To think that this father who hasn't taken paternity leave is a selfish *$&**$&*?

[GordontheGopher]

Sorry but I am hormonal and this is my friend I'm talking about and I'm very cross on her behalf.

She had her baby Friday evening. Her dh had Saturday and Sunday with her and was back to work on the Monday.

May I add that she had an emergency c-section.

She also has a 2 year old with severe ezcema.

His MIL is staying with her to help.

His excuse? He's self-employed so doesn't get statutory paternity pay. They are not hard up by any means.

(DISCLAIMER: I understand some fathers may have to work to pay the bills, but this is certainly not the case here)

Well, it's not ideal but a lot of people do go back to work after 2 days. It's all that's given by some companies. The fact that he is self-employed may make it harder, not easier. What does he do?

Oh I am for her. I had 3 easy no complications births and with my last 2 I was home within hours. I still couldn't have done without dh there in the first couple of weeks though.

It must be worse for her having had the c section and a young toddler to run around after too. Its good that her MIL is there but not quite the same as having dh around at this time.

As you say, if they needed the money to pay the bills then fair enough but if that is not the case.

work commintments
If you are SE you don't get paid.
YABU

Obviously that sounds pretty bad on the face of it, but as UQD says, if he's self employed and the business is therefore dependent on him there may be mitigating circumstances. What's his job?

DH went back to work the day I came out of hospital (DD was 1 day old). Was very hard but grew strong. With DD2 he stayed off work for a week so obviously that was better.

SO he's basically putting money before his wife. That's how I see it. And as I have said they do not have money worries.

YABU. I brought my dd home on a Friday and my dp was back at work on Monday. He is selp-employed and if he could have taken two weeks paternity leave off he would be sadly this is the real world and he didn't have a choice to go back.

And they are probably "not hard-up" because of the fact that he is a hard-working self-employed person?...

Does she want him there? If I had one extra adult cluttering up the place helping, I might be quiet happy for dh to go back to work & save his paternity leave time for another time when I'd need it more. I sent dh back to work early after the birth of our second for exactly that reason. Not 2 days after though, i grant you - that does seem quick.

I can imagine taking time off if you're SE (as I am) is way harder than if you are in employment - if you let people down, that's YOUR customers lost etc.

well his business may suffer if he is off work any longer

is your friend bothered? if not I don't see it being your concern tbh

YAB(slightly)U

YABU - DP went back to work when DD was about 14 hours old!!!

No GordontheGopher, your missing the point. He isn't putting money before his wife. He is probably like my dp and didn't have a choice but to go back if he runs the show.

self employed equals not being paid if you're not working. And how do you know they can afford for him to take unpaid holiday? Do you see their bank statements? know how much he earns? They might have a big house/flash car/go on three holidays a year but they could still be in debt up to their eyeballs.

yabu.

yabu as he is self-employed he could be ruining business rep. losing biz etc. by taking time off now. so although they are financially secure now it could have a long term impact dependant on business.

upside he is self-employed so could he not just work shorter hours for a few weeks and be at home a bit more this is what my dh did.

dh went back to work after d was born, tbh, i dont even remember when.
but. dmother left to go back to work when she was 8 days old. and when he went to work on day nine, i went berserk. how could he leave me on my own? with newborn, 18 months old, and five year old?
i would rather have dmother, than dh any day.

I don't know what sort of work he does but it could be that he loses custom if he takes time off unexpectantly.

I know in the US fathers often don't get any paternity leave, whatever the circumstances.

Is she upset by it or is it just you?

I think the fact that her MIL is helping is adequate tbh, he may be able to take some time off later when the additional help isnt available.

I think it is fair to say that as he is self employed, he needs to work because he wil lnot get paid time off, However, to look at this from the POV of the OP, a baby arriving is not exactly a last minute surprise. You would think that they would have taken this into account so she was not alone.

Of course, we do not know their circumstances. Maybe she is happy to have her MIL stay?

No, it might very well not be a case of simply putting money before this wife. If you're self employed or have a small business you are likely to have clients and/ or commitments that are dependent on you fulfilling them. If you don't fulfil them, you lose customers and your business suffers in the longer term.

Dd3 came home from hospital on the friday and dp went back to work on the monday, i had 3 under 5 and school walk to do, this time im insisting he has paternity leave, i cannot have 4 under 6 and no help!!

YABU. Dh went back to work just as quickly too.

Self-employment's a bitch.

It does sound as if he has taken this into wccount, which is why the MIL is there.

What's his line of work, GordontheGopher?