My brother has published his memoir.

[Eatingricecrispieswithafork]

So my brother has written and published a book, we're estranged, well I'm estranged from my family, it's a shit show tbh.

Anyway during a Facebook messenger discussion, he told me he was writing his memoir, he's had an interesting life, I don't won't to say more as I'm trying to remain anonymous, anyway I told him to leave me out of it, he said I was only briefly mentioned in he named his 3 siblings. It came out before Xmas and despite telling myself to leave it, I bought it, I was dismayed that he had a few details. Of my childhood and adolescence and it was inaccurate, so I was a bit enjoyed, but was hardly mention3d in his later life ... then I got to the end, the photographs including 2 of me, 1 in particular was incredibly triggering, as it was taken during a very traumatic time for me and he knew that. He never asked my permission and I explicity told him I wanted left out of it. I Think he's either thought i wouldn't care or if I did i wouldn't have the money or the no how on what to do about it if anything, it's left me feeling like the lion cub that's been abandoned for the hyenas, they the family all know I'm autistic and struggletho with a lot of the nuances and aspects of everyday life... I just need some advice, your thoughts and if anyway has any knowledge about publishing laws and privacy. Thank you in advance.

Idk if you can do anything about it but I’d be very upset too.

Get in touch with the publisher and ask if its legal that they have printed your name/details/photos without your permission?

I don't think you need anyone's permission to publish their photo unless the photo actually belongs to them and they can prove it.

I googled for you, OP.

If a person is in a private setting, such as their home, a private party, or a private institution, they generally have a reasonable expectation of privacy. In these scenarios, obtaining consent is necessary before sharing the image. This is because the individuals in the photograph did not expect to be photographed and certainly did not expect those photos to be shared publicly.

https://www.pauldavidsmith.co.uk/laws-for-sharing-photos-online/

I'm not convinced about that. I don't know how it works in publishing but in my work we would never make public a picture of someone without the consent because it would be a data breach.

Contact the publisher. Not sure if there is much that can be done about the copies already sold, but they should remove the photo for all future print runs.

Somebody fucked up here. Your brother's contract most likely had a clause about photos and permissions and he would have signed to say that he was responsible for obtaining permission to use the photos. He may have thought that as the photos belonged to him he didn't need to do anything, but he should have sought your permission prior to publication.

The publishers are potentially liable for damages if the use of the photo caused distress or harm or has been commercially exploited without consent.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply ... I'm very new to this so I'm unsure how to copy in messages to my reply. So, Garlic smile, one was a family photograph taken on holiday obvs by other holidaymakers or stepdad used the timer, the other was taken in my garden when I was 13.

I specifically told him to leave me out of it, some of the childhood stuff regarding me is inaccurate and he knows that. I have zero contact with other siblings or parents, I'm the family fuck up and I know this is why he's disregarded my feelings, there was no need for pictures of me at all, none. I'd actually asked within the same correspondence if I could have my childhood pictures so I had some to give to my grand kids and was told he didn't have time to look for them ... when clearly he's went through the family pictures for his book.

It sounds like your brother has been incredibly insensitive OP. I do question just how many people will actually buy his book - a lot of people have led interesting lives, so unless he's super famous I doubt anyone will bother. But that's irrelevant really. I think copyright law focuses on who owns the actual image. So, if you took it, he can't publish it without your permission. This seems unlikely given the situation you're in it, unfortunately. However, I'd be tempted to contact a lawyer to check your rights to be sure of this. Unfortunately any sold copies will be out in the ether, but perhaps additional copies would be withheld from sale if it's found in your favour until an edited version is produced.

Has he self-published the book or is there a publisher?

No, in publishing the copyright belongs to the person that took the photo.

If you have concerns about what is written then contact the publishers, they have an interest to resolve this before it becomes legal action.

I suspect you have valid grounds for complaint, especially as you asked not to be mentioned and he lied about the photos he had.

Is the book published by a publisher, or is it self-produced? What does it say on the flyleaf or back cover?

Woody owl thank u xx

That's helpful, I just feel stuck to be honest and it's had an effect on my mood, obvs as I'm autistic I struggle with feelings ... it's like I can recognise anger and happiness and sadness but I struggle with the nuances and can't name or deal with my feelings on this, I feel a bit alone with it.

Some choices (others may be available):

Offended
Outraged
Violated
Hurt
Betrayed
Anxious
...

Garlic and Stella, it's published by a proper publisher, a very small publisher though.

Oh, good, they'll be terrified of legal action!

This.

Your brother sounds like a self centred arsehole either way.

I'd suggest you write directly to the publisher and set it out as you have here, asking them to remove the info from the book.

Good. It doesn't matter how small, they do not have permission to publish a photo of you. He doesn't own the photo. It's a family photo.

Get on it. Get it removed. I'd hate this.

My brother and I both lived through the worst childhood. I'd never forgive him if he did something like this. He wouldn't.

Is your brother well known? Realistically, how many people are going to buy his book? That's not the point, I know.

Your job now is to get all published and distributed copies recalled.

Thank you ... I know these feelings exist, but I can only feel and name the basics within myself ... and yes I have a brilliant therapist who helps me .... the best way to put it is if feeling were colours I couldn't tell the difference between blue and aquamarine they would look the same. On the plus side I can see time in my head and I have a huge calendar and I can see where things go and when events happened.. I thought everybody did , numbers too there in a similar grid ... sorry I digress and I never use the word digress unless I'm doing my posh lady impression ... now you can see why he didn't give a shjt.

To include the post that you are replying to, click on Quote, which is the first item on the left side of the action menu along the bottom of every post.

Please listen to Aunt BigHeadBertha for a sec here. I am also estranged from family and remember, there are very good reasons for that.

Therefore, my advice: Do not, I repeat DO NOT get drawn back into any of their stupid and toxic BS, which of course is exactly what this is. It is the type of thing you left over in the first place. Lack of respect, badmouthing you and etc. Am I right?

Yes, it was rude and nasty of him to include you in his memoir when you told him he didn't have permission. And of course he misrepresented you. That is because he is a rude and nasty person, just like the rest of them. They probably didn't like their scapegoat to leave. They want to keep bothering you anyway. Don't let them!

Yes, it's possible that you might be able to pay a bunch of money to an attorney or some such to make him retract it or go to the publisher and get drawn into a bunch of ugliness to make him retract it.

...And that would entail going back into that hornet's nest and dealing with the crap you've already, smartly, left behind.

I will tell you this, no professional publisher would have let him get away with that without releases from the people he's talking about. Real publishers are far smarter than to set themselves up for lawsuits. See, the whole thing is tiny and stupid. Also, people don't believe everything someone says anyway. He is most likely just showing everyone what a jerk he is so there's really no need for you to step in at all.

My advice is to throw the copy away or delete it. Let your stupid brother have his stupid little memoir and show all two or three of the people who buy it what a jerk he is. Who cares?!

Do you care? No, you do not. Because you have already moved out of that garbage dump and onto better things. Don't waste another minute thinking about what some ill mannered dimwit said about you. It doesn't matter. Just stay away from him.

That's my advice, anyway. Now I hope you will go have a super excellent week and treat yourself very, very well to balance out the dose of toxicity you've just been dealt. Best wishes, dear. :)

He's my brother but yes he is 😄 thank you.

Ha, @Eatingricecrispieswithafork, I'm great at emotions and colours but completely time-blind! Guess which of those things causes tons of problems in everyday life 😏 (Not trying to diminish your autism, just envying your mental calendar.)

That's good in a way that there's a proper publisher you can contact. However, I think it's unlikely they will do much about it, if anything. If the book is not print on demand and they're a small publisher, it's likely that all the copies already printed are all there will ever be, i.e. it's unlikely to be so popular it will go into another print run.
But it's worth asking if they will remove the photo or blur your face in the ebook if there is one and request that the photo is not used in any publicity materials etc.
As a PP said, not many people will read the book or see the photo so try not to worry about it too much.

I just don't know if I can do it tbh. I'm shit at stuff like this and it will cause world war 3 ... unless Trump gets there first. I have the publishers details. I have his employment history and the floor plan to his house ... that wasn't deliberate, I found his address on publishing site and wanted to see where he lived, it was my hyperfocus for a week after publication , then I went to bed and cried on and off for a day. Then I got up tried to ignore it, but I've been left with this horrible mental aftertaste, the feeling is like my stalker she's always there. Thank you