Page 6 | My brother has published his memoir.

Foxonfire · 04/04/2025 15:17

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MyUniqueHalloweenCat · 04/04/2025 15:22

BigHeadBertha · 04/04/2025 00:32

Please listen to Aunt BigHeadBertha for a sec here. I am also estranged from family and remember, there are very good reasons for that.

Therefore, my advice: Do not, I repeat DO NOT get drawn back into any of their stupid and toxic BS, which of course is exactly what this is. It is the type of thing you left over in the first place. Lack of respect, badmouthing you and etc. Am I right?

Yes, it was rude and nasty of him to include you in his memoir when you told him he didn't have permission. And of course he misrepresented you. That is because he is a rude and nasty person, just like the rest of them. They probably didn't like their scapegoat to leave. They want to keep bothering you anyway. Don't let them!

Yes, it's possible that you might be able to pay a bunch of money to an attorney or some such to make him retract it or go to the publisher and get drawn into a bunch of ugliness to make him retract it.

...And that would entail going back into that hornet's nest and dealing with the crap you've already, smartly, left behind.

I will tell you this, no professional publisher would have let him get away with that without releases from the people he's talking about. Real publishers are far smarter than to set themselves up for lawsuits. See, the whole thing is tiny and stupid. Also, people don't believe everything someone says anyway. He is most likely just showing everyone what a jerk he is so there's really no need for you to step in at all.

My advice is to throw the copy away or delete it. Let your stupid brother have his stupid little memoir and show all two or three of the people who buy it what a jerk he is. Who cares?!

Do you care? No, you do not. Because you have already moved out of that garbage dump and onto better things. Don't waste another minute thinking about what some ill mannered dimwit said about you. It doesn't matter. Just stay away from him.

That's my advice, anyway. Now I hope you will go have a super excellent week and treat yourself very, very well to balance out the dose of toxicity you've just been dealt. Best wishes, dear. :)

Edited

Good advice.

Sunbeam18 · 04/04/2025 15:24

I work in publishing, if identifying details of you have been included then they needs your formal permission, definitely for a photo of you. Legal letter to the publisher as soon as you can. The book could be pulped if they fear legal action

Original poster

Eatingricecrispieswithafork · 04/04/2025 15:43

Sunbeam18 · 04/04/2025 15:24

I work in publishing, if identifying details of you have been included then they needs your formal permission, definitely for a photo of you. Legal letter to the publisher as soon as you can. The book could be pulped if they fear legal action

Thank you, but I don't have the cash to do anything and tbh if he sells more than a few hundred, I'd be surprised, but I now know I was right and what they've done is illegal xx

OP posts:

Minecraftvsroblox · 04/04/2025 15:57

Eatingricecrispieswithafork · 04/04/2025 15:43

Thank you, but I don't have the cash to do anything and tbh if he sells more than a few hundred, I'd be surprised, but I now know I was right and what they've done is illegal xx

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I could put together a template letter that shows your intentions and if x is not done then y will happen. There is no win no fee you can look into if there is no response from his publisher.

LavenderFields7 · 04/04/2025 16:03

If he’s self published, you can probably count on one hand the number of people that will buy/read it. I wouldn’t worry.

Sunbeam18 · 04/04/2025 16:31

I'd contact the publisher and threaten legal action. That will scare them and they will have to respond to you x

sommerjade · 04/04/2025 16:34

I have a similar problem; one of my uncles (one of my Dad’s brothers) is now quite famous (!), he published a memoir ages ago that my Dad threatened to buy but as the family had bad memories of their childhoods & several members are estranged I suggested not a good idea.
Now he is writing an updated version!! I have no intention of reading it and I think it will upset my Dad & his closest sister a lot if they read it.

Spiaggio · 04/04/2025 21:22

Sunbeam18 · 04/04/2025 16:31

I'd contact the publisher and threaten legal action. That will scare them and they will have to respond to you x

It really won’t scare them. I appreciate why the OP is upset, absolutely — who wouldn’t? But it’s irresponsible to encourage her to think she has any basis for legal action. She would have to have grounds for either libel or breach of privacy, and by the sound of it, neither is the case. The inclusion of a few inaccurate details in relation to her childhood aren’t defamatory (unless he’s claiming she was in a Borstal rather than Bedales or was a chronic shoplifter rather than a prize-winning Guide or something), and two childhood photographs wgich include her, even if the OP finds them triggering because they remind her of things she wants to forget, aren’t a breach of primacy.

Try to find someone to talk through exactly what is upsetting you about this, OP. It’s a much better option. Best wishes.

Patterncarmen · 04/04/2025 22:12

MojoMoon · 04/04/2025 08:12

So you are not the copyright holder of the photos so there is no line to go down there. Which is a shame because it's the easiest.

Assuming your holiday photo is somewhere public (since a random passerby may have taken it) then you have no case there in terms of privacy.
A photo in your own garden : the photographer would have needed the property owner's permission to take the photo. But that's irrelevant to whether your privacy has been breached. You might be able to say you had a reasonable expectation of privacy in the garden as the person in the photograph.

You do not need permission from individuals to publish their photos if they are taken in a public place. Think about famous photos in newspapers - they didn't ask people in famous war zones, tragedies etc if they could publish. A paparazzi photographer doesn't ask a celeb for permission to publish a photo taken in the street outside a restaurant.

I know your child's school will ask permission but that is not the same thing. They do that for safeguarding purposes.

Your brother can write about you. You cannot stop him doing that

Your brother can lie about you. And you have only limited recourse if he does
If the lie is damaging to your reputation in the community, you could sue him for libel.
If he said "OP had a favourite toy as a child and it was a stuffed badger called Mooky" and that is a lie, then unless you can prove it has damaged your reputation (eg you lost earnings or were shunned by your golf club or something like that)

Also you need to be very rich to sue for libel.

He may technically be in breach of his contract with the publisher if he told them he has your permission but that is between them and him.

So to summarise: your legal position to stop publication and have the book withdrawn is quite weak and would be entirely on the photo in your garden and whether you had reasonable expectations of privacy.

But unless you have very deep pockets, do not bring in lawyers.

My advice is move on. It's a tiny book that barely anyone will read.

Edited

Ironically, there have been cases where a celeb has posted a pap photo on their Instagram and being sued by the pap!

thing47 · 04/04/2025 22:21

Sunbeam18 · 04/04/2025 15:24

I work in publishing, if identifying details of you have been included then they needs your formal permission, definitely for a photo of you. Legal letter to the publisher as soon as you can. The book could be pulped if they fear legal action

I mean, that just quite simply isn't true about the photographs. The holiday snap was in a public place so no recourse. The garden one is slightly more of a grey area, but even if it could be argued it was taken on private property, the copyright still wouldn't be anything to do with the OP, it would belong to the photographer.

Do people really think the subject of every photo in a newspaper, magazine or book has been asked for their permission to print it?

As stated previously, pulping books virtually never happens. There is absolutely no chance it would be done on the basis of someone objecting to the use of a photo for which they do not hold the copyright. Cloud cuckoo land I'm afraid.

Sunbeam18 · 05/04/2025 08:48

It's consent that's relevant here, not copyright. Of course she doesn't have copyright of the photos. And it's totally different from a situation where someone appears in the background of a photo taken in a public place. She is identified in the book as a family member and a photo of her included without her consent. We would be advised not to do this legally in the company I work in.

TunnocksOrDeath · 05/04/2025 09:07

Colinfromaccounts · 04/04/2025 00:14

No, in publishing the copyright belongs to the person that took the photo.

If you have concerns about what is written then contact the publishers, they have an interest to resolve this before it becomes legal action.

Owning a photo does not give you the right to publish it without the permission of the subjects if they had an expectation of privacy when the photo was taken. It's why professional photographers use waivers if they are shooting for publication.
OP, what is your preferred outcome? You could engage a solicitor to contact the publisher; eg if you have a text or email telling your brother to leave you out of it. BUT what do you want the publisher to DO with that? You need to be clear about what action you want them to take, and whether that's possible/practical.
(edited for typo)

Velmy · 05/04/2025 15:51

Sunbeam18 · 04/04/2025 15:24

I work in publishing, if identifying details of you have been included then they needs your formal permission, definitely for a photo of you. Legal letter to the publisher as soon as you can. The book could be pulped if they fear legal action

This is absolute nonsense.

MustWeDoThis · 05/04/2025 18:23

Eatingricecrispieswithafork · 03/04/2025 23:45

So my brother has written and published a book, we're estranged, well I'm estranged from my family, it's a shit show tbh.

Anyway during a Facebook messenger discussion, he told me he was writing his memoir, he's had an interesting life, I don't won't to say more as I'm trying to remain anonymous, anyway I told him to leave me out of it, he said I was only briefly mentioned in he named his 3 siblings. It came out before Xmas and despite telling myself to leave it, I bought it, I was dismayed that he had a few details. Of my childhood and adolescence and it was inaccurate, so I was a bit enjoyed, but was hardly mention3d in his later life ... then I got to the end, the photographs including 2 of me, 1 in particular was incredibly triggering, as it was taken during a very traumatic time for me and he knew that. He never asked my permission and I explicity told him I wanted left out of it. I Think he's either thought i wouldn't care or if I did i wouldn't have the money or the no how on what to do about it if anything, it's left me feeling like the lion cub that's been abandoned for the hyenas, they the family all know I'm autistic and struggletho with a lot of the nuances and aspects of everyday life... I just need some advice, your thoughts and if anyway has any knowledge about publishing laws and privacy. Thank you in advance.

For a start - Stolen pictures are a huge copyright, as is mentioning details of someone without consent.

Secondly - Royalties. If you're a part of this book, then you're due royalties.

Third - Take him to a small claims court and wipe the floor with him.

MojoMoon · 05/04/2025 18:25

MustWeDoThis · 05/04/2025 18:23

For a start - Stolen pictures are a huge copyright, as is mentioning details of someone without consent.

Secondly - Royalties. If you're a part of this book, then you're due royalties.

Third - Take him to a small claims court and wipe the floor with him.

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All three of these statements are entirely incorrect.

Where did you get your law degree?

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/04/2025 18:33

MustWeDoThis · 05/04/2025 18:23

For a start - Stolen pictures are a huge copyright, as is mentioning details of someone without consent.

Secondly - Royalties. If you're a part of this book, then you're due royalties.

Third - Take him to a small claims court and wipe the floor with him.

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I am sorry for the OP as I do not doubt her brother is a massive shit and this is very upsetting for her...

However this post is hysterical in its inaccuracy.

TheTavern · 05/04/2025 18:36

Your brother should not have done that.

Do u think u would be able to say/text ’ hey bro, my friend came across your book and commented on the photos of me and how u said bla bla, I asked you not to include me, so why did you?’

HelenaTranscart · 05/04/2025 20:01

If the book is on Amazon, give it a one star rating and rotten review. You can change the display name you are reviewing under. It'll put people off reading it.

What he's done is, at the very least, insensitive. He sounds like the end of a bell.

Sunbeam18 · 05/04/2025 21:26

What's with people saying my advice is nonsense? Do you work in publishing??

Never2many · 06/04/2025 05:43

sommerjade · 04/04/2025 16:34

I have a similar problem; one of my uncles (one of my Dad’s brothers) is now quite famous (!), he published a memoir ages ago that my Dad threatened to buy but as the family had bad memories of their childhoods & several members are estranged I suggested not a good idea.
Now he is writing an updated version!! I have no intention of reading it and I think it will upset my Dad & his closest sister a lot if they read it.

Is it just me? Or is the word memoir completely cringeworthy and self absorbed?

Never2many · 06/04/2025 05:50

Sunbeam18 · 05/04/2025 21:26

What's with people saying my advice is nonsense? Do you work in publishing??

Even if you do, (unlikely) what you’re saying is bollocks.

If we were talking about some major celebrity with the money to pursue a case, then the publisher might, just might, take notice of a legal threat. But given that pictures of people appear in publications all the time without their knowledge or consent, any legal case would be weak at best.

But to all intents and purposes the OP is a nobody. And legal action costs. A lot. So they know that any threat is likely groundless, as the OP is unlikely to have the money to pursue it, and even less likely to win.

The book is out there. the people who know the OP will already have read it and seen the pictures, and if it’s bought by anyone else, they will likely be nobodies who have never heard of the OP, or her brother, and for who the book will end up being sent to the charity shop after about ten pages.

There is literally nothing to be achieved by sending threatening letters.

It’s unfortunate for the OP, but at the end of the day the pictures are out there now, and the only thing for OP to do is to find a way to move on from that.

LalaPaloosa2024 · 06/04/2025 06:19

Eatingricecrispieswithafork · 04/04/2025 00:11

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply ... I'm very new to this so I'm unsure how to copy in messages to my reply. So, Garlic smile, one was a family photograph taken on holiday obvs by other holidaymakers or stepdad used the timer, the other was taken in my garden when I was 13.

I specifically told him to leave me out of it, some of the childhood stuff regarding me is inaccurate and he knows that. I have zero contact with other siblings or parents, I'm the family fuck up and I know this is why he's disregarded my feelings, there was no need for pictures of me at all, none. I'd actually asked within the same correspondence if I could have my childhood pictures so I had some to give to my grand kids and was told he didn't have time to look for them ... when clearly he's went through the family pictures for his book.

I felt so sad to you when you said you were the family fuck up. Have your ever heard of scape goating? Dont let your family of origin define you.

Bigcat25 · 06/04/2025 14:26

Never2many · 06/04/2025 05:43

Is it just me? Or is the word memoir completely cringeworthy and self absorbed?

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I feel the same. Someone I know in her thirties is writing one, why I don't know. Seems to think she's the bees knees.

Sunbeam18 · 06/04/2025 19:36

Wishing you well, OP.