Work colleague has decided to come on holiday with me — again...

[Craquedechevalier]

I work in a school (admin, not teaching). Every year for the last 11 years, I've been away on my own over the summer half-term to attend a big literary festival. My DH and DC have never wanted to come. Both children are now in their 20s.

I register as a volunteer for the festival, book a campsite for a week, do my volunteering duties and attend events at the festival, read, sleep lots, eat what I want and do some work remotely. I have several friends who do similar. It's my 'me' week and I look forward to it very much. Several people at work know what I do and occasionally they turn up at the festival for a day or two. We bump into each other at the festival site, have a coffee — not a problem.

Last year I arrived on the campsite and was setting the van up when someone banged on the window. It was a colleague with her 7-year-old daughter, asking for help to put their tent up. They were camping on the same site in a tent for the week. I helped out, reluctantly. Then they wanted to come in and join me in the van because there was a chilly wind and they were cold. I made them drinks, they poked around the van and didn't seem to want to leave. It went on like that. The weather wasn't great and whenever I was in the van they'd come round and expect to sit with me in the warm or have hot drinks or a meal. They had a car and went out sometimes during the day, but never brought back a takeaway or food to help out. I felt under pressure to host them and so ended up avoiding the van as much as possible. One evening my colleague asked me to look after her daughter while she attended a comedy gig at the festival. She'd already bought a ticket: I didn't feel as if I could say no. I felt as if I'd lost all my down time to looking after them.

They left a day early, which was a relief: they weren't prepared for the reality of camping and from what my colleague said in the weeks afterwards, she had no intention of going back again. Yesterday afternoon I bumped into her in the corridor and she announced that she'd bought a better tent and mattress and thermal leggings and she and her daughter were booked again. Same campsite as me. 'We can hang out like last year' she said.

I'm already booked into the campsite and on the volunteer rota, so I'm committed. How can I politely say that they spoiled last year's break for me, and I'm not doing it again?

She is entirely a CF; she bought a ticket for a comedy gig on the unfounded assumption that you would mind her child. You need to nip this in the bud NOW, before she manages to make ruining your holiday an annual tradition - even if it means 'offending' her.

If all else fails, when she knocks the door, do that old 'pretend to stand smooching in a corner' thing where you wrap your arms around yourself and pretend-cuddle your own back...

^^ this is sheer genius

Sure you do.

Ha. Yeah. I can guess how thst would go.

"Perhaps you weren't aware, but Craque goes to Hay [yes, it's the Hay Festival] in order to spend time alone and take a break from having to socialise and look after people. She's a miserable old bugger.'"

CF - oh not at all, we had a lovely time last year and we've already planned to do it again this year. Why, has she complained about me to you?

Friend can now go one of two ways. Drop you in it or assure cf you've said nothing, thus enabling cf to double down on her claim that you all enjoyed it.

I just want to ask why you work remotely when you're on half term break? Stop that nonsense.
Back on topic: say you're on the AA 12 step programme and she's put you back to step 2

I think it's possible for the OP to assert her needs truthfully without being as unpleasant as that.

I am not available, when I am not busy volunteering I really need quiet alone time to recover. I love my time at (festival) but it's also exhausting and if I spend my downtime socialising it will spoil the whole thing for me, so please don't include me in your plans - I'm sure you'll have a brilliant time. (Change subject to something else)

I think you need to stop with the excuses and saying 'I can't because ..' and be honest with her.

'I don't want to babysit your daughter/invite you in for a cup of tea/be used for the warmth of my van'

She doesn't care one bit if she rudely imposes herself on you, why are you being so careful with her feelings?
Time to stand up for yourself OP and put some firm boundaries in place. Don't be afraid of telling her the truth.

Honestly, I am sitting here and just about every expletive I know is popping up.
Firstly, you don’t take your own family because you need the break. If you wanted company you would take them.
Secondly, just tell her and don’t give two shiny shites if she’s offended. You are volunteering to help all at the event, not host her.
She is a CF of the highest order because she’s telling everyone how helpful you were without asking you if any of it was okay. It’s not blinking okay. It’s floody rude.
I am cutting down on my swearing by the way for Lent but I’m sorry the shiny shites popped out.
Act now or she will keep doing this and she’s ruining your time.

I’m a single parent and taken my child to festivals on my own. I would never shove myself on someone like this woman. She knows what’s she’s going the cheeky fucker!

I go to festivals and stay on a separate campsite to the people I go with as I have a camper. Bloody love that bit of me time 😂

Don't apologise or over explain. It's not selfish to want your own time and to make that clear.

Great ideas from pp, but I wouldn’t even offer to meet up/have coffee/one meal, or she might think more than once is ok. Leave those offers out! Love the idea of getting another colleague to say how much you’re looking forward to’me’ time with nobody knocking on the door.

Stop looking for reasons why this or that won’t work - otherwise no one can help you. You know how long the volunteer sessions are, but she doesn’t, does she? Lie, for heaven’s sake!

Start preparing now. Drop into conversation how you’ve signed up for so much this year that you’ll barely have a minute to yourself. The last time you see her before the festival, say “I might not get a chance to see you next week given how busy it’ll be for me. Have a lovely time if I don’t see you!”

And if (or rather when) she turns up at the van with a cheery “Yoooo-hoooo!”, you need to make sure you’re just on your way somewhere, or just about to take a shower, or a nap - anything other than being free.

I'm reading this for tips. (I need a backbone, I know.)

A former work colleague has invited herself on a short break with me - not yet arranged. I was prepared to see how it went, but now she's inviting a friend of hers...

Fortunately, I've discovered that the hotel doesn't take dogs and they have at least 3, possibly 4 between them.

People seem to live in constant fear of offending anyone these days to the point of tying themselves up in absolute knots hiding away or looking for ways of avoiding just telling them. She might be a single mum, it might he hard for her but she's not completely incapable of entertaining her own kid. Honestly life is so much easier when you stop tip toeing around people scared to say anything for fear of what people might think of you. If they do think badly of you just because you're honest then they weren't worth your time worrying about anyway.. Sorry but I really struggled last time. I go there for time alone and wasn't really planning to have to look after anyone or babysit. It's my escape from all that and this year I need some time alone.

Agnes is a CF.
She caught you for babysitting??
Ffs, she thinks you are a soft touch.
She's correct.

You can't really value your week or you would not have accepted that last year.

Agnes needs to be told that yours is a child free me time week and I really have zero interest in hosting or being imposed upon, or babysitting peoples children that randomly knock on the window.

She is a rude CF.

Do not “soften it” by proposing coffee or any kind of meet up at the fair. Its not necessary and it leaves you open to her assuming it means getting back in your van.

If it's not yet arranged then there's no problem

You're probably right @ilovesooty - like the OP, I'm sometimes too polite IRL for my own good!

It's great to hear the straight talk here. I really sympathise with @Craquedechevalier - I'd probably have looked after the colleague as she did.

God, how bloody annoying, OP. I really feel for you.

I would find that really awkward too. She’s thick skinned, isn’t she, insinuating herself into your space.

if you can wangle it, I’d try and arrive after she does, so you can set up your spot as far away from her tent as possible.

It's a shame they don't have drying rooms. I'd rather take plenty of extra clothes than put up with this. Although she wouldn't be bothering me anyway as it would have been nipped in the bud.

She doesn't need to lie if she establishes her expectations beforehand. And talking in terms of "I might not get a chance to see you" implies that she'd want to see her. She doesn't want to and needs to make that clear.

Some posters seem certain she's being deliberately rude and self-serving. I can see why they might think that but equally, I can also imagine the intrusion being well-intentioned. Many people think company is required as standard and a lack of it is a vacancy to be filled.
I'm not sure she's being exploitative so much as unaware.

In either case, the "I choose to be alone" chat should suffice.

This is horrendous OP, what a cheeky cow!

I hate confrontation but I’d be very disappointed in myself if I let this go

"That doesn't work for me"