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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not attend my friend’s baby shower?

112 replies

changernam · 03/04/2025 19:51

A good friend of mine’s baby shower is coming up, I’d accepted the invitation a while ago but she’s just sent the details through with a P.S ‘adults only’. I assumed this to mean toddlers/older children as she’s obviously aware I have a newborn baby. She followed it up with a message to say she’d understand if I couldn’t make it because of the baby.

My DD is 6 weeks old (will be 7 weeks at the time) & exclusively breastfed. The venue is 1.5 hours by train or car. I’d love to go but worried as I’ve not left her for that long

OP posts:
DappledThings · 03/04/2025 20:28

I attended her gender reveal
She's had a gender reveal and she's having a baby shower too? Stop indulging this shit and don't feel guilty. It's ridiculous.

Allhatnocattle · 03/04/2025 20:31

Send a gift and meet up with her some other time if you want. I doubt she will feel guilty months from now it’s not a slight against op, no need for angst, just the way they’ve decided to do this party for whatever reason, if they had kids at the other celebration maybe she just wants a more peaceful one for this.

DelphiniumBlue · 03/04/2025 20:32

What kind of person tells a "good" friend that they can't bring a newborn baby to a baby shower??
It would be one thing if she said that an evening event in a night club didn't allow babies, but of all the events not to welcome a baby...

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 03/04/2025 20:34

Perfect excuse not to go
Baby showers are attention seeking American imported nonsense

(no offense if you are American of course)

Elboob · 03/04/2025 20:39

AgathaMystery · 03/04/2025 19:52

YANBU.

I’d send a card, no gift and invite her for a child free lunch at yours when her baby is 6 weeks old.

She will have deep regret in a few months.

Absolutely 100% this! With bells.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/04/2025 20:39

ATuinTheGreat · 03/04/2025 19:58

Definitely don’t go - it will be a massive faff for you.

In my opinion, she obviously doesn’t actually want you to go - she’s put a rule in place that makes it difficult for you and then immediately said it’s ok if you can’t go.

My guess is that her baby shower is obviously all about her and her soon-to-arrive baby, and somebody else’s beautiful newborn will detract from that too much.

My money is on this.

Xmasbaby11 · 03/04/2025 20:42

I wouldn’t consider going and I wouldn’t feel guilty either.

Babycatsarenice · 03/04/2025 20:43

Don't go this is ridiculous on her part.

arcticpandas · 03/04/2025 20:44

changernam · 03/04/2025 20:27

I feel a little guilty not attending as she’d made the effort to attend mine but I had men & children Grin

Don't feel guilty. I can understand child free outings but a fucking babyshower. And to ban a 6 week old who only sleeps and eats unless he's extremely advanced running around the tables screaming 😄 shouldn't bother anyone. But she wants the focus to be on her, not for everyone to admire your baby. I wouldn't even like to have a friend like this tbh.

Cosyblankets · 03/04/2025 20:46

AgathaMystery · 03/04/2025 19:52

YANBU.

I’d send a card, no gift and invite her for a child free lunch at yours when her baby is 6 weeks old.

She will have deep regret in a few months.

If i was not going it would not occur to me to send a card or a gift.
I would just get something when the baby is born.

Thewhywhybird · 03/04/2025 20:46

I would decline if you're not comfortable leaving your baby for that long. It is strange to exclude an actual baby from a baby shower. You have nothing to feel guilty about , you went to her gender reveal.

Annonymiss123 · 03/04/2025 20:48

Does she not want the shine taken off her or something?

This was actually the first thing I thought of too.

nicenicemaybe · 03/04/2025 20:51

DappledThings · 03/04/2025 20:28

I attended her gender reveal
She's had a gender reveal and she's having a baby shower too? Stop indulging this shit and don't feel guilty. It's ridiculous.

This👆

BendingSpoons · 03/04/2025 20:51

Don't go and don't feel guilty! It will be a massive faff to go and not really worth it. Of all things, I think excluding a newborn from a baby shower is a bit ridiculous. As PP have said, it sounds like she wants all the limelight.

I would decline and say it will be lovely to visit once her baby is born.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/04/2025 20:52

I'd be delighted to have a get out of jail baby shower free card tbh.

elm26 · 03/04/2025 20:55

My friend is having a strict “no children” wedding, even her own 2 are being picked up by their Nanny after the meal/speeches and are being taken home. The Nanny is sleeping at theirs with the children for the night. However, we have 2 close friends who will have a newborn (will be about 4 weeks old) and a friend who will have a 2 month old and they are allowed to come, it was mentioned in our friends group chat when she approached the subject of how we’d all feel about leaving our kids for the day and night, she put in the original message “obviously I don’t expect Anna and Sarah to leave your newborns at home”. If my friend can see past it for a wedding then your friend definitely can for a baby shower (which to me is a total non event and I can’t personally stand them, never had them). Like others have said, she’ll feel like a dick in a few weeks time.

Wrongsideofpennines · 03/04/2025 20:57

There's no chance I would have wanted to leave my babies for that long at that age. Even if they were next door and I could pop back to feed them. So it would be a no from me.

I also wouldn't be attending a baby shower having been to a gender reveal party already.

AngelinaFibres · 03/04/2025 20:58

Iwannakeepondancing · 03/04/2025 20:21

I get a baby shower at a venue without lots of kids but a new born baby is different! It’s a baby shower ffs… celebrating a new baby! She’s mad! Don’t go!

Yes but it's celebrating HER new baby not Ops. She won't want anyone cooing over anyone but her

Bluesteps · 03/04/2025 20:59

Can your partner go and mind the baby

MimiSunshine · 03/04/2025 20:59

Your baby is 6/7 weeks old. They are EBF you can’t be 1.5 hours away from them for however many hours. She just doesn’t want you there.

MimiSunshine · 03/04/2025 21:00

Bluesteps · 03/04/2025 20:59

Can your partner go and mind the baby

How would the baby be fed?

Gowlett · 03/04/2025 21:00

A new baby not invited to a new baby celebration. Mad…

Doolallies · 03/04/2025 21:02

Wouldn’t go and wouldn’t even give it a second thought!!! As if you’d leave your newborn for her no child event?!

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/04/2025 21:03

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 03/04/2025 19:54

This. She will feel like a total dick in a few weeks

Show quote history

No she wont as people like her never do. Its all about ME!!!!!

And of course no one would ever DREAM of excluding her precious child as it is obviously so important to the whole world. When, inevitably, someone does she will throw the mother of all tantrums and the irony will sail several miles over her head.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 03/04/2025 21:13

bloody hell, gender reveal, baby showers what next? It’s like this baby birthing thing hasn’t been happening for thousands of plus years, there definitely is money around despite the constant whining of cost of living if people are able to attend and contribute to this indulgence as if it’s a human right.

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