To think maternity leave is supposed to be enjoyable?

[Newmumhere40]

When does that happen? Baby is currently almost 3 months, I'm sleeping 5/6 ish hours a night in 2 chunks, not sleeping during the day. Exhausted every morning. My partner is fantastic, extremely supportive.

I was so looking forward to maternity leave but I'm just feeling monotony and tiredness, sad that 'this is all I do now', change nappies and breastfeed. I get outside every day and that helps, but this feeling is just not going away. Please understand I absolutely love my baby girl, but this is a question to the Mums, does it get easier?

The anxious when you're out thing gets better over time soon. I felt that too like I was constantly tensed up. Babies cry and most reasonable people know this anx still love seeing them. Also tmi but onec you start on solids the poop gets less runny so less nappy explosions.

Thanks for stating the obvious. I meant an enjoyable time with my baby. I'm aware and was aware that it would be hard. Any advice or do you just judge?

It's like a constant pressure in your chest...am I doing it right...why is their baby so easy...I know, unreasonable.

You'll also find out that the other babies aren't that easy. You think that everyone else is doing it right. If they are first timers they are all having their own issues but maybe don't share it

Yes OP I really recognise the bit about knowing you're good at your job and feeling unsure if you're good at this! That was one of the hardest things for me in the early days. Luckily mine are older now and I know I'm a bloody good mum 😂

I think my hormones are still all over the place too which doesn't help. Thank you though for your advice.

I didn’t enjoy the newborn stage and found it monotonous, boring and exhausting. It is a phase and will pass don’t worry. I much prefer an older baby/ child when they are a bit more interactive. As others have said, they are portable at this stage so if you want to go out to an art gallery, walks, meeting friends etc it’s a good time to do it. I also realise I didn’t feel like myself again until my youngest was two and wasn’t looking after myself properly so I was always tired and picking up sickness bugs. I now take vitamins religiously and carve out time for myself when i feel like I need it

Honestly just don’t compare against other babies or mums.
find your own routine that suits you and go with it.
there is no right or way, just what suits for you.
try and get out everyday. Even if it’s just for a walk.
sleep if you can, when you need to and don’t worry about cleaning and stuff.
i hated maternity leave, I found it very isolating, boring and exhausting!
it improved as baby got older.

I disliked maternity leave both times a lot. First time was covid and I felt so bored and isolated. DC1 was a terrible sleeper and a grumpy baby so not much fun. I practically ran back to work.

Second time round was a little better, DC2 was easier and there was no lockdown, but I still felt very unsettled. I’m not a natural socialiser so baby groups etc were hard for me. It turns out I really like the structure and adult interaction (not focused on babies) work gives. I really hate being sleep deprived and I hated how unpredictable each day felt, especially for the first 6 months.

I have loved loved LOVED the toddler years both times. They are better company, I’m more relaxed and I find chatting with mums of toddlers easier than mums of babies for some reason. I much prefer the balance of working part time. Toddlers have a more predictable routine and generally give you more sleep.

I wondered for a while if I was depressed but I think it’s just my personality type and the children I produce 😅 hang on in there!

I had a very skewed view of maternity leave, I thought that it would be a 'lovely long holiday with a cute little baby' (not saying that you think this) oh my what a shock I got! Agree that going out with other Mum's, baby groups and all that stuff was brilliant, but for the most part it's a massive slog!

When i was pregnant I would see SM posts where new mums were going out for coffee and cake with newborns sleeping peacefully in their prams. It never happened for me. Mine hated the pram and would only sleep on my chest or in the carrier. He would also scream in the carseat so I avoided leaving the house for a while.

It does get easier. Do you go to any groups?

I'm loving my mat leave. But not because i'm going to fancy coffee shops or shopping. I just love being with my baby everyday. It's ok to not feel like that and feel a bit lonely. My husband finishes work early afternoon which helps.

I'm due to return to work soon and feel so sad. Try and make the most of the small things because it will end 🥹

Are you a first time mum? I felt exactly the same with my first - I thought it was meant to be magical but I felt nothing but exhaustion and monotony.

With my second funnily enough, I’m living my best life and dreading going back to work. I think a lot of it comes from experience and knowing what I’m doing so the stress and constant ‘am I doing this right, I don’t know what’s next’ has disappeared and it’s like riding a bike. I don’t even know my LOs sleeping schedule, or stick to a rigid feeding timetable, I just feel a cue and we roll with it. That’s allowed me to just get up and go do things I normally wouldn’t and just enjoy my kids.

be kind to yourself! Do what you find comfortable, try a baby class just to mix with some other mums and see other babies. Go for coffees, meet your friends, mooch around the shops. I find just going to the supermarket for no reason is enough to break up my day - I look around the clothing section or homeware.

Oh gosh I totally agree OP! Ignore a couple of the more dismissive comments here, it’s rough! As other posters have said, a bit of a structure to the week with clubs / adult company really helped me. About to start my second Mat leave shortly and dreading it a little!! Sending you lots of love - it’s still early days and it goes change as they grow x

I can relate to this so much. All I will say is, if it doesn’t ease, or you feel really low and it’s impacting your life, do talk to your GP. Post natal anxiety is definitely a thing, and like post partum depression , you might benefit from medication (or you might decide you don’t want that, but there are options, and medication you can take even if you’re breastfeeding which is safe for baby).

I had a great ML with DS because I had some time away from him.

I did a course one morning a week. I think he was about 5 months when I did this. DS went in to the college crèche and I also went to a special mums and babies morning at the local leisure centre and he went in to the crèche. So I did an exercise class, swim and sauna over 3 hours. DS and I went out to lunch twice a week and to a baby playgroup.

I was much happier having some time minus baby, it was just 5 hours a week but I was doing stuff that was nothing to do with babies. I remember going out to a dinner when DS was 3 weeks old and leaving him with DH and pumping so I could have one glass of wine.

Men get loads of time minus babies. They are allowed to still be themselves.

Personally I found it got better when I stopped breast feeding(I know this isn’t everyone, but I hated that it was stressful and not in a routine!) and managed to get a nap routine. With baby 1 I did lots of pram naps and she slept on the way to classes/ while I was out. Drink coffee, breathe fresh air, get a routine and see friends. It all changes when baby can move more too… much less sitting around! You’re coming up to summer which will be lovely.

You’re in the thick of it OP but yes it will absolutely get better! Maternity leave might never be how you imagined it though but you will sleep again and not be completely exhausted and stuck caring for a very needy infant for much longer. You’ll soon have a toddler, more sleep and more freedom to go out and do things with them (still exhausting but in a different and nicer way!) Hang on in there xxxx

I hated it, and went back to work early. After which I started to enjoy motherhood.

I had gruelling PPD, and ended up formula feeding so my partner ended up doing half the feeds - we do one night on, one night off, and he’s taking 3 months of paternity leave when my baby is 7 months old and I’ll return to work. I do think most people have a way more unequal set-up, but this works for us.

It means I’m not tired so I love spending time with her, get time to go to yoga/cinema etc a couple of times a week to keep my mental health ok, baby sleeps through the night 75% of the time (she’s 4.5 months now) and is growing happily and healthily after a nightmare with trying and failing to successfully breastfeed, and I go out in the days to cafes, parks, etc. When my leave is over I’m taking a city break for 5 days, then back to work. I still want to be me.

For me, it was challenging enough that I’m one and done with kids.

People will disagree with how I manage mat leave, but it made my leave much more manageable for me, when at the start I wanted to throw myself off a bridge and was prescribed quite strong medication - I ended up not needing it by changing the pressure on myself. I now genuinely enjoy every day. Don’t beat yourself to death trying to be the perfect mother single-handedly, I wish I hadn’t.

keep an eye on your mood @Newmumhere40 i had awful PND and the GP's asked are you "enjoying" your baby when they were assessing me and i couldn't believe anyone would enjoy the experience i was having! chronic sleep depriavtion can be really really soul destroying , i know if you are EBF that may be tough but getting enough sleep can be really crucial to your experience.

Is there any reason why you are not sleeping in the day. Can you sleep when baby does. Do you have any family support to take baby out while you rest.

The enjoyable part of maternity leave is the part before your first baby comes along! You need Mum friends and to just lower your expectations, it’s exhausting and totally life changing in ways we never expect.

It gets more enjoyable yes - but the start is a big shock and it’s about recovery and adjustment. Once you’re in a bit more of a routine I’d make a big effort to get out every day even if it’s just for a walk to the park or a local class or playgroup to meet up with other mums - arrange to get a coffee afterwards while the baby naps - get some sun on your face and some fresh air, that’s the bit that’s really nice - once I had found a couple of like minded mums to hang out with and chat to about some of the hard stuff (and laugh about some of it- v important to retain a sense of humour!!) it felt easier and more fun

No judgement-I found it bloody hard as well! I just didn’t ever expect it to be that enjoyable 😂.

Sadly, it all started to get a bit easier when they got a little bit older, but that was time to go back to work. Don’t be too hard on yourself-when they are tiny, it’s drudgery and exhausting, but yes-it WILL get better!