To be terrified of being a MIL one day?!

[ChronicallyOnLime]

this is relatively lighthearted by my god.. there seems to be a trend of MIL-hate everywhere I look.

I have a DS and the thought of his future partner not liking me makes my stomach drop. The stories I’ve read make me think I’d probably be one of the nicer ones.. I wouldn’t feel the need to have an opinion on everything in their own-together lives. But I fear that just being a MIL is seen as a total shit-show regardless of what you do.

Does anyone else with a son worry about being a hated MIL?! 🤣 DS is only 3 though.. so I have a long time to worry.

Funny you say this as there are two recent threads that come to mind the mil to be who's upset her son is taking his wife to be name double barrel with his own and another woman who is upset his son won't visit every month to see her and the extended family and blames the gf for this. This might be why mils of boys mums get such a bad wrap but it's not regardless to what they do.. what they doing is usually shit! 😳🤦‍♀️ sorry this was meant to be lighthearted wasn't it... 🤣🤣🤣

Nobody is coming on mumset to rave about how lovely their MILs are, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t out there!

I love my MIL. She never interferes but provides practical support when I ask for help. She’s kind but not soft. Interesting and a great conversationalist but not overly opinionated about our lives and how we live them. She’s a strong woman I look up to and we have very different interests but I truly respect her. Channel that vibe 🙂 Good MILs do exist and I am grateful for mine!

No, I'm not worried. My ds is 17 and hasn't got a girlfriend yet, but I'm not a difficult person to get on with and I have no particular concerns about being a MIL. My MIL is nice. There are a few topics we don't necessarily see eye-to-eye on, but we get on well enough!

My DH had a super close relationship with his late DM. She was such a lovely and generous person - endlessly supportive of us, but also of me and my career and my passions, in ways she didn't have to be. Which isn't to say she never rubbed me up the wrong way! But I miss her everyday and I'm so sad she didn't get more time with it kids. My DD has her smile.

All of which is to say, lots of people really like their MILs! They just don't post about them in AIBU.

I love my mil. Don't get me wrong, she's always been mad as a box of frogs and I'm glad we don't live in the same town. But we have never had a cross word ok once over a misunderstanding, quickly resolved, have a laugh together, and enjoy each other's company. I love her 😊

I've never started a thread about her though, because there has been no need! I'm sure most people are in that category op.

I just think you see a lot of bad mil threads on here because people generally come on here when they have a problem. Not many posters come here just to let everyone know what a great mil they have.

I think it’s one of the those things that seems very popular on here, but you don’t see in real life. Along with people having useless husbands, not answering the door, and not knowing how to google things.

You haven’t met my MIL.

My ex-MIL is LOVELY. I've been divorced over 10 years but I'm still on really good terms with my ex-MIL and we meet up regularly. She's super lovely (unlike her idiot son) and I want to keep her in my life as well as my daughter's life.

My PIL were both great, always nice to me, welcoming etc but without being pushy or demanding.

The very nature of posting means that you only see problems with MILs on here. People post for advice or to vent, not just to say how lovely family members are.

I have 2 amazing DDiL and adore them. One thinks more of me than her own Mum (but then I’ve never abused her).
One of my DS has a gf from hell but I still wouldn’t dream of treating her badly, when I see her.

I have 2 lovely MILs (DH parents divorced). My mum died not long ago and his mum has been so supportive and lovely. She’s so thoughtful and kind. Stepmum equally as lovely and we probably have more in common and have a laugh together, she’s not motherly but like spending time with her just as much.

My dd thinks she will stay with her current bf and eventually marry him. If she does, her MIL will be bloody wonderful...dd and I both think she's fab!

ETA that my own MIL was wonderful too, but sadly died years ago. 😥

i get on ok with mine but that’s for my husband her and fil are just not nice people. This isn’t just towards me but anything that doesn’t fit with their views of how things should be. Yet my auntie treats her dil like a second daughter and they show a lot of love towards each other.
i think if you are a decent person and treat you ds and any future partner well you will be fine.

I’m pretty laid back and very aware not to over step, in any situation. I don’t take offence easily, and I respect that my adult DC are individuals in their own right, and I have no control over decisions they take once they are adults. DS2 has a GF of 2.5yrs, and she is lovely. But yes. There is a lot of MIL hatred. I have a busy life, and won’t be sad if they don’t visit enough as I have a busy career and lots of friends. No expectations of monthly visits or if they want to change their name!!

I had the best MIL. Bonkers and eccentric but kind, supportive and thought I was great. Her and fil showed me that loving your kids and grandkids equally and being their biggest cheerleaders was the way to go.
I've got daughters but apply the same principle to their partners and kids.

No, not really. People generally only post on here when there's an issue so it doesn't really represent what happens in real life. My mum has never had an issue with her daughters in law. My mil was difficult but it's not like it blew up into a big drama, we still saw her regularly.
I would say it's rare amongst my friends and family to have real big, cut them off style drama with the in laws.

I love my MIL - even before DC I would go and see her for a cuppa or shopping if my DH was at work, there is hope LOL

I’m really looking forward to being a MIL

I’ve learned from the best about what not to do

No, not at all. But then I have a great relationship with my MIL as does SIL with my mum.

Nightmare MILs are not the norm, but what would be the point in a thread that is "my MIL is nice and normal and we get along fine"? Of course you only see threads where there are problems.

If it helps my Dds seem to like their Mils and I've not heard Dds say anything negative about them. I also quite liked my late Mil she was a fantastic gran and never over stepped.

Some of the awful Mil stories you read on here the Mils don't sound that bad and it's mountain out of molehill issues.

My MIL and FIL were and are fab. It takes time to build a relationship and sometimes you need to move on from things, but to be honest we had a great relationship and miss her being around.

OP, it’s not just a matter of how reasonable you are, it also depends on how close your DIL is to her own mother. I have a delightful DIL, but I don’t see her that often because she has her own mother with whom she is very close - and we live on the opposite side of the country from my son and his family. There are lots of things that come into the MIL - DIL relationship, and I think all you can do is try to be accommodating, bite your lip over parenting that is perhaps not what you would have done, and enjoy the DGC when they come along.

Yes! 2 sons here. My MIL only has boys too and she's fantastic so I'm planning to copy what she's done in the future 🙈