Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not attend my friend’s baby shower?

112 replies

changernam · 03/04/2025 19:51

A good friend of mine’s baby shower is coming up, I’d accepted the invitation a while ago but she’s just sent the details through with a P.S ‘adults only’. I assumed this to mean toddlers/older children as she’s obviously aware I have a newborn baby. She followed it up with a message to say she’d understand if I couldn’t make it because of the baby.

My DD is 6 weeks old (will be 7 weeks at the time) & exclusively breastfed. The venue is 1.5 hours by train or car. I’d love to go but worried as I’ve not left her for that long

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 03/04/2025 23:12

How many present grabbing things can mother to be do?

AxolotlEars · 03/04/2025 23:16

That's a no from me! Send a card and small gift e.g. book

Endofyear · 03/04/2025 23:17

She's not much of a friend is she? She's obviously not bothered about having you there. I wouldn't go and I wouldn't feel one ounce of guilt. I think baby showers are a bit naff anyway!

WingingItSince1973 · 03/04/2025 23:19

DappledThings · 03/04/2025 20:28

I attended her gender reveal
She's had a gender reveal and she's having a baby shower too? Stop indulging this shit and don't feel guilty. It's ridiculous.

Came to say this too! Gender reveal at 36 weeks? Now baby shower? Surely that’s just weeks apart. Way too much. You attended one. Don’t feel guilty about this one xx

WingingItSince1973 · 03/04/2025 23:27

I was asked to leave my newborn with a friend for the day to attend a relative of DH wedding which was meant to be a fancy affair but absolutely no children! The person suggesting it couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t leave me ebf newborn with a friend for the day! I doubt the friend would even have said yes. Absolutely bonkers. I didn’t feel bad at all saying no way.

RampantIvy · 03/04/2025 23:35

A gender reveal and a baby shower?

She sounds quite self obsessed.

"Sorry, I am unable to attend" will do.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/04/2025 23:47

crumblingschools · 03/04/2025 23:12

How many present grabbing things can mother to be do?

Oh there will be a "welcome baby" thing, then a christening, then the first birthday.....it wont ever end. People this self obsessed, fuelled by SM, never stop there will always be something.

Strangecat · 04/04/2025 00:13

This is actually hurtful! Your NB is part of you which she is rejecting!
I would definitely decline with no guilt whatsoever!!

Original poster
changernam · 13/04/2025 12:14

Allswellthatendswelll · 03/04/2025 20:28

Are you sure she doesn't mean because of the baby as in because baby is so young it would be a long way for you to bring it/ might be too much post partumn etc?

Otherwise she's obviously pretty obtuse to think you can leave a baby that young behind!

I had considered this but it was pretty clear once I’d declined as I was unable to bring the newborn that she had meant no children at all.

thank you all

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 13/04/2025 12:17

Sounds like she doesn’t want everyone cooing over your new baby. They have to coo over her 😆

Original poster
changernam · 13/04/2025 12:43

OriginalUsername2 · 13/04/2025 12:17

Sounds like she doesn’t want everyone cooing over your new baby. They have to coo over her 😆

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I expressed my apologies for not attending but I think I’ll back away from this friendship now!

OP posts:
feelingalittlehorse · 13/04/2025 13:08

I think you are making a storm in a teacup here. She’s literally said that she understands if you can’t attend because of your young baby. That’s fine, no drama. Lots of people cannot attend lots of events for many reasons. She isn’t singling you out- no children are invited, babies or otherwise 🤷🏽‍♀️

Just politely decline, send a card once baby arrives as you would have done and all is good.

thepariscrimefiles · 13/04/2025 13:11

changernam · 03/04/2025 20:27

I feel a little guilty not attending as she’d made the effort to attend mine but I had men & children Grin

Why on earth would you feel guilty? She has made it impossible for you to attend as you have a six week old baby that is exclusively breast fed.

JHound · 13/04/2025 13:14

It seems she’s find with you not being able to attend. So just don’t attend and don’t worry about it.

JHound · 13/04/2025 13:15

OriginalUsername2 · 13/04/2025 12:17

Sounds like she doesn’t want everyone cooing over your new baby. They have to coo over her 😆

Or maybe she just wants an adult only environment.

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 13/04/2025 13:19

So it's an event to celebrate the soon to be arrival of a baby, and she wants no children to go.
OP stay at home, send a card maybe.

ackarackaru · 13/04/2025 13:20

Very odd. I understand no screaming toddlers but an EBF baby?!

Munnygirl · 13/04/2025 13:20

changernam · 03/04/2025 20:25

@mummyh2016the baby shower is in a hall & is at noon.

I don’t expect it’ll be a piss up Grin

I attended her gender reveal (at 36 weeks pregnant) also which was held at home and lots of family’s children in attendance so was a bit surprised that this invitation stated no children.

what is it with all this gender reveal nonsense?

Hastentoadd · 13/04/2025 14:03

so she had a gender reveal and now a baby shower, what utter nonsense, I personally wouldn’t go to any of them

So are you expected to take a separate present to both of these events and then give another present when the baby is born

What self indulgent rubbish

Coconutter24 · 13/04/2025 14:31

changernam · 13/04/2025 12:43

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I expressed my apologies for not attending but I think I’ll back away from this friendship now!

Show quote history

There must be other problems in the friendship if you’re willing to back away from it just because she wants a child free baby shower.

DappledThings · 13/04/2025 14:47

Coconutter24 · 13/04/2025 14:31

There must be other problems in the friendship if you’re willing to back away from it just because she wants a child free baby shower.

Show quote history

Yeah, probably that OP has realised someone who is tedious and self-absorbed enough to have a gender reveal and a separate baby shower and is happy to exclude an old friend because she won't tolerate a small baby is someone not really worth being friends with.

Firenzeflower · 13/04/2025 14:50

If any of my kids have a gender reveal or a baby shower I’m going to sell them.

ForFunGoose · 13/04/2025 14:52

She wants all the focus on her and her bump.
Let her have it but it’s a crappy decision imo

comoatoupeira · 13/04/2025 14:53

A gender reveal AND a baby shower? Are you Americans?

Coconutter24 · 13/04/2025 15:38

DappledThings · 13/04/2025 14:47

Yeah, probably that OP has realised someone who is tedious and self-absorbed enough to have a gender reveal and a separate baby shower and is happy to exclude an old friend because she won't tolerate a small baby is someone not really worth being friends with.

Show quote history

Said other problems not the current ones. Wanting a baby shower child free or any occasion is the hosts prerogative, the friend didn’t demand op turn up without the child she was understanding she couldn’t make it because of the baby

Swipe left for the next trending thread