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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not attend my friend’s baby shower?

112 replies

changernam · 03/04/2025 19:51

A good friend of mine’s baby shower is coming up, I’d accepted the invitation a while ago but she’s just sent the details through with a P.S ‘adults only’. I assumed this to mean toddlers/older children as she’s obviously aware I have a newborn baby. She followed it up with a message to say she’d understand if I couldn’t make it because of the baby.

My DD is 6 weeks old (will be 7 weeks at the time) & exclusively breastfed. The venue is 1.5 hours by train or car. I’d love to go but worried as I’ve not left her for that long

OP posts:
AgathaMystery · 03/04/2025 19:52

YANBU.

I’d send a card, no gift and invite her for a child free lunch at yours when her baby is 6 weeks old.

She will have deep regret in a few months.

DappledThings · 03/04/2025 19:54

I wouldn't even consider going. And I wouldn't feel guilty for a nanosecond.

crockofshite · 03/04/2025 19:54

changernam · 03/04/2025 19:51

A good friend of mine’s baby shower is coming up, I’d accepted the invitation a while ago but she’s just sent the details through with a P.S ‘adults only’. I assumed this to mean toddlers/older children as she’s obviously aware I have a newborn baby. She followed it up with a message to say she’d understand if I couldn’t make it because of the baby.

My DD is 6 weeks old (will be 7 weeks at the time) & exclusively breastfed. The venue is 1.5 hours by train or car. I’d love to go but worried as I’ve not left her for that long

You'll find this happening a lot now you have a child. You'll no longer be welcome at child free events, friendships will change etc

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 03/04/2025 19:54

AgathaMystery · 03/04/2025 19:52

YANBU.

I’d send a card, no gift and invite her for a child free lunch at yours when her baby is 6 weeks old.

She will have deep regret in a few months.

This. She will feel like a total dick in a few weeks

Newname2025123 · 03/04/2025 19:56

Totally fine not to go (and your friend has already said it’s fine). You can always celebrate with your friend another time or pop round with a gift after the baby is born.

ATuinTheGreat · 03/04/2025 19:58

Definitely don’t go - it will be a massive faff for you.

In my opinion, she obviously doesn’t actually want you to go - she’s put a rule in place that makes it difficult for you and then immediately said it’s ok if you can’t go.

My guess is that her baby shower is obviously all about her and her soon-to-arrive baby, and somebody else’s beautiful newborn will detract from that too much.

Livelaughlurgy · 03/04/2025 19:58

She's telling you it's more important that the baby isn't there than you are there.

Comedycook · 03/04/2025 20:00

Don't go...it's not very kind of her to say you can't bring your baby

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 03/04/2025 20:00

In six months she’ll be cringing SO HARD.

mummyh2016 · 03/04/2025 20:08

It depends where the baby shower is - if it’s a bar type place it may be them saying no under 18s.
I disagree with some of the PP. IMO she isn’t making it so you can’t go but I seem to be in the minority that I was happy to leave mine with their dad for a couple of hours (not insinuating you are wrong not to want to leave your baby btw, we’re all different plus I was FF by then).
If the venue is 1.5 hours away it’s a 3 hour round trip, I wouldn’t want to be doing that with a baby anyway.
YANBU to go and she’s said she understands if you can’t, it’s a non issue in the grand scheme of things.

BlondeMummyto1 · 03/04/2025 20:14

I wouldn’t even consider going.

I think she’s wrong for excluding a newborn. Any other decent mum would understand and assume the baby would be coming with you.

Does she not want the shine taken off her or something?

Coali · 03/04/2025 20:14

Why are people so dramatic!! I’m sure your friend will not be full of regret years down the line. I have never heard of a baby shower with children invited. It sort of defeats the whole object of a last party before she has a child. She’s obviously thought of you having to travel for over 3hrs with a newborn (which doesn’t sound like something you’d want to do anyway), and has given you a get out for it.

I didn’t attend any of my friends baby showers because I don’t like them! There was no drama, nobody regretted anything. I’m not sure even an eyelid was batted.

Just say you can’t go, and catch up with her later, no need for a fanfare.

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 03/04/2025 20:16

I was allowed to bring my 11 month old to a baby shower that was otherwise child free because I was still breastfeeding. I didn’t even ask to bring him they told me at the start he was invited because they didn’t want to make things difficult for me. It’s completely unreasonable in my opinion that she won’t allow you to bring your exclusively breastfed 6 week old. I would be hurt and seriously rethinking the friendship. As others have said she will see how ridiculous she’s being when she has her own newborn.

BlondeMummyto1 · 03/04/2025 20:17

There were tons of kids at the baby shower I went to recently.
Shock… There was even men.

It’s a fun and relaxed way to celebrate a new baby.

justasking111 · 03/04/2025 20:17

I remember a baby shower adults only. A bottomless brunch at a very nice restaurant. When everyone got there they discovered the mother to be had banned all alcohol because of her condition. That didn't go down well😁

Waymarked7 · 03/04/2025 20:20

She probably doesn't want the focus taking off her.

Don't go, don't feel guilty and do something nice for yourself instead.

If she really wanted you there, she would be happy for baby to come too.

Iwannakeepondancing · 03/04/2025 20:21

I get a baby shower at a venue without lots of kids but a new born baby is different! It’s a baby shower ffs… celebrating a new baby! She’s mad! Don’t go!

LlynTegid · 03/04/2025 20:21

The only thing you have done wrong in my opinion is to accept the invitation to begin with. Politely declining now is at least the best option left.

cornflourblue · 03/04/2025 20:22

AgathaMystery · 03/04/2025 19:52

YANBU.

I’d send a card, no gift and invite her for a child free lunch at yours when her baby is 6 weeks old.

She will have deep regret in a few months.

Yeah this.

Original poster
changernam · 03/04/2025 20:25

@mummyh2016the baby shower is in a hall & is at noon.

I don’t expect it’ll be a piss up Grin

I attended her gender reveal (at 36 weeks pregnant) also which was held at home and lots of family’s children in attendance so was a bit surprised that this invitation stated no children.

OP posts:
Mistunza · 03/04/2025 20:27

Definitely, just decline. Easy.

She might even apologise to you in a few months.

Original poster
changernam · 03/04/2025 20:27

I feel a little guilty not attending as she’d made the effort to attend mine but I had men & children Grin

OP posts:
Yellowhammer09 · 03/04/2025 20:27

There's a difference between "no children" and "you can't bring an EBF newborn". I'd not consider going, tbh.

I second the idea of inviting her to lunch when her baby is 6 weeks old Grin

Allswellthatendswelll · 03/04/2025 20:28

Are you sure she doesn't mean because of the baby as in because baby is so young it would be a long way for you to bring it/ might be too much post partumn etc?

Otherwise she's obviously pretty obtuse to think you can leave a baby that young behind!

Zanatdy · 03/04/2025 20:28

I wouldn’t go. She has already said she understands if you can’t make it. She made yours but you didn’t have restrictions.