To not attend my friend’s baby shower?

[changernam]

A good friend of mine’s baby shower is coming up, I’d accepted the invitation a while ago but she’s just sent the details through with a P.S ‘adults only’. I assumed this to mean toddlers/older children as she’s obviously aware I have a newborn baby. She followed it up with a message to say she’d understand if I couldn’t make it because of the baby.

My DD is 6 weeks old (will be 7 weeks at the time) & exclusively breastfed. The venue is 1.5 hours by train or car. I’d love to go but worried as I’ve not left her for that long

This

Baby showers are vile and grabby - thank your child for the excuse to dodge it.

Dont go. She’s one of those fucking loons who thinks that a baby will take the shine off her ‘me me me’ event.
this is a shit friend

She's just told you your baby isn't welcome, no need to go or bring a gift.

I agree

I loved having my friends baby at my baby shower btw as I'm a nice person

Ugh. It’s quite clear your baby not being there is waaay more important than you being there. Dont dare take any limelight even of the unintended variety. She’s not much of a friend imo.
And she’s having a baby shower as well as a gender reveal? Jeezo, is she the first woman on earth to have a baby?

Friend sounds like hard work, i may be old fashioned but a gender reveal then a baby shower straight after 🙄
No thank you , you are lucky to have a good excuse not to attend !

I had a similar invitation from a friend when I had a newborn baby. I was subsequently uninvited when I asked to bring said baby!

This. Plus a baby shower where you can't bring an actual baby. Give me strength. What is this nonsense

You should count yourself lucky that she's given you the perfect out. Baby showers are the worst and you've just been excused from one with no hard feelings. I'd be thanking her if I were you.

Are you really that stupid?! OF COURSE SHE IS!!

The rest of us having babies were just paving the way for her child to be presented as the gift it is to instagram the whole world!

And as for the first birthday party, OP's kid probably wont be invited to that either in case another one year old in the room takes the shine of her PFB!

A gender reveal and a baby shower?! Dear me how OTT. Very self-indulgent. And not unreasonable at all - no reason to exclude a newborn, I wouldn’t even consider going.

Such a dick move (for her). At the baby showers I’ve been to, women have brought along their babies. Deeply ironic to ban babies from a baby shower. Obviously don’t go!

Just don't go. Don't feel guilty about it, don't try to make her feel guilty about it, don't blow up the friendship... just take a pass on this out of town event because you have a newborn and it's not baby-friendly. Life is an endless stream of things competing for our time and resources and in this case the "cost" of attending doesn't make sense for you. Your friend obviously doesn't see this as some must-attend event symbolic of your relationship that it's very hurtful for you to pass on, it's just a few hours out of a lifetime.

Well she’s a dick then!

Oh wow. Is this her first child? She obviously doesn’t realise that you can’t just leave a 7 week old baby.

She’s in for a massive shock.
She’s also going to think back to this in a few years time and feel awful.

But No. Don’t go. She’s being a dick.

Yeah, I wouldn't be leaving a very young child for the sakes of a baby shower.

Why would you feel guilty when she’s literally told you that she understands if you can’t go?

It’s a bit crazy she’s left it til last minute to tell you, but it’s a non-issue.

“hi friend. I hope you have a great time, unfortunately as I’m feeding newborn I can’t come solo but I hope we catch up soon!”

I'm curious how many other friends with children received the nonvitation. 😂 🤔

I would be more passive aggressive than that....

"Hi Friend! Thanks for the invite, sadly I wont be there as DD is exclusively breastfed and that means I cant leave her for extended periods. I am sure you understand why I dont want to leave her when she is so tiny and needs her mum, and if you dont then you will soon haha!! Have a great time xx"

How lucky you don't have to go. She says she doesn't mind if you don't, so don't. Maybe see her when the baby is born and take a gift comparable with the one she gave you.
I read ' gender reveal party' which eoild have had me backing away from the friendship in preparation for avoiding the next 18 years of attention seeking bollocks.

It seems like she does realise that - thus the message to OP telling her not to worry if OP can't make it because of that.

It also seems like the friend just doesn't see this as some vital can't-miss event that her newly postpartum friend needs to find a way to attend. It's just a baby shower; plenty of invitees likely can't attend for one reason or another and that doesn't need to be a drama.

I wonder if you have misinterpreted what she means and that you can bring your baby but she understands if you can’t come as baby is so young

Yeah no way I'd go, and I wouldn't feel bad about it. It's much too far away to even consider leaving baby at home, not that I'd have gone anywhere without a breastfed 7 week old anyway. In just a few weeks she will realize what she asked of you.