Nutella for toddler breakfast

[FanofLeaves]

This is not a food bashing thread, I don’t care who wants to eat Nutella for breakfast in their own households 🤣

More just to canvas opinion.

Currently have a 3.5 year old who is pretty much refusing to eat meals. Nothing wrong with his appetite if offered crisps and biscuits, naturally, but I’m getting really stressed out that he’s not being adequately nourished. Seems to eat ok at nursery but he’s only there three days a week and they probably give them pigeon portions and almost certainly say he’s eaten more than I suspect he has. At home it’s mostly a shit show, I can’t seem to get anything proper into him. I’m trying so hard and doing everything I can think of and it’s really getting me down.

anyway so I’m having a crack down. Today we were supposed to be going out, nothing special just a trip out to the woods to mess about with his toy dinosaurs and an ice cream on the way home but it’s a beautiful day.

He should have woken up ravenous as he ate about 5 pieces of pasta for tea last night, so I asked him what he wanted for breakfast. Egg on toast, great. Make it for him and he won’t even look at it. I take it away, give him half an hour and try again. Same. So I’ve says until he eats either that or cereal or natural yogurt and fruit for breakfast we are not going anywhere. So he’s flinging himself about on the sofa sighing but refusing any offers of breakfast.

DH gets up, I briefly fill him in. Come back to him offering DS Nutella on toast which I have said no to and DS is now crying because he wants that. On the one hand, great, it’s food and we can crack on with the day but on the other, it just proves my point that he’s happy to eat what I regard as ‘treat’ breakfast items (and have no problem with but not in place of adequate nutrition) and is refusing regular food.

So would you just give in and make the bleeding Nutella on toast 🤣 I’m sticking to my guns but just interested.

And yeah it’s not a very exciting thread, but I have time on my hands now we are in a stand off trapped inside 😅

The ice-cream shouldn't be seen as a treat, though, that's what people are trying to say. Food is food.

As long as a child's diet is balanced overall, a one-off Saturday with no breakfast and a Mr Whippy down the park is not going to cause issues.

Would you refuse an ice-cream or slice of cake if you hadn't eaten breakfast several hours before?

food as a reward is never wise and in your case it focuses in on making food central to everything which won’t help with issues long term.

Offer food, make sure something he generally likes is available with each meal. Don’t comment on what he does or doesn’t eat, don’t make some foods only allowed if he forces himself to eat something else. Keep things light and breezy

His diet is NOT balanced overall though, despite my best and ongoing attempts , as I have outlined in the original post. I’m not having a one day freak out for shits and giggles because DH proffered Nutella for breakfast.

Not all food is equal in terms of nutrition, but that doesn't mean you should be turning less nutritious food into a reward or a treat.

Having an ice-cream after playing in the park for an hour shouldn't have anything to do with whether a child finished their breakfast several hours before.

I just think you're setting yourself up for problems if you start turning meals and food into a battleground.

A few weeks (or months) of poor eating is normal for small children. It's fine. He won't get sick or have lifelong issues because he had nutella on toast for a while at age 3.

If he doesn't want breakfast, fine, he doesn't have to have it. Give him some milk and a multi-vitamin and try and forget about it. Just offer the next meal or snack as normal. Don't try and link the quality of the snack to the missed breakfast several hours before.

i’m not saying to give children endless amounts of food that isn’t nutritious, but linking ice cream to having been “good” by eating your breakfast isn’t wise. It weaponises food and sets it up as a battle, or something to be earned. If you don’t want your child to have ice cream, don’t give it to them. If you do, then do. But don’t label it as a reward for having eaten something healthy. Healthy eating doesn’t need to be rewarded. Food is food. And that attitude should help children to self regulate more effectively than making a fuss about certain foods.

That’s what we do! We aim for no added sugar in the week except fruit yogurt. Then a lot more relaxed on the weekend. It also means if we travel the kids are used to a more varied routine.

op, you can also check if you’ve got a fussy eater willing to throw a fit to get treats or a kid with actual food aversions. Mine are generally in the first camp so if we’ve been eating lots of treats and I’m getting us back on track, I’ll just keep giving homemade food they’ve liked before and by bedtime they are very happy for porridge. I don’t force anything they don’t like.

When they’ve got actualARFID that won’t help and cutting out the treats will get you a starving child if there is nothing they like

My aunt who has been working with kids for 40 years says something she sees a lot now is parents asking their kids what they want for meals and she thinks this is a mistake. I imagine your thinking was he'd be more likely to eat it if it was his choice but that didn't seem to work out. Even that gives him the idea that mealtimes are an area for him to exert control and especially if he knows the other parent might end up offering him something junky that appeals more to him. I went to a talk with a nutritionist recently and she said not to panic if kids don't eat at a particular meal. The child is much more likely to be overweight than under, statistically, so unless the pediatrician says your DC is clinically underweight, don't worry if they sometimes eat little or nothing for one meal. It is preferable to stick with one option and be consistent, not rush around trying to tempt them with many options. That's quite confusing for kids. Best of luck. You sound like you are really doing your best.

If you don’t want your child to have ice cream, don’t give it to them. If you do, then do. But don’t label it as a reward for having eaten something healthy. Healthy eating doesn’t need to be rewarded.

Yes, this.

An ice-cream shouldn't be seen as a reward for having eaten all your peas, or whatever. They're two separate things. By all means don't offer an ice-cream if you don't want to, but don't tell your child they can't have one because they didn't eat X.

Similarly, don't say "we won't go out to do X unless you eat Y" - it creates such unhealthy expectations. An adult would never deny themselves a day out because they didn't fancy egg on toast

If he wants Nutella on toast then give him Nutella but make it better. Add sliced banana or strawberries. And brown or 50/50 toast. Madge your own oat flapjacks with chocolate chips in but also with fruit. Try him with sausages and bacon for breakfast? It’s hard with kids. I got mine feeling with cooking, made our own pizza bases and home made sauce with their favourite toppings. My daughter makes “hulk” pasta which is just pasta with cheese sauce and puréed broccoli to make it green. Ice cream made with frozen over ripe bananas and strawberry pulp.

I agree with this. When my LO was 3 1/2 he ate pasta and I could get some broccoli into him if he was watching Bluey at the same time. I'm so glad I took on board the advice to not stress and let the fussy food stage pass. He now eats the recommended daily vege servings and we only eat infront of the tele when he's sick.
I really don't think it's right to think that the habits you lay down at three will be what the rest of childhood will be, food wise. The fussy stage passes and then their eating is completely different - whether you've been laying down the law in their toddler years or letting it go.

Italy has one of the highest rates of childhood obesity in Europe!

I don’t agree with the "food is food and ice-cream shouldn't be seen as a treat" point of view. Some foods are better nutritionally than others, and most ice-cream is just a treat. That’s exactly why we want children to eat a balanced diet.

That doesn’t mean we should never eat ice-cream or chips or crisps or chocolate or doughnuts, but I wouldn't let my child eat three ice-creams or three bars of chocolate or three bags of crisps or three doughnuts in a day, though it wouldn't worry me if they ate three carrots or three slices of wholemeal bread. (That sounds dreadfully boring and virtuous, but you know what I mean.)

If I hadn’t eaten breakfast I wouldn't refuse the ice-cream/cake, and I wouldn't expect a child to refuse it if it was offered, but there’s a difference between having refused breakfast because you weren’t hungry and having refused breakfast unless you could have the breakfast you wanted (the Nutella).

I agree that a one-off is probably not going to cause issues, but giving in once can set a precedent and make it harder to refuse the ice-cream another time.

I'm in a similar situation with my 3.5yo. She is so fussy and it's driving me nuts. I now basically ensure there is one safe food on her plate and the rest is whatever we are having. If she doesn't like it, there is nothing else (apart from maybe a banana if necessary). I would have given the toast today as it had already been offered but stay again tomorrow

Ultimately, you're not in control of what this child eats. You can't force feed him if he refuses what you choose.

He's going to end up eating stuff in his lifetime that isn't healthy. That's going to happen. All you can do is keep presenting him with healthy options and hopefully he'll eat some. That's all anyone can do. Stressing about it only makes food more of an issue.

If I hadn’t eaten breakfast I wouldn't refuse the ice-cream/cake, and I wouldn't expect a child to refuse it if it was offered, but there’s a difference between having refused breakfast because you weren’t hungry and having refused breakfast unless you could have the breakfast you wanted (the Nutella).

But the child didn't eat the Nutella either @Fingernailbiter - OP said he wasn't interested when he was given it and ended up eating nothing.

I remember being raised by parents who turned food into "good" and "bad" and it caused me a lot of issues.

But I’m an adult. I’m able to make informed choices about my food (and suffer the consequences).

This kid is 3. While they’re little, believe it or not the PARENT is in charge of what’s offered. You can’t make him eat, but if you refuse to call a spade a spade and admit that some foods are good and some are bad you end up with all sorts of issues later on.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve seen on here ‘A sugary breakfast is better than no breakfast’. These incorrect assumptions persist.

Why would any kid eat a breakfast he’s not bothered about if he knows he’ll get an ice cream later?

And no, there’s no way I would skip breakfast and then have an ice cream. That’s just weird.

My 10 year old DD has ARFID. I'm the only person I know who celebrates when she eats a chicken nugget, and a couple of slices of pizza is considered worthy of a reward. What I would give for her to eat Nutella on toast 😔
She's done 4 hours of horse riding today, and has only managed to eat a solero ice cream and about 4 chips.

I know it's not ideal, but nothing ever is. I'm envious of this issue 😔

Food should never be used as reward or punishment. It should never be used as a “treat”.

This is exactly how you create lifelong food issues.

I’m very sorry to hear of your struggles but believe me, this is still very much an issue (and he didn’t eat the Nutella on toast, either)

@Wantitalltogoaway honestly, I just totally disagree with your entire post.

My parents told me that some food was "good" and "bad" and all it did was cause me life-long issues around food and diet. I felt guilty for wanting to eat totally normal foods occasionally and it led to bingeing, secret eating and all kinds of other problems.

You keep linking the breakfast and the ice-cream but they should be two totally unrelated meals. Don't buy the ice-cream if you don't want to, but don't tell your child that it's because they didn't fancy eggs on toast four hours ago. Equally, don't do what OP did and tell your child that they can't go out to the park unless they eat their breakfast.

Food should just be food. If they eat it, great. If not, that's fine too. It shouldn't then mean they miss out on a trip to the park later, nor should eating it mean they get rewarded with more food.

This does seem to be the modern way of thinking and I really do appreciate other opinions on it, but I can’t agree. An ice cream is a lovely thing to have- of course it’s a treat! And no, I won’t be buying them for a child that refuses to eat the meals I provide for them.

To be clear it wasn’t even a battle, I walked a different way home, he didn’t even get to go past the ice cream kiosk, so it’s not like I waved it under his nose. We’d just mentioned earlier in the week that it would be a nice thing to do after going to the woods.

It’s based on research and evidence. You don’t need to agree, it’s true regardless of whether you do.

Obviously you’re happy to continue to put pressure on where food is concerned, and sure, it’s not my kid that’s being negatively affected here so have at it, but the reason you’re having these struggles is absolutely down to your attitude around food.

Being a treat though was for going on a walk through the woods as a family

that is different to food weaponised and used in a battle.

personally today I would have been ok with the Nutella on toast but think maybe getting a healthy option

Fully agree I need to relax and be light and breezy and keep offering lots of food. Definitely can get behind that (it’s obviously very hard in practice because I’m sure we all have a primal instinct to have nourished offspring)

I don’t think deciding not to buy a Mr Whippy for a child that refused breakfast and lunch is wrong, and I’ll die on that hill.