To think maternity leave is supposed to be enjoyable?

[Newmumhere40]

When does that happen? Baby is currently almost 3 months, I'm sleeping 5/6 ish hours a night in 2 chunks, not sleeping during the day. Exhausted every morning. My partner is fantastic, extremely supportive.

I was so looking forward to maternity leave but I'm just feeling monotony and tiredness, sad that 'this is all I do now', change nappies and breastfeed. I get outside every day and that helps, but this feeling is just not going away. Please understand I absolutely love my baby girl, but this is a question to the Mums, does it get easier?

Who said it was ever meant to be enjoyable?

When they are able to sit up by themselves and play with a few toys. It does get better OP around 7-8 months I would say it’s like night and day to the newborn phase.

I know people like to say the newborn phase is only the 1st few weeks but I think it goes on until about 6 months.

Currently sitting here whilst my 1 years old entertains herself.

Yeah…this is exactly what maternity leave is. Did you not wonder why we get up to a year off? I know there’s an element of ‘bonding’ but realistically it is because you’re barely going to sleep for months on end and your entire life has overnight become a bit of an unenjoyable shit show. There’s an adjustment period for sure.

To second what some other posters have said it’s the 9-12 months that the fog starts to lift…just in time for you to get back to work! It’s probably the hardest with the first too, in my experience; don’t get me wrong going from 1 to 2 is TOUGH but your quality of life doesn’t fall off an absolute cliff over night the same way it does with your first. Your expectations of parenthood are much more realistic and you’ve done it all before so you know the stages roughly and can map it in your head as you go.

Your expectations were not in line with reality, maternity leave isn’t a year long holiday with a baby in tow. It’s a hazy, crazy, depressy, adjustment to your entire life and identity pre kids going down the toilet!

(I’m a mother of a now 3&5 year old)

It really isn't. All those fake instagrammers have a lot to answer for.

IME the first four / five months are recovery for mum, survival and figuring out what the hell you are doing. It should get better in the summer when your small person is sitting up nicely and starting to crawl. Get a little routine of a couple of toddler groups / baby rhyme time sessions a week to give you some structure but without having to rush around. Hang in there.

I think it helps to get a routine. Any household tasks till 10 or 1030 then either go to a playgroup or similar , or meet a friend. Friends made during my maternity leave have last me for life.

I really enjoyed my maternity leave but I also remember some days it was grim. I think around 3-4 months when I started going to a couple of classes, that helped as it built more of a routine. It’s hard work but I think as we move into the summer months too it might get a bit easier - you can just go out more easily. I also found having a list of baby friendly places helped for planning my day - John Lewis baby area so I always knew I could feed and change baby there. I also recommend baby cinema, I loved that so much and felt like an “adult” activity that I enjoyed doing.

Only read OP's posts.

Honestly, I didn't really enjoy my first Mat leave. I very much enjoyed my second one though.

I didn't really know anyone else locally with a small baby. I'd been working full time so didn't have local friends, my friends were my colleagues and in clubs I went to.

I'd see people out with new babies and they'd look together and happy and I just felt overwhelmed and like I was pretending to enjoy it.
An older lady said "treasure this time, it goes so quickly" and I remember thinking "thank god, cos this is really hard".
We tried to not let the baby change the life we had before - weekends away, going out to dinner. Actually it was my now ex that led that and in hindsight it wasn't a good approach.

I was happier when I went back to work.

I think if I'd known just one or two other new Mums where we could get everything off our chests w/o judgement and to acknowledge it was hard and to be able to laugh, it would have helped so much.

I didn't enjoy it.
I'd moved to a new area and didn't know anyone and I missed work.

I was bored and lonely.

Maternity leave is needed because having a new born is such hard work
sleep when baby sleeps and let everything else go to pot
get outside every day - get the bag packed and waiting so there is no chance of a poo incident as you search for wet wipes to add to the bag

Both of mine felt split into 2: first 6 months incredibly hard and exhausting , breastfeeding and just surviving really. Second 6 months a bit more enjoyable with baby groups and going out for coffee etc
I did enjoy both my maternity leaves but it was hard work.
I think women having their first babies are often over enthusiastic about having a “break” from work, getting house sorted etc but it never happens. One of my friends stocked up on art supplies to work on her hobbies while the baby slept!

I found it unbelievably boring and dull. I went back to work at 3 months.

It probably depends on how you are usually. I’m quite happy pottering around at home and don’t really need a lot of social things. I was just happy to have some time off work and be with my baby. I was also sleeping better as I had horrific insomnia during my pregnancies so getting back to 6 hours from about 2 was a bonus. But it’s not the same for everyone. Hopefully you will settle into a pattern that works for you.

I hear you.
I thought my maternity leave would be full of lunch dates, baby sleeping, personal care and shopping for cute baby outfits, wine with friends ona summers day in a pub garden whilst baby slept.
It was in fact, recovery from surgery, sleeplessness to the point of insanity, diorganised chaos, pumping milk, baby sick, baby poop, not getting dressed, not knowing what time it was, horrendous skin condition from reaction to baby cells, arguing with my partner, crying for my lost life and not fitting into any of my clothes, realising my laboutins would never fit again and selling them on ebay and watching cocomelon.

YANBU to feel like that but I do think they were slightly unrealistic expectations.

Im on my last 4 weeks of maternity leave and DD is 7 months, most of which has been extremely hard. So far my leave hasnt been fun at all, I've had 2 very close family deaths aswell as illnesses. Im also a lone parent. Mostly I've spent my time finding a routine of normality. DD had her nursery inductions this week and they asked me loads of questions about outdoor play, and I just felt guilty because we've not really had the capacity or time to do any of that yet and it sounded like we should have been doing this. So now that we are heading into our new normal and the weather is nicer we can incorporate more fun and enjoyment but i no longer will have the leave on my side.

I think the image people generally have is chilled out walks with sleepy babes but that's all we see because everyone's stuck at home otherwise. My leave just started getting good about 3 weeks before I'm going back to work lol. I've taken 6 months so I think if you take longer it probably gets better later on. Don't feel bad about feeling bad.

My maternity leaves were some of the worst periods of my life tbh.

I was pregnant at the same time as a few friends and we were in two camps- the ones thought it was all going to be blissful, fulfilled motherhood, drifting around in linen dresses whilst baby peacefully slept at the breast, and those who were bracing for impact. Unfortunately, the PPD and fatigue hit the first group much harder as they just weren't ready for how gruelling it is. It wasn't their fault; we are bombarded by images of serene, happy mothers and serene, happy babies wherever we look and unless you have a lot of experience with children you wouldn't know that children and babies are awkward, inconvenient and egotistical most of the time.

Maternity leave has moments of being enjoyable, but it's not a holiday. You get that time because you need it, because having a newborn baby is absolutely exhausting, and messy, and really hard work.

If you're miserable all the time, seek medical support, but if it's just not what you expected then remember it is just a season. It does get easier, much easier, but you will forget how hard it was and get nostalgic for tiny baby toes and sleepy 3am snuggles. The days go slow but the years go fast and suddenly they'll be off to school. Try to enjoy the bits that you can, they don't last long.

I am adding, fighting with the pram and not knowing who I was anymore.

Yeah nah. I didn’t really enjoy either maternity leave. I found it bearable by doing lots of baby classes so I could at least speak to people every day and have some structure. And if you’re lucky some will want to go for coffee and cake after. It gets a bit easier when they are about 9months I found and about to go back to work!

I really feel for you OP. I had a generally easy baby, slept well, I was out socialising with other mums a lot and had plenty of family support. Yet it was still the hardest and darkest time of my life and I developed severe PND for which I needed hospitalised for. It's not a period of my life I remember fondly and I think society and social media can paint a picture that's it's meant to be the happiest time of your life.

I went back to work full time at 10 months and it was from there things took a turn for the better. Things felt a million times easier and more enjoyable and I've never been back to that dark place again. I have a fantastic bond with my son now and he's very securely attached to me.

I genuinely feel like I shouldn't ask...like it's MY job. The funny thing is, I know I'm being irrational but I can't seem to get passed it.

People don't like it but the only way I could function was to put baby in a routine (not using cry it out by the way). You crack sleeping and feeding and then the world opens up. And you get a few months of ease before you have a toddler 😁

Can I just say a MASSIVE thank you to you all. I am sitting here teary reading all of these with my beautiful baby. I had no idea how hard it is and I am a pretty tough person with a difficult job but this really is another level. It's emotional...irrational and I can't 'fix' things if that makes sense.

My mat leave was one of the best times of my life. But my baby was happy, chilled and slept through from 12 weeks. I also had good mental health and little stress. I had much lower expectations as everyone had said how hard it was but I actually found it much easier than being at work.
everybody’s different though.

Laughing at someone who has ambitions to get stuff done during maternity leave is a bit spiteful. I ran my own business with staff and took 1 week after both of my babies, It was a necessity but if someone wants or needs to juggle they really can. We are all different.