' this woman I mentioned in my post from yesterday. (6th April at 21.03.)

I had a close friend of 15 years do an ever so slow and steady exit out of my life about 10 years ago. She never told me what I'd done and for several years I wondered why.

Then maybe three years ago I found myself in a situation where a friend of mine was struggling with intense loneliness. She was very very hard work and I was thinking about backing off. But then I remembered the intense loneliness I'd struggled with about a decade ago and realised it had coincided with the time my ex friend had started to exit from my life.

I reckon I'd become appalling company, she hadn't realised the extent of my loneliness and just thought I was pain in the arse and didn't want to be friends anymore. I imagine that she had absolutely no idea how to articulate what she was feeling and even if she did I'm not sure I could have changed it.

When I had a friend who was lonely I decided to not walk away, and I'm very glad I didn't as the friendship is the best it's ever been.

I do think though that the friend who walked out on me probably did the right thing. She didn't wanna be in the friendship so she got out, without there being a memory of a horrible argument or any nastiness.

I had a close friend of 15 years do an ever so slow and steady exit out of my life about 10 years ago.

That sounds like the opposite of ghosting though, a gentle exit from the friendship due to growing apart sounds like just part of life.