Brother’s Wedding Would You Say Something?

[GutsyPeachExpert]

Brother announced that he and SiL were getting married in September. She wasn’t even there when he told my mother. They didn’t have engagement or a big fanfare or anything.

When they have been asked about the wedding he never knows the answer but she is more forthcoming.

Once Dad asked for a lift with something but brother said he wasn’t free as they were looking at venues so that was the only hint we got.

We have now got formal wedding invitations through the post and my two little girls 6 and 4 aren’t invited.

My mother immediately rang him as she thought it was an oversite but it is a child free wedding. My mother said that as SiL doesn’t have nieces she thought my girls would be flower girls and could they make an exception as nobody would question the wedding party being an exception to the child free rule. However, he said they already had two flower girls from SiL’s side. We have never heard her even speak about these children.

I am so upset. I can accept logically the flower girl thing but for them not to be even there!

I don’t want a debate on children at weddings I want to know if I would be unreasonable to speak to my brother about how upset I am and to ask that they be invited.

I just wouldn’t bother going and wouldn’t give it a second thought ever again. Weddings are dull at the best of times.

I don't think you're unreasonable or entitled. Its child free but their are flower girls? Unless those flower girls are in their 20's. I would not blame you if you don't attend.

Yes I was struck by the OPs mum calling the db and not OP..sounded like a drama triangle

This is exactly what I was going to say.

All these (weird) people saying "What's the fuss?". It's very very hurtful. Either SIL is nasty or thoughtless. I was very careful to involve DH's side of the family in my wedding even though he didn't care and I hardly knew them. It shows you care about your new family too.

No wonder they don't want them there if this is how you're acting.

I'm of the opinion that to not invite nephews and nieces to weddings is a bit off.

However, I would say gently YABU in this case.

You have several options:

Talk to your brother - IMO a bad idea
Go on your own and leave your DH to look after your DC
Go with your DH and leave the DC with your DH's parents
Don't go

This!

Yes, and the DH refusing to go unless his daughters are invited, and the crying from OP’s family

People can do whatever they like for their own weddings.

Dh sister had a child free wedding - aside from her own two children and her husbands young cousins who were flower girls and page boys. That’s fair enough - their choice.

Our children were 14 and 3 at the time, the wedding was a couple of hours away so I wasn’t comfortable leaving the 3 year old with a babysitter so I just stayed at home and dh went.

I didn’t get arsey about it, it’s not my wedding, I have no say.

If you can’t/don’t want to use childcare, don’t go. I’m sure there will be other people in the same boat.

And I certainly want going to get worked up about her not wanting her niece and nephew there. Life’s too short.

I think you and your mother need to stop causing a drama and pull yourselves together. Child free weddings are pretty common these days and bridesmaids, maid of honour and flower girls (in my experience) are always from the bride's side of the family. Best man and ushers/groomsmen are from the groom's. I get the impression that you don't approve of your future SIL and you feel she's controlling your brother. Their wedding is not about you and your mother and you are both setting yourselves up to be alienated from their lives.

This

I'm using voice to text and sometimes it corrects things oddly and I don't always notice. I don't think it's emotional blackmail to ask someone to give a toss about their family.

So it's not a child free wedding.......?! Equally immediate children in a family should be involved even if friends children aren't.....
Had several children under 8 at my wedding and they were really well behaved - absolutely no issues!!
Just so sad to exclude them......

It all sounds a bit bloody dramatic.

My DH actually doesn’t want to go without the girls he also now doesn’t want them to go to see two other little girls in the roles of flower girls. I know we are unreasonable about this aspect.

Well yes because they're not invited!

However if it's a church you could all just go along to the ceremony anyway after declining the whole thing.

Do you want to see your brother get married & celebrate with him?

If so then go alone.

Because it won't be OP laying out her calm request. Judging from her posts, it will be weeping and wailing and manipulation.

Just tell him your not going.

A 6 Yr old and 4 Yr old will be bored quickly at a wedding....

I recall going to weddings at 8/9/10 and beibf really bored...

Was no fun for my mum because of it.

I would TOTALLY feel like you OP and I would be really disappointed and it would affect my relationship with them forever .
and I don’t care if that makes me sound entitled aswell .
Why is it always the brides who seem to push out the grooms family and they never stand up to them .

Wow, this is all very dramatic. Crying over it? Come on, it’s one day.

What a thing to get so upset over, you are going to create a rift. They don’t want children other than the ones in the wedding party. Their choice.

The level of OTT drama and entitlement from the OP, her husband and her mother... I can't imagine why the brother and SIL are keeping them at arm's length. They'd have undoubtedly caused some other sort of emotional drama had the nieces been included in the wedding party. If the OP "tells him how she feels" it will probably just reinforce his decision.

No one I know IRL has objected to a child-free wedding.

Goodness, what a lot of drama over somebody else's wedding. Leave your children with your ILs and let your brother and his partner have the day that they want. None of it is about you or your children. Its just one day, get over it or choose to cause difficulties with his wife before they even get married.

If they got two flowers girls unless they are 14 and 16 is not a child free wedding isn't it? Is a "not your child wedding" instead.
I wouldn't bother to go. No because I fell bad of other flowers girls, just because some childer yes, some children no is a bit too much for a simpleton like me.

What a massive over reaction. It’s not your wedding. You and your parents are working towards pushing your brother away forever.

Are you close to your brother? Is he close to your kids?

If your husband doesn’t want to go then I say
A) leave the kids with him and you go to save family drama
B) decline the invite on the basis you can’t get childcare. As they say it’s an invite and not a summons.

You are behaving like you have main character syndrome. The wedding is about your brother and his fiance……. and their wishes.

If really baffles me as to why you are so upset about this. Your kids are 4 and 6 and unless you say anything to them, they won’t even know the wedding is happening and will suffer zero upset about this.

I personally had children at my wedding - my flower girl was my friend’s child, I didn’t even consider my (now) niece from my husbands side. I only considered girls from my family/friends.

Plus when my own children were young I jumped for joy at no child wedding invites! Weddings are no fun with young children. I loved a rare day of getting dressed up nice and spending the day with my husband child-free.