Nutella for toddler breakfast

[FanofLeaves]

This is not a food bashing thread, I don’t care who wants to eat Nutella for breakfast in their own households 🤣

More just to canvas opinion.

Currently have a 3.5 year old who is pretty much refusing to eat meals. Nothing wrong with his appetite if offered crisps and biscuits, naturally, but I’m getting really stressed out that he’s not being adequately nourished. Seems to eat ok at nursery but he’s only there three days a week and they probably give them pigeon portions and almost certainly say he’s eaten more than I suspect he has. At home it’s mostly a shit show, I can’t seem to get anything proper into him. I’m trying so hard and doing everything I can think of and it’s really getting me down.

anyway so I’m having a crack down. Today we were supposed to be going out, nothing special just a trip out to the woods to mess about with his toy dinosaurs and an ice cream on the way home but it’s a beautiful day.

He should have woken up ravenous as he ate about 5 pieces of pasta for tea last night, so I asked him what he wanted for breakfast. Egg on toast, great. Make it for him and he won’t even look at it. I take it away, give him half an hour and try again. Same. So I’ve says until he eats either that or cereal or natural yogurt and fruit for breakfast we are not going anywhere. So he’s flinging himself about on the sofa sighing but refusing any offers of breakfast.

DH gets up, I briefly fill him in. Come back to him offering DS Nutella on toast which I have said no to and DS is now crying because he wants that. On the one hand, great, it’s food and we can crack on with the day but on the other, it just proves my point that he’s happy to eat what I regard as ‘treat’ breakfast items (and have no problem with but not in place of adequate nutrition) and is refusing regular food.

So would you just give in and make the bleeding Nutella on toast 🤣 I’m sticking to my guns but just interested.

And yeah it’s not a very exciting thread, but I have time on my hands now we are in a stand off trapped inside 😅

As much as your convinced your right I think the reality is until you change your approach to food then the issues won’t become any better. Your making food into a battle ground not him.

I don’t think deciding not to buy a Mr Whippy for a child that refused breakfast and lunch is wrong, and I’ll die on that hill.

It's not wrong - you can buy (or not buy) whatever you like.

What is wrong is the link you're making between not eating breakfast and not being allowed an ice-cream several hours later. An ice-cream shouldn't be given as a reward or taken away as a punishment because your child did (or didn't) eat his breakfast.

Lunch. He also decided not to eat lunch. His choice, as various posters have said- he had the option. So yeah, I stand by the decision not to buy the ice cream.

And this is exactly why you’ll continue to have issues with food 🤷‍♀️

Again, it's totally fine not to buy the ice-cream.

What's not okay is linking it to him not wanting to eat his lunch (or breakfast, or whatever other healthy food he's been offered).

Whether he has an ice-cream or not shouldn't have anything to do with whether he's eaten his breakfast or his lunch, because then you're turning it into a reward (or a punishment) which could really cause you problems down the line.

You don't want healthy food to be something that has to be endured before he gets an ice-cream or a dessert. It should be rewarding and tasty in its' own right.

But isn’t that part of the issue - you are thinking of it as battle and going into it like that

I don’t agree, thank you though.

I get your point but you don’t get to fill up with ice cream in place of other nutrition. Unless you’re an independent adult, then do whatever you want.

In some cases what you are talking about might cause issues (but it’s really not that simple, there are soooo many other factors at play that relate to food issues) and treats are absolutely fine as part of a balanced diet. It’s not balanced if you hand out sugar and chocolate willy nilly while they push their meals away. How long before he doesn’t bother with anything as he knows I’ll cave on a sweet treat just to get him through the day? Now to me, that’s more of a bloody issue.

Never make food a battleground. It doesn’t work. It’s what leads to disordered eating, adults who ignore satiety signals, food aversions. Same with food as rewards. Ir’s possible to overthink it I think. Don’t have junk in the house, offer healthy options, don’t punish decisions around food by withholding other foods. An ice cream while out and about has no connection to breakfast or lunch. Eat something you don’t want so you can have something you do want isn’t a great lesson to learn around food.

If they don’t want it then fine, missed meals aren’t generally an issue for most healthy children, I don’t always eat three meals a day, my food intake varies day to day, so I don’t expect my children to eat the same volume of food day in and day out and if they don’t want their dinner or barely eat it they still get their yoghurt/fruit/whatever else is after. Some days it feels like they have eaten barely anything, other days they will scarf three bowls of pasta for dinner. It’s about the longer term, bigger picture, not about the intake at one meal or two meals.

What does he actually eat in a day
what is his growth like and what centile is he and has he changed weight

I think what posters are saying is that the mindset you are in isn’t working at all - it has created a battleground both with him and on this thread so some rethinking could be necessary including working with a professional about the best way forward

Do you know what almond mum means? That’s not a good thing.

I'm afraid I agree with the others. Don't make food a battle and don't use food as a reward or a punishment.

It's a lovely day so mine would usually get an ice cream at the park regardless of what they have or haven't had for breakfast/lunch because they are separate events and it's just an ice cream on a sunny day.

And he’s not going to fill up on ice cream because presumably if he had eaten his breakfast and lunch he would have got the ice cream in addition to all the food he had already eaten, so would have had way more food overall. An ice cream isn’t really equal for two meals. Same as ‘filling up on dessert’. My kids eat their afters whether they ate much dinner or not, they can’t really ‘fill up’ on something that they would have regardless of whether they had eaten lots before or not. It’s a finite amount, not a limitless amount.

Quite - have you looked up the meaning and are you sure it is affectionate!

Nobody is talking about "handing out sugar and chocolate willy-nilly" or "caving on a sweet treat to get him through the day", though. What people are trying to explain to you is that you shouldn't be using ice-cream or other foods as a reward or a punishment.

By all means don't buy the ice-cream, that's fine, but don't tell your child "you can't have an ice-cream because you didn't eat your eggs" or "you can't go to the park until you finish your breakfast".

You admit that what you're doing clearly isn't working, so why not at least try something different? If you're fighting your DS the way you're fighting with everyone on here, I'm not surprised he doesn't want to eat, to be honest.

Meals should be fun. He's only three - he has no concept of "good" and "bad" foods, all he knows is that mummy got annoyed with him today because he didn't want to eat his eggs and told him he couldn't go to the park. What kind of lesson is that?

And yes, I know you went to the park anyway, but the food should never have even come into the whole debate in the first place.

I’m not ‘fighting’ 🤣 I said I see lots of different points and have taken things on board. I don’t have to agree with everything and everyone and weep in gratitude at helping me see the light.

I FULLY ADMIT I need to be relaxed and breezy around food. I feel CRAP that I’ve made it into a battle, you really don’t need to hammer that home. And DS is 3.5, he has plenty of words, plenty of understanding. He was grumpy and lethargic today for the sole reason he didn’t attempt to eat anything. I just want him to be healthy and nourished. I don’t accept that giving him chocolate spread on toast or a Mr Whippy is fine because ‘all food is food’ while scraping his chicken pasta and veggies into the bin. It’s not fine, and it’s not the same. No it won’t kill him but I don’t think it’ll do him any favours, either, if I completely ignore the fact that he doesn’t eat meals but hand out a Mr Bloody Whippy.

It's your job to offer a variety of food, it's his job to regulate his appetite and eat accordingly. Take the pressure off everyone. So you offer the meal, if he eats it great, if not then tell him snack/lunch/dinner will be at X time.

Present a balanced plate at each of these times, no pressure, no comments just an opportunity to eat. Offer things you know he'll like alongside non-preferred food. For example, give half a slice of toast and Nutella, plus the yoghurt and fruit. Don't give it any attention and don't change the type of food you offer to a constant string of meals you know he'll definitely eat to avoid the chicken nugget trap, it's just a phase and it will be over soon if you ignore it.

Haven't rtft so sorry if it's been suggested already but have you tried "sprinkles" added to his cereal? DD went through exactly this and the only thing that worked to actually get her to eat something nutritious for breakfast was allowing her to add chocolate chips or sprinkles to her Weetabix. I gradually cut it down and tried it on other things and now she doesn't even ask for them anymore and will just eat cereal as normal.

This is exactly the kind of sensible advice I can get behind, thank you.

For dinner I offered chicken, pasta, broccoli. (Separate not mixed in) and watermelon. He ate the watermelon and two penne. But I didn’t comment. Hoping for a better day tomorrow.

But you're not going to make him healthy and nourished by labelling food as "good" and "bad". That's the point.

You're not going to get him to eat his egg on toast (or whatever) by saying "well, if you don't, we're not going to the park later" - it just turns it into a battle for no reason. The park should happen regardless of whether he wants his egg on toast.

If you don't want to offer a Mr Whippy, then don't, but it should have nothing to do with whether he ate his breakfast or not.

This, and I wouldn't only give ice-cream if he's eaten what you think is enough of a packed lunch.

Give him ice-cream or don't give him ice-cream, but it shouldn't be a reward for eating other food.

I can relate OP! Some of these comments feel so wrong to me because because if my DS3 knows he’s going to get ice cream after lunch he’ll take a token bite of a sandwich, push it away and declare he was all done to get the ice cream faster. What do you do then? Just give him the ice cream anyway?

I thought a sensible approach was to explain to him that some foods were treats and could be had occasionally and other foods had to be eaten to grow big and strong even if they weren’t our favourites.

In terms of the fussy eating though, I would have offered toast as well but plain with butter. If the kids refuse to eat any of my meals they get alternatives but not exciting “treats”. DD2 did a whole week on weetabix for every meal before giving in and eating our meals with us. Try not to worry if he doesn’t eat. Both mine have phases like that and unless suffering with things like ARFID kids will eat when hungry.

I can relate OP! Some of these comments feel so wrong to me because because if my DS3 knows he’s going to get ice cream after lunch he’ll take a token bite of a sandwich, push it away and declare he was all done to get the ice cream faster. What do you do then? Just give him the ice cream anyway?

He's three - you don't tell him about the ice-cream at all. You just give him lunch and let him eat as much or as little as he likes. Then you, as the adult, decide whether to offer an ice-cream. But you don't link it to how much of his lunch he's eaten. It's not a reward - it's just an ice-cream.

Many moons ago my tiny undernourished daughter often had me weeping in the bathroom. One of the strategies that worked was to put 1bite of food on a tiny plate on the table. She would eat that at some point cruising by. I would replace it with another of the same or something different. She really liked smooth foods,(had a real issue with gagging) and an expression that said ‘shall I puke now or later?). One of her favourite foods was blended banana and apricots in a miniature ramekin. There was always a few in the fridge, if they had been frozen they had the wrong texture.
Her turning point came when she was 5. She just started eating better and at last growing! She’s 45 now and eats fine.
Sending you lots of hugs, just awful when your child won’t eat.

Let him have the ice cream and then see if he wants more of his sandwich? If he knows he is always going to get the ice cream or other ''treat'' item then he'd likely not be in such a rush to get to it.

I often give mine the dessert item with their lunch and they might eat it first but most of the time, they will eat other things too.