My brother has published his memoir.

[Eatingricecrispieswithafork]

So my brother has written and published a book, we're estranged, well I'm estranged from my family, it's a shit show tbh.

Anyway during a Facebook messenger discussion, he told me he was writing his memoir, he's had an interesting life, I don't won't to say more as I'm trying to remain anonymous, anyway I told him to leave me out of it, he said I was only briefly mentioned in he named his 3 siblings. It came out before Xmas and despite telling myself to leave it, I bought it, I was dismayed that he had a few details. Of my childhood and adolescence and it was inaccurate, so I was a bit enjoyed, but was hardly mention3d in his later life ... then I got to the end, the photographs including 2 of me, 1 in particular was incredibly triggering, as it was taken during a very traumatic time for me and he knew that. He never asked my permission and I explicity told him I wanted left out of it. I Think he's either thought i wouldn't care or if I did i wouldn't have the money or the no how on what to do about it if anything, it's left me feeling like the lion cub that's been abandoned for the hyenas, they the family all know I'm autistic and struggletho with a lot of the nuances and aspects of everyday life... I just need some advice, your thoughts and if anyway has any knowledge about publishing laws and privacy. Thank you in advance.

Even quite big publishers have bugger all money these days. Get a solicitor specialising in privacy cases to write a strongly-worded letter (you will have to pay for this) and I suspect they will back down. That’s what I would do.

Unlikely, Simon & Schuster are not a small publisher. But we should avoid speculation on this as it’s exactly the thing that will hurt the OP. Let’s respect her privacy even if her brother doesn’t.

Sorry to hijack this but I am also this way and assumed everyone has their own version no? And is this an autistic thing?

Or may use it as a publicity tool!
I’d tread carefully OP - I know nothing of the legalities but can’t imagine it’s going to be a best seller. Going to court or whatever risks the giving the book air-time which is presumably what you don’t want?

A couple of friends of mine have written books, I’ve bought them to be a mate but they've gone off to the charity shop unread after a decent period of prominent bookshelf display😀

I'm not very knowledgeable in this area, (and I haven't read all the replies) is it anything that could be considered libelous? Could you send the publisher a letter implying you could take action? I'm sorry it was so triggering, I would be furious

Op - I would go and see a lawyer.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this OP. I think most people would be upset to be misrepresented in this way. In the end, you need to decide what will give you most peace. Letting it go or taking some sort of action. Do you have a friend or counsellor you can talk it through with? It's probably best to let emotions settle a bit before making any decisions.

You are describing synesthesia - my DD has it where she sees letters as colours (or rather letters are specific colours) and feelings (physical and mental) as colours. Some words also give her physical feelings.
The calendar one is called calendar synesthesia, funnily enough. DD’s kind is called graphite synesthesia if I recall correctly. (no help to your original post, though, sorry, but maybe a distraction)

edited to add - I think I read it is more common in people who are neurodivergent.

Sadly I don't think you have a leg to stand on here. If people could just say 'leave me out of it' then most newspapers wouldn't exist.

As to the photograph, the copyright belongs with the photographer, provided there is no depiction of anything that could be related to causing you harm in the photo then it will be covered under fair usage rules. Thing of it like this, when papers publish crowd shots they most certainly do not ask each person in the crowd to say yes. A photo of you in your back garden won't likely trigger the bar for 'reasonable expection of privacy' unless you were undressed.

You won't win this one, no financial or physical harm has come to you, this book will have read by editors and others who know the rules way better than nearly everyone here and anything they think they might have had a problem with they would haev removed already.

if this is correct, and regarding the 'incorrect facts' - it's a memoir, it's his memory of things - conversations with my sister recently have revealed very different understanding/knowledge of some areas of childhood. But he has three siblings - mentioning you exist is a fact of his life.
You state he hasn't mentioned you in later life - pretty much in line with your request.
You found his address on his publishers website - stop online stalking him if you want to be NC.

I am NC with my brother - in the last 30 years I have attended three funerals that he has been at, nothing more. I wish he were dead, but I would not go anywhere near his funeral - nor would I buy or read books he had written, seek his address or look at details of his house.

If you want to be no contact, it's up to you.

There’s a lot of inaccurate advice in here, if you want legal advice the legal board is good, when not hijacked by people who don’t know better.

Re what he has written about you, unless it is untrue there is nothing to be done. Even if it was not true you’d need to evidence harm and have deep deep pockets.

The legalities re your pictures are more nuanced. They are covered by a mixture of copyright and privacy law. It is possible you could pursue a claim in relation to the latter, but to what end?

This is giving you heartache, the best advice is to physically and metaphorically close the book and walk away. Do not get sucked into the drama.

It’s not. I have that and am not autistic. I don’t think it’s that unusual.

We dont know who this book is about but trying to guess and then put the title and author on the post seems particularly harsh when the OP might wish to have some anonymity. It just doesnt seem at all necessary to the thread to attempt to dig up and 'out' the OP, regardless of whether you have the right author or not.

Who is actually going to read the book?

OP has been given some very poor advice on this thread.

Less an absolutely monumental drip-feed about the photographs and/or contents of the book, there are virtually zero circumstances in which she would have any recourse here and it's unkind to get her hopes up about it.

There are a phenomenally narrow set of circumstances in which there would be any recourse on the photos. As a general rule, permission is only required from the owner, not the subject.

As for the content, unfortunately you can't just tell someone not to write about you because you don't want them to, or your not going to like what they have to say.

If the author were to have written "OP is a horrible, selfish person who made my life hell growing up and hates puppies", that's unfortunately "tough shit". That's their interpretation of events and they're entitled to it.

If the author were to have written "OP hasn't sent me a single birthday card in 40 years", even if the opposite is true, there's no financial or reputational damage done.

If the author were to have written "OP is a convicted fraudster who is on the Sex Offenders Register and runs a dog fighting ring" where none of those things are true, OP would be able to take civil action.

If it’s published by a small or vanity press, there’s no way anyone is going to be able to guess. There’s also not the slightest basis for a legal case, from anything the OP has said.

I would treat it with the contempt it deserves and ignore. Writing a memoir is a bit attention seeking, grandiose and wankerish imo.
A friend of mine did it, sold about 250 copies over 5 years, it was a glory days 'their time in a drug fuelled, criminal, dance club life.'
First print run had to be scrapped at their expense due to pics copyright all lifted from FB personal pages. It was an honest account and people were named, easily identifiable. Some were absolutely livid as now grandparents whose families had no idea or employers. 2nd& 3rd printing had to have names/places removed and proofed for all spelling/grammar errors, so very little honest account left. A real lesson in how not to do it and piss off your friends. The backlash was bigger than the splash.
People are a bit deluded if they think anyone is really interested in their past. You left your family for good reason don't get pulled back.

I didn't say anything about a legal case so confused why that is mentioned here.
Purely commenting that trying to find the author and out the OP seems completely unnecessary. Whether the poster is right or wrong about who it is, is irrelevant. The fact is, trying to dig and find who the author is just seems completely unnecessary, which was my point.

My brother has also written a memoir, but more work related. It is being published by Amazon and has been with the lawyers for months, going through it with a fine tooth comb. I would be surprised if it hasn’t already been through a lawyer.

Small publisher, memoirs of an unknown author, all good news because they probably only printed 100 copies to test the market before printing more.

Write to them demanding that they remove your name and the photo from the book, before they print another run.

You cannot do anything about the copies that have been sold but as he hasn't libelled you, it isn't doing you any real harm that a few people see your name in passing and a photo taken so long ago that you aren't even recoginisable from it today.

Your brother is an absolute pig to ignore your stated wishes.

Leave his book a bad review on Amazon!

As wombat said:

"You won't win this one, no financial or physical harm has come to you."

I have no useful advice whatsoever (sorry about that), but you sound superb and your brother sounds like a dick, so if anyone you know does read it (unlikely) then I can't imagine it will change their good opinion of you!

Is it an ebook or printed? Are you quite sure it's from a real publisher? There is virtually no market for memoirs written by people who aren't famous, and very very few publishers would go to the cost of printing a nobody memoir with photographs in it.

The likelihood is it will sell in the double digits and nobody outside your own family is going to read it.

Lawyers will take your money and write a letter. They will write almost any letter for money. It does not mean they think you have a strong case.

The lawyer for the publishing company will receive the letter, have a small giggle at it and know you are not a person who has the financial resources to take this any further.

So all you will have done is given a lawyer money.

Do not get lawyers involved.

Go set some cash on fire in your garden along with the book and it will have the same effect.

OP I hope you're doing ok this morning.

With fresh eyes please re-read @BigHeadBertha 's post.

By looking at the book you're already crying, upset, questioning yourself and giving it so much headspace. I really believe the best thing you can do is just release yourself from this stress. I know that may be hard and with apologies I don't know much about living with autism and if that will make it harder, but it's the healthy thing to do. Anything else will.just prolong this for you and no compensation or removing of photos (which is unlikely to happen) will be worth the stress.

Without going full Mel Robbins...Let them. Let him put his book out there with his version of things. Just walk away. I read a poster on here say once, 'you don't have to show up to every fight you're invited to'. Decline this one.