Dad allowed daughter to pierce her nose without my knowledge.

[ByGladCat]

Please help. My 17 year old daughter had her nose pierced without telling me. She knew I wouldn't like it and she said I would have talked her out of having it done. However, I have now discovered that my husband, her Dad, knew she was going to get it done and he didn't tell me. Should I be upset with both of them or just try and forget it. She is nearly an adult I know. I am just so upset that this has all happened behind my back.... AIBU?

She's 17. Give it a year and she could have done it anyhow, whether you approved or not.

She’s 17, so she is above the legal age to give her own consent to get a piercing. When were you planning on ‘letting’ her do what she wants with her own face?

Let it go. This isn't a hill to even have feelings on.

At 17 it’s up to her. She’s explained why she didn’t feel able to tell you.

Just move on imo. It's hardly the worst thing in the world. Piercings can be taken out if she changes her mind, and presumably she's old enough to look after it properly.

I'd let it go. She explained why she didn't want to tell you, and she's asked her dad to keep her confidence which he has done. That's great for further teen years.

She's 17, it's her nose, she didn't even really need her dad to 'allow' it.

Seriously? You don’t own her nose.

I think as long as she went to a reputable piercing studio I would not be too upset and it’s not a hill I would die on. They can take the piercing out and let it heal later if they wish.

I'm more alarmed at your controlling behaviour than her dads.

Why would you have the final say?

Let it go. Her face, her choice.

She’s 17. She can already join the forces. next year she can vote.

You do not get to tell her how to adorn herself.

Be grateful it’s not a tat, and pick your battles

I mean this very kindly, let it go. Either she will bore of it and it will heal or she won’t and you will eventually accept it. It doesn’t change her as a person but your reaction could possibly change your relationship with her forever. Tread very very carefully.

You probably feel betrayed because she told dad and not you and the two of them.kept it secret from you. She knew you'd be unhappy about it. She's nearly 18 and she'd be able to do it anyway.

Just be glad she's happy to tell dad about things, even if she doesnt tell you. At the end of the day, it's only a little piercing on the nose, it could have been much worse. If she doesnt like it, she can always take it out and it will heal up. Pick a different battle.

But it was 'behind your back' because you wouldn't 'let' her do it?

If she told you, as you said, you would have talked her out of it.

This is the reality of our children growing up, they no longer need permission to do this kind of thing.

I'd voice your frustration at it being a secret from you and then leave it.

Your DH obviously doesn't agree with you let stance on not allowing it and your DD is very nearly an adult. Maybe try and see their point of view too. It'll probably also mean the world to her if you tell her it suits her or you like it on her.

It's a nose piercing, it's nothing drastic, nothing to be upset about.

Is this a joke ?

I thought you were going to say she was 11 or something !

What's wrong with nose piercings anyway?

You do know that you can do certain piercings yourself without going to a piercer?

If you make a big deal out of it she will keep it in or keep piercing it.

My friend's daughter pierced her nose herself because she knew her mum wouldn't let her.

I'd let it go. And say that in future you would rather know and help make sure she finds the best place to go.

I think you should think about how you are coming across to your daughter.

You are steamed enough to post about the nose piercing and the secret-keeping, but you haven't reflected on the reason your daughter felt she couldn't talk to you about this, and your husband is either a mischievous man playing games or a man who doesn't feel he'd get a fair hearing either, if he were to be open and honest with you.

Only you know which shoe fits here.

I'd be more concerned that my DD felt that I'd disapprove so strongly about a simple piercing that she felt she had to hide it from you. What else is she going to hide from you for fear of your disproval?!

Oh ffs she is 17. And she already doesn’t think you support her life choices if she didn’t tell you (not ask you) first. My dd had hers done at 16. I wasn’t keen but it was her choice, it’s eminently reversible and we looked up a reputable place together and I went with her. She is now 19, I can’t actually imagine her without the piercing but more importantly she knows she can tell me anything and I won’t freak out. And when I found out her father was cheating on me I had mine done too and she held my hand.