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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dad allowed daughter to pierce her nose without my knowledge.

140 replies

ByGladCat · 03/04/2025 23:02

Please help. My 17 year old daughter had her nose pierced without telling me. She knew I wouldn't like it and she said I would have talked her out of having it done. However, I have now discovered that my husband, her Dad, knew she was going to get it done and he didn't tell me. Should I be upset with both of them or just try and forget it. She is nearly an adult I know. I am just so upset that this has all happened behind my back.... AIBU?

OP posts:
RawBloomers · 04/04/2025 08:32

I would not be happy either, but I don’t think you have anything to gain by making an issue of it now.

Nanny0gg · 04/04/2025 08:34

I'm not especially keen but she's old enough to make her own decisions.

You have to accept it

Spidey66 · 04/04/2025 08:36

If she was 7, and her dad arranged it without telling you, you'd be right to be angry. At 17, that's a decision she can make herself. It's not the worst thing in the world. If she changes her mind she just takes the ring/stud out. It's easier to change your mind about than a tattoo!

randomchap · 04/04/2025 08:38

Ask yourself why she didn't talk to you about it. Do you think that your behaviour could be the cause of her not telling you. She's not being entirely secretive as she told her dad.

You could use this as an opportunity to talk to her about your relationship, and try to open up the communication between you. But you'll need to be honest and open to criticism from her.

daffodilandtulip · 04/04/2025 08:38

I pierced two holes in each ear myself because my mum wouldn't allow it. My daughter had been desperate to have her nose done for years, I took her the day after she left school.

It's not 1890.

5foot5 · 04/04/2025 08:45

She’s 17. She can already join the forces
@theunbreakablecleopatrajones With a nose piercing? Don't the army have views on that kind of thing?

Sadly I think you probably have no say but I understand. This will mark me out as old but I think most piercings are awful. I do understand adults having ear piercings as ear rings can be lovely, though I have always been to squeamish to have them myself. But anywhere else on the face? Eww!

Glittertwins · 04/04/2025 09:00

She’s 17. She can have it done without your knowledge or consent.

heartsinvisiblefury · 04/04/2025 09:26

She’s 17 and it’s her nose

DottieMoon · 04/04/2025 09:43

What a massive overreaction. I can see why they didn’t tell you.

EmmaEmEmz · 04/04/2025 09:52

She's 17.

She's almost an adult.

It is her body.

CheekySnake · 04/04/2025 09:53

I had my tongue pierced when I was at uni and my mother went batshit and screamed at me that I was mentally ill.

It's just a nose ring. It's not permanent. Just say 'that's nice dear' and move on. At 17, you need to be starting to let go. And you absolutely should not have trained your daughter to think that decisions about her own body need your approval. It doesn't matter that you don't like it. That's your problem, not hers.

Iloveeverycat · 04/04/2025 10:31

Non issue

IntermittentFarting · 04/04/2025 10:45

Christ, how is this even your business? It’s her nose, and her father approved. Do you think he’s a lesser parent than you?
My DD bought piercing stuff from Amazon at 14 and pierced herself all over the place. I wasn’t thrilled, but hey…

And to the people who find nose piercings trashy… good! I got mine done last year at 55, and I’m glad that I’m now annoying prim and judgemental nincompoops.

Coffeeishot · 04/04/2025 10:47

ByGladCat · 03/04/2025 23:02

Please help. My 17 year old daughter had her nose pierced without telling me. She knew I wouldn't like it and she said I would have talked her out of having it done. However, I have now discovered that my husband, her Dad, knew she was going to get it done and he didn't tell me. Should I be upset with both of them or just try and forget it. She is nearly an adult I know. I am just so upset that this has all happened behind my back.... AIBU?

It's honestly her nose, I know you are annoyed at her dad but it's just a piercing you don't really have to like or approve of it at 17.

BasicBeach · 04/04/2025 10:48

Is it the septum if so I get it but it's hidden so no biggie
If it's the nostril then I'm offended because I have that one haha
But yeah it's a nose piercing it's not a conspiracy against you

Sidebeforeself · 04/04/2025 10:51

I dont like nose piercings. But I also dont like Mary Jane shoes, off the shoulder dresses or Breton tops. None of what I just said matters to anyone but me, and it’s the same re your daughter and her nose piercings. She’s entitled to like what she likes and do what she wants with her own body.

Coffeeishot · 04/04/2025 10:53

They didn't tell you because you would more than likely cause a fuss about it so her dad knew for a quiet life least she said to a parent,

WheresYourSnickers · 04/04/2025 10:55

I seriously thought you were going to say she's 13! At 17, this is not an issue!!

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 04/04/2025 10:56

I clicked into this thread assuming it would be a young teen! Once they are 16, most piercings can be done without parental consent. My oldest daughter has had multiple piercings since she turned 16, and half a dozen tatoos since turning 18. Do I like them all? No. Is it anything to do with me? Also no.
If you make an issue over something as innocuous as a nose piercing, will she come tou you about the big stuff?

Scutterbug · 04/04/2025 10:56

I had my nose pierced at the same time as my two daughters! Absolutely love it. It’s really no big deal, I would say 50% of their friends have pierced noses.

purplecorkheart · 04/04/2025 10:58

Honestly I feel a bit sad for your daughter that she felt that she had to hide getting it done and that she felt her mother would not respect a decision she made about her body.

MissUltraViolet · 04/04/2025 11:04

The nose piercing isn’t an issue at all. I also think it’s good she confided in dad and he didn’t betray her trust. Bodes well for her and their relationship in the future.

The only thing you should be concerned about (IMO) is the fact that your DD doesn’t feel comfortable sharing things with you and is hiding things. She was right to do so too, wasn’t she? Your OP pretty much confirms it.

Thats what I’d work on.

housemaus · 04/04/2025 11:06

You need to get over this one.

Really it doesn't matter whether or not you like it because it's not your face, and I presume your husband didn't tell you because he knew you'd get upset about it when it's not up to you.

If she had to have parental permission and he didn't tell you, I could see being annoyed, but she didn't - so he just didn't tell you so you couldn't try and talk her out of doing something she wanted and was perfectly entitled to do whether or not you liked it.

DelphiniumHolly · 04/04/2025 11:06

This reaction is just going to push her away from you. She won’t trust you with other (much bigger) issues as she matures.

My parents gave me freedom with piercings and hair cuts/colours from being 14 - stating it is my body and my hair so my choice. I now only have my ears pierced and have very normal long brown hair. I was allowed the freedom and got it out of my system at a young age.

mildlysweaty · 04/04/2025 11:06

Fgs let it go. Surely you want her to be able to come to you with anything in the future? Getting her up about a tiny piercing is not the way.

I got a tattoo at 16 🙈