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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hottest day, just broken up from school - don't just pop roundnd

126 replies

Overhaul54 · 05/04/2025 15:31

Yes done to death on here but my lovely friend has just popped round uninvited. Again. I live alone ( except for when DS is back from uni ) so it's just me to do everything.
It's 3 in the afternoon on a boiling day and I was in my tiny garden in a n old bikini reading Looking shite and sweaty ( she knows I love sunbathing).Just came in for a wee.
My house is one room downstairs so anyone coming round literally sees any mess ( sun-dried washing waiting to be ironed, life admin on the table some presents to be wrapped ),
The front door is that wobbly glass so people outside can see movement inside
She used to teach. Surely she knows that the first day you break up is a bloody holiday to do what you want. Just phone first it's not hard.

OP posts:
Ace56 · 05/04/2025 15:38

Wouldn’t bother me too much if it’s a friend…I’d probably just shout through the door ‘hang on, just getting some clothes on!’ and quickly throw something on/tidy up a bit.

faerietales · 05/04/2025 15:39

Meh, wouldn't bother me. I just wouldn't answer the door if I didn't want to chat.

SedumRoof · 05/04/2025 15:42

Just don’t answer the door if you don’t want to see someone! This is one of the many scenarios where you can only control your own behaviour, not wish other people could psychically intuit what you’d prefer them to do.

marshmallowfinder · 05/04/2025 15:44

Just say hi, I'm afraid it's not convenient today but we must get together for a catch up soon. How about next Thursday..?

tryingeverys · 05/04/2025 15:46

I just wouldn’t open the door tbh

ThejoyofNC · 05/04/2025 15:46

Have you actually told her you don't like unannounced visits?

INeedAnotherName · 05/04/2025 15:48

The front door is that wobbly glass so people outside can see movement inside

^^ That is your problem. Get that changed asap.

Original poster
Overhaul54 · 05/04/2025 15:48

SedumRoof · 05/04/2025 15:42

Just don’t answer the door if you don’t want to see someone! This is one of the many scenarios where you can only control your own behaviour, not wish other people could psychically intuit what you’d prefer them to do.

My loo is in the "hall" by the door. Essentially from the front door you can see all the way I. To the back door ( including stairs).
There was no where to hide.

Actually yelling through the letterbox might have worked although I still wasn't keen on her seeing my meds.

OP posts:
Original poster
Overhaul54 · 05/04/2025 15:56

ThejoyofNC · 05/04/2025 15:46

Have you actually told her you don't like unannounced visits?

Sort of. But she's one of those people that say "but it's just me"
She's incredibly lovely but she's very tidy, busy well organised and loaded
She's got proper coffee or wine or nibbles permanently in stock. I drink black instant and (don't drink milk) or water .Feels rude not being able to even offer a proper drink

OP posts:
faerietales · 05/04/2025 15:57

Overhaul54 · 05/04/2025 15:48

My loo is in the "hall" by the door. Essentially from the front door you can see all the way I. To the back door ( including stairs).
There was no where to hide.

Actually yelling through the letterbox might have worked although I still wasn't keen on her seeing my meds.

Show quote history

You don't need to hide - just don't answer.

Original poster
Overhaul54 · 05/04/2025 15:59

Overhaul54 · 05/04/2025 15:48

My loo is in the "hall" by the door. Essentially from the front door you can see all the way I. To the back door ( including stairs).
There was no where to hide.

Actually yelling through the letterbox might have worked although I still wasn't keen on her seeing my meds.

Show quote history

Not meds! Mess !

OP posts:
RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 05/04/2025 16:00

Sounds like a massive over-reaction to me. You don't like her much, do you?

BakelikeBertha · 05/04/2025 16:01

So you think your friend would judge your mess, even while taking advantage of your kindness in allowing them to use your loo in an emergency? If that's the case OP, I think you need new friends!

SedumRoof · 05/04/2025 16:02

Overhaul54 · 05/04/2025 15:48

My loo is in the "hall" by the door. Essentially from the front door you can see all the way I. To the back door ( including stairs).
There was no where to hide.

Actually yelling through the letterbox might have worked although I still wasn't keen on her seeing my meds.

Show quote history

Yes, you said. My study in our last house was right next to the front door, with a window beside the front door. I would just wave and say I wasn’t up for visitors and to call me to arrange a time that worked for us both. No need to hide. Just communicate clearly. No one has you at gunpoint to let them in.

Original poster
Overhaul54 · 05/04/2025 16:05

BakelikeBertha · 05/04/2025 16:01

So you think your friend would judge your mess, even while taking advantage of your kindness in allowing them to use your loo in an emergency? If that's the case OP, I think you need new friends!

Er ? I needed the loo. Hence not being.able to hide.
If she needed the loo fine but even then she could check to say "are you in' and I can put clothes on and tidy a bit.
Behind me is literally the only downstairs room aside from a tinney kitchen

Hottest day, just broken up from school - don't just pop roundnd
OP posts:
Watermill · 05/04/2025 16:11

Why do you need to hide? Just don’t answer the door.

She needs “training” OP.

SalfordQuays · 05/04/2025 16:13

I’m with you OP. I don’t like random callers either. It’s all very well people saying don’t open the door, but as OP has said, her door is glass, so her friend could see she was in. If she didn’t answer the door the friend would know she was avoiding her, and that would be rude. OP doesn’t want to offend her friend, just doesn’t want an unscheduled visit.

Watermill · 05/04/2025 16:14

It’s not rude though @SalfordQuays . That’s the point.

Bumdrops · 05/04/2025 16:15

I feel ya pain OP !!
dont come round unannounced, infact dont bother coming round at all !!! When I want to see u I’ll get in touch and suggest we meet somewhere out !!

luna2025 · 05/04/2025 16:16

I’m more jealous of the heat. It’s 16c here!

JazzyBBBG · 05/04/2025 16:21

The door isn't that see through but put a curtain up if it bothers you. You can even drape a t shirt on it I did that once at Halloween when I was on my own!

Sparklepoet · 05/04/2025 16:21

I don't always like unannounced visitors either. I think the only way to avoid it, given your house layout, is to replace the front door. Or you could potentially get a velcro black out blind that you could use on the front door to cover the glass when you don't feel in the mood for visitors.

SalfordQuays · 05/04/2025 16:23

Watermill · 05/04/2025 16:14

It’s not rude though @SalfordQuays . That’s the point.

Each to their own, but I would feel rude walking past the glass door and ignoring my friend knocking. Next time I saw her she’d say “why didn’t you answer door” and I’d have to say “because I didn’t want to see you”. Personally I don’t have that kind of blunt relationship with my friends. If it wasn’t a glass door it would be easy. I wouldn’t answer the door and would claim, if asked, that I was out. But OP can’t do that.

Gardenhaurs · 05/04/2025 16:24

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 05/04/2025 16:00

Sounds like a massive over-reaction to me. You don't like her much, do you?

What a ridiculous observation

Crunk · 05/04/2025 16:30

I wouldn’t have been too happy with that either. I’m currently in very ugly shorts and ignoring a very messy house! As PPs have said, pop a curtain or blind on the door but until you get that sorted, leave the toilet door open to block the view when you don’t want to be disturbed.