Hottest day, just broken up from school - don't just pop roundnd

[Overhaul54]

Yes done to death on here but my lovely friend has just popped round uninvited. Again. I live alone ( except for when DS is back from uni ) so it's just me to do everything.
It's 3 in the afternoon on a boiling day and I was in my tiny garden in a n old bikini reading Looking shite and sweaty ( she knows I love sunbathing).Just came in for a wee.
My house is one room downstairs so anyone coming round literally sees any mess ( sun-dried washing waiting to be ironed, life admin on the table some presents to be wrapped ),
The front door is that wobbly glass so people outside can see movement inside
She used to teach. Surely she knows that the first day you break up is a bloody holiday to do what you want. Just phone first it's not hard.

i think it’s really intrusive to turn up unannounced, I always text first

Tbh I would be happy if someone popped round but I know most people on mumsnet think it is the height of bad manners.

I wonder if it’s a class thing? I grew up with neighbours walking in and out of each other’s houses all the time.

To a good friend I’d say ‘Yeah come in Susie, bloody ‘ell why don’t you ping me a text!! I’m in a right old state. If you said half an hour ago you were popping in I’d have nipped and got some milk and biscuits. Christ I might have even had chance to put on a bloody T-shirt on, you have seen my minging bikini I’ve had since 1998 now! She’ll reply ‘oh don’t be silly it’s only me’ and you say ‘yeah but 30 mins warning is all I need, I love seeing you but I hate people catching me when I’m so untidy, your house is always pristine.’

Nice cream blind for the front door.

Ever!

I agree that it's rude to turn up unannounced when it's so easy to check in first. She may not mind people popping round unexpectedly, but as an adult, it doesn't take much imagination to understand that not everyone feels that way, even with their friends. Some people seem to make a point of ignoring that obvious fact.

I'd definitely put up a curtain or cling film and just wait for them to leave next time, if I wasn't in the mood for visitors.

Yep, I hate this and I have the exact same problem at the moment with a very pushy friend. My back garden is completely open so she can just walk on round, plonk herself down and not leave until a minimum of two hours of chat have passed , including her whole life and medical history. How are we supposed to have a private life when people behave like this….

Frosted glass sheets or a curtain is needed

So did I. That’s why I hate it.

I don’t have any problem at all with people popping in for two minutes, for example to tell you something or drop something off. It’s people who show up expecting to be welcomed in for hours and entertained that are the problem.

Yes it's weird and rude when people so this. I think it's super inconsiderate too. Basically I don't care what your plans were because I wanted to come round. Don't understand how people wouldn't be bothered by it

This is a you issue rather than a person living alone issue.

Plenty of people live alone but still have tea or coffee or soft drinks or wine etc to offer visitors.

What all of them and old time even when you are half naked ( not in a good way)?

Mates you see every week …ok
Neighbourhood friends ?
Work friends?
Friends you’ve not seen for years but love dearly?
Friends from some hobby club?
Family friends?

There’s context here.

Just don’t answer. Walk upstairs.
when she asks tell her you didn’t hear her. If she says you must have then tell her you probably had headphone on as you were chilling and listening to a podcast (if you listen to them. Music if you don’t)

tell her you often do that when you are chilling and she should text next time

I hate it when people don't text to see if it's convenient to come round!

Surely she can't see movement through your wobbly glass from you in the garden though? I'd have stayed in the garden and ignored the door. If that's generally a problem when you're in the house though-definitely get a door curtain.

Missing the point here but where are you to be in a bikini! We are SE England and the sun is out but it's bloody cold in the wind. Lucky you!

You need a non-see-through front door. We all need to be able to ignore people knocking sometimes.

Yes, your mate should know better. I'd say it's bordering on rude.

@Overhaul54 I dont like unannounced either . I’d get some long life milk in or /and a decent coffee and wine .

I grew up on estates and in social housing a women's refuge, we had everyone and his mother in and out of everywhere we lived, no privacy at all until I got to foster care, they give you locks on the bedroom doors! Was bliss!

@Brefugee if I was about to go out, or in the middle of something specific, then I could say “sorry I’m really busy, could we rearrange another time”. But if I was just chilling out and really didn’t feel like socialising, I would feel bad telling my friend I didn’t want to see them. I always worry that if I’m not available when my friends need me, they might not be available when I need them. Friendship is give and take. It’s not unconditional.

With mobile phones there is really no need now.

My MIL lived in a flat and people came by all the time, fine, she didn’t do anything though. Someone coming round was only interrupting her doing house stuff she didn’t want to do.
Personally I plan my free days and I don’t want to be interrupted and change because someone else doesn’t have something to do.

Surely she can't see movement through your wobbly glass from you in the garden though?

Had come in for a wee. Bad timing.

I agree with people who think it’s a door/house problem. The other issue is if you do a poo and then answer the door it’s really embarrassing. A (different) friend came round at 8am to drop off my birthday present before work - I was in the loo doing my pre school run poo when my son opened the front door to her. That’s mortifying when it’s all so close.
You can’t use the stairs without anyone at the front door seeing and anyone in the gardens can hear everything in the upstairs bathroom. It’s all poor design.

Hampshire. I have a sun trap of a garden because it’s small and south facing. It was very hot today - definitely summer temps.

I'm in awe that it was warm enough for a bikini 👙 I've been under an electric blanket all day.

I have no issue with a) friends dropping in and b) telling them it's not convenient and I'll call later to make plans.

OP on the other hand has problems with both

I've told all my friends I can't cope with unannounced visits so they must call first. I had one friend who did it regardless so we had a long chat about boundaries.