Best friend compared her inheritance to my benefits

[theusualdrama]

My closest friend, who I have known for 15 years, is currently single, employed full time and has recently purchased her first home after years of renting. She doesn’t have any children. She grew up with her mother and didn’t see her father for over 20 years. He runs his own business and is quite wealthy. On the other hand, I’m a single parent with 3 children. I work part time and rent a small house. I rely on universal credit since my ex doesn’t provide any financial support. Like my friend, I was also raised by a single parent and have no connection with my father. He’s also very well off but has never offered any help or support. Even though, we share similar backgrounds, we’ve clearly taken different paths in life.

She recently reconnected with her dad, who gave her £50,000 to help with a house deposit. I was absolutely thrilled for her, knowing how challenging it was for her to purchase a house on her own without this money. We got together for coffee earlier, and I asked her how the house renovations were going. She filled me in on all the upgrades she’s done and everything. I mentioned how lucky she was to have her father’s support, and I meant that in a positive way. It seems she was offended, as she subsequently likened her inheritance to me receiving benefits for free (her words).

It was uncomfortable after that and we haven’t spoken since. Her comment keeps running through my head, and I’m really surprised she believes it’s the same situation.

AIBU?

I didn’t mean you.

and I agree with you.

The uk is Orwellian and MN seems to have more than its fair share of pigs. I’ve been here the best part of 20 years and it’s gone from a nest of vipers to down right nasty, sneery and vile.

It’s just some of us pay absolutely shed loads of tax. Sticks in my craw that we are subsidising these useless “.fathers” who are not financially supporting their numerous offspring.

No I'm not. But your view is short term, defeatist thinking. Are you an absent father by chance who just doesn't want the clout of HMRC forcing you to pay for your kids ?

He read the application.

You might want to go and read up on the legal frameworks that the state has to play within.

Spice maiden, I can't say remember for certain.

But the vast majority of people here have said no such thing. People have simply suggested that benefits are unearned income.

Nobody has slated op for needing top up income, we responded to a question that was is my friend unreasonable to say benefits are the same as inheritance.

You have responded to many reasons claims by saying we hate people on benefits, we hope people on benefits starve, we think people on benefits are scum.

The vast majority (I want to say no-one) but can't in good conscience say that without re-reading this entire thread. We stated our opinion that both form unearned income.

Many have openly said friend is lucky.

Nobody has said people and or children who receive Benefits are parasites.

You may interest it that way, but nobody has said it.

Cara there are some cruel posts on this thread.

But many people are answering the question do you think a gift for a house and recieving a state benefit are the same.

Many have said they think they are both unearned, some have perhaps worded in the not the best way 'free money'. Very few have used their post of make comments on OP as a person.

They've shared their thoughts and asked questions that are generally answered with the blanket, so you want all poor people to die do you'

Which sorry but they don't. They want to go explore the question. That's not cruel. If you don't want to discuss the question in your post, then don't post it on an online forum, where people will share their opinions via written communication which leaves no room for subtle meaning, intonation etc...

No I’m not an absent father.

My view is that socialised provision for children is better for the children than an individualistic approach. My point is that you seem to think the state has a bottomless pit of taxpayers money to fund your ideas.

Did you choose to have children with a man who became an absent father, by any chance?

The point would be fewer children in poverty, and also the option for the (usually mother) to have enough to pay for childcare to be able to choose to work, reducing the need for claiming benefits and putting something back in.

The difficulty is that working part time while raising 3 children is seen as a luxury for some. Others have needed to work full time and more to keep boat afloat.
So OPs situation is subject to varying perceptions

Free money is free money. She has had a lump sum and you get it each month. Same thing.

You both use the free money differently. She has purchased a house so its a long term asset. Your free money is spent on family but no long term asset.

But its still free money.

It may have been uncomfortable for you to hear but is it really worth bad feelings and potentially losing a friendship over?

Horrified you should allow envy and downright jealousy to get in the way of a friendship. If she invested it it would probably produce less income than you are getting and taxable too. To get the amount you are getting in benefits from invested capital there would need about half a million to be invested. I have always lived off either my salary or investments I had from saving every week in a building society. When my son was little I did home typing and babysitting. I have never had benefits. Just be grateful.