Page 27 | Brother’s Wedding Would You Say Something?

GutsyPeachExpert · 2025-04-02T10:05:01+00:00

Brother announced that he and SiL were getting married in September. She wasn’t even there when he told my mother. They didn’t have engagement or a big fanfare or anything. When they have been asked about the wedding he never knows the answer but she is more forthcoming. Once Dad asked for a lift with something but brother said he wasn’t free as they were looking at venues so that was the only hint we got. We have now got formal wedding invitations through the post and my two little girls 6 and 4 aren’t invited. My mother immediately rang him as she thought it was an oversite but it is a child free wedding. My mother said that as SiL doesn’t have nieces she thought my girls would be flower girls and could they make an exception as nobody would question the wedding party being an exception to the child free rule. However, he said they already had two flower girls from SiL’s side. We have never heard her even speak about these children. I am so upset. I can accept logically the flower girl thing but for them not to be even there! I don’t want a debate on children at weddings I want to know if I would be unreasonable to speak to my brother about how upset I am and to ask that they be invited.

slashlover · 02/04/2025 20:04

OutandAboutMum1821 · 02/04/2025 19:20

And that’s the saddest part really, modern families are increasingly more distant and value friends over their own family…so glad my family are not like this, and would not treat me or my children like this…thankful daily, it’s been an eye-opener on MN!

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You realise that not every family is lovely and some parents/siblings are toxic?

itsjustbiology · 02/04/2025 20:04

SocialSecAgain · 02/04/2025 19:59

What on earth is this not-so-stealth brag about your son’s blingy wedding about?!

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Missed the point entirely my love. Point being is their day their choice. They planned and paid for it all as was their wish, it would have been so rude to demand anyone elses wishes be taken into account, that was the point. And as for blingy trust me there was nothing blingy about this wedding! Elegant and sophisticated yes but not blingy in the slightest.

caramac04 · 02/04/2025 20:04

I’m with you OP. I think it isn’t a child free wedding and why shouldn’t your dd’s be flower girls
When I got married I had both my nieces as bridesmaids, one dc from my sister and one dc from BiL and SiL. The only girls and there was only another child who was about 18 months old.
Personally I wouldn’t go and I would say it’s because I don’t want my dd’s to feel excluded and that although I accept their decision; it has upset me.

MrsSunshine2b · 02/04/2025 20:05

Digdongdoo · 02/04/2025 19:52

It's more about attitude. You can choose to sulk over children not going to something they probably don't care about in the first place. Or you can make the best of it, because not everything needs to be about your children.
And actually, some of us do need excuses because we don't have childcare on tap. It is expensive and used sparingly.

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What a bizarre way of looking at it...childcare is expensive and hard to organise so you are happy when someone insists that you fork out for it?

I'm not going to sulk about it. I'm just not going to any childfree wedding.

Cunningfungus · 02/04/2025 20:06

Dramatic · 02/04/2025 11:29

People will say "it's their wedding their choice" which of course it is, but I'd be incredibly hurt if my sibling did this to me. I think it would actually damage our relationship.

This. Your DB sounds like a bit of a wet blanket in all this though - sounds like he is taking the approach of “you organise it all wife-to-be and I’ll turn up suited and booted on the day”.

outofofficeagain · 02/04/2025 20:06

custardandpie · 02/04/2025 19:44

what a nasty attitude. Why invite people if you don't care about them coming or not .

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I agree, when did it become this ‘it’s my day you should be grateful you’re invited’

That said, I have been to a couple of child free weddings in my time and have arranged childcare, and been glad of the chance to relax and enjoy myself.

But at those weddings immediate family was a different category and flower girls etc were there and no one had a problem with it. I can’t imagine getting ready to go to a close family wedding and telling the kids they weren’t invited.

BonnieBug · 02/04/2025 20:08

Agix · 02/04/2025 11:07

YABU. People can have child free weddings if they want. You already have confirmation that it is child free.

Their wedding day is about them, not you. Don't tell him to invite them because you're upset, that would be kinda shitty of you. Again, it's not about you or your kids. You'll just be causing unnecessary hassle and embarrassing yourself.

If you can't go due to no childcare available, then don't go... But don't expect it to make a difference or be an effective guilt trip. The bride and groom probably won't care.

My partner and I are having a child free wedding and if any parents tell us they can't come due to it, we're not gonna care. Can't be helped. Still not having children there.

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What a lovely kind caring soul you sound like, I'm sure you wont alienate anybody with an attitude like that........🤣

And for someone who "doesn't care" you doth protest too much.

BigHeadBertha · 02/04/2025 20:08

Yikes. Stop this. You say you are not making their wedding all about you and you are not being dramatic but yes, you are absolutely doing both of those things. You are most definitely being unreasonable.

Really, just be quiet. You say you have someone who can watch your daughters so just let them.

Go to your brother's and soon to be SIL's wedding with your husband. Don't make any special demands. Celebrate their big event. Then go pick up your kids and get on with your life. Problem solved!

Booboobagins · 02/04/2025 20:08

We had a child free wedding except immediate family and best man's baby. Lots of people couldn't come but it was a great wedding and I do the same again. But we made sure immediately family were included. I dont get why kids in the immediate family aren't included it is money pinching nonsense esp given yours are not at ages where they're going to be crying and messing about. But it's their wedding....

I'd honestly talk to your DB andlet him know you're upset for your daughters and if they can't go neither can you or DH.

That's it really. Spend the wedding budget doing something lovely as a family. Portmerion is fab and 2 zip world's nearby one with toboggan and the other a zip wire and cave trampolines might be on my agenda if I was you. x

Maray1967 · 02/04/2025 20:09

Ponderingwindow · 02/04/2025 14:21

If there are no logistical issues to your children not attending the wedding, you are being ridiculous.

No, I disagree. Two kids who are not even the bride’s nieces are going. The groom has not invited his nieces. That is ridiculous, and if my brother had been such an idiot he would have married without me there.

BonnieBug · 02/04/2025 20:09

I wouldn't go, people who want child free weddings are cold uncaring snobs.

TheHerboriste · 02/04/2025 20:09

caramac04 · 02/04/2025 20:04

I’m with you OP. I think it isn’t a child free wedding and why shouldn’t your dd’s be flower girls
When I got married I had both my nieces as bridesmaids, one dc from my sister and one dc from BiL and SiL. The only girls and there was only another child who was about 18 months old.
Personally I wouldn’t go and I would say it’s because I don’t want my dd’s to feel excluded and that although I accept their decision; it has upset me.

How the fuck would a six-year-old and a three-year-old "feel excluded" unless they were prompted and primed to do so by their overly entitled parents and grandparents?

"the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral."

There are no children guests at this wedding. There are two little girls in the wedding party becuase of their association with the bride. I wouldn't be surprised if they were taken home before the start of the meal and party.

OP's children wouldn't even remember this event and would probably have a better time spending the night with their paternal grandparents. No one wants a diapered child toddling around an adult event, and what is the six-year-old going to do? Sit there next to her mother like she can do the other 364 days a year?

slashlover · 02/04/2025 20:10

nicenicemaybe · 02/04/2025 19:45

Agree. I cannot imagine either of my sons getting married and not inviting my 2 grandchildren despite having 2 other children involved.
Added to that it’s very strange that there was no conversation about this prior to the invites being sent 😳 It’s called communication!
It just wouldn’t happen amongst the many people I know !
Can only conclude that there are many dysfunctional families on MN

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Added to that it’s very strange that there was no conversation about this prior to the invites being sent 😳 It’s called communication!

He probably knew it would end in weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. I highly doubt this is the first time OP and her parents have ignored his wishes.

PeekabooRoots · 02/04/2025 20:11

HellDorado · 02/04/2025 19:55

It’s also bizarre that these people are on a parenting site.

Well given how many parents on this thread and similar ones have said they’d love to let their hair down at a child free wedding, it clearly isn’t that bizarre.

Given that ‘people wanting to let their hair down at a children free wedding’ wasn’t my point - my comment stands.

outofofficeagain · 02/04/2025 20:13

TheHerboriste · 02/04/2025 20:09

How the fuck would a six-year-old and a three-year-old "feel excluded" unless they were prompted and primed to do so by their overly entitled parents and grandparents?

"the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral."

There are no children guests at this wedding. There are two little girls in the wedding party becuase of their association with the bride. I wouldn't be surprised if they were taken home before the start of the meal and party.

OP's children wouldn't even remember this event and would probably have a better time spending the night with their paternal grandparents. No one wants a diapered child toddling around an adult event, and what is the six-year-old going to do? Sit there next to her mother like she can do the other 364 days a year?

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Have you met a 6 year old girl?

Of course she’d feel excluded if she found out some other girls were her uncle’s flower girls and she wasn’t even the invited!

Alwaystired23 · 02/04/2025 20:13

What did your brother say when your mum spoke to him? I know on mn it's common to say it's their wedding they can do what they want and invite who they want, but I'd be really upset if my sibling did this.

SocialSecAgain · 02/04/2025 20:15

itsjustbiology · 02/04/2025 20:04

Missed the point entirely my love. Point being is their day their choice. They planned and paid for it all as was their wish, it would have been so rude to demand anyone elses wishes be taken into account, that was the point. And as for blingy trust me there was nothing blingy about this wedding! Elegant and sophisticated yes but not blingy in the slightest.

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Why mention the cost? How is it relevant? Did they tell everyone?

OutandAboutMum1821 · 02/04/2025 20:15

outofofficeagain · 02/04/2025 20:06

I agree, when did it become this ‘it’s my day you should be grateful you’re invited’

That said, I have been to a couple of child free weddings in my time and have arranged childcare, and been glad of the chance to relax and enjoy myself.

But at those weddings immediate family was a different category and flower girls etc were there and no one had a problem with it. I can’t imagine getting ready to go to a close family wedding and telling the kids they weren’t invited.

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I 100% agree with you on this.

We’ve attended two child-free weddings and left our children with my Mum. These were invites from friends, we would never have dreamed of suggesting our children come, we knew it was on us to accept, 1 of us go, or decline. No problem at all. Incidentally, they both included nieces and nephews, and a breastfeeding baby of a bridesmaid (she didn’t bring her other children).

For us, one of own siblings doing this would be an absolute no no. Friends are one thing, immediate family, no.

SillySallie · 02/04/2025 20:16

When we announced we were getting married there was much talk of children attending by others, there was much excitement of the little flower girls, bridesmaids and page boys - we wanted a child free wedding (except for our own children) we smiled sweetly and exchanged glances. We couldn’t be arsed with the drama of some in the family so we booked a holiday and eloped. The first anyone knew we were married was when we sent a wedding photo via WhatsApp to them all. Oh the drama and hysterics when we posted those photos about nieces and nephews “being left out” when nothing had been mentioned by us about having children there in the first place. We responded with a thumbs up to the comments on the Watsapp message we sent, we don’t do drama from family. Any comments when we got home about nieces and nephews being disappointed were replied to with “oh that’s a shame” and shut down. The family soon learned it wasn’t up for discussion.

MN always makes me laugh when people with children contact the bride or groom saying they don’t have childcare for a child free wedding, it’s like begging for your children to attend and some parents can’t understand their children aren’t wanted at weddings. I think it’s awfully rude to try and force the bride and groom to invite children.

Mothersdayscroll · 02/04/2025 20:17

I think it's really mean tbh

SocialSecAgain · 02/04/2025 20:21

People talking about inviting ‘children’ to the wedding. It’s up to the bridge and groom which ‘guests’ to invite. We are talking about brothers and sisters here. Nieces and nephews. Not casual acquaintance! What the hell has happened to people’s families?!

Hlglu56 · 02/04/2025 20:22

I would feel the same as you OP. I can’t imagine not having nieces and nephews at a wedding, especially if other children are invited. My sister got married last year and had a child free wedding but she still invited my daughters and her husband’s nieces. All of them were flower girls. Both my mum and the groom’s mum were so excited to see their grandchildren dressed up in their outfits so I can totally understand your parents’ feelings too however I think it would be wrong for your dad to chose you over your brother by not going. It is clear he has not had much input in the wedding. I would let your brother know that you are hurt then leave it at that and let him have his day.

Clairesp85 · 02/04/2025 20:27

Very unreasonable you expecting them to allow your two children, when they clearly want a child free wedding- it is their wedding after all!

UndermyShoeJoe · 02/04/2025 20:28

SocialSecAgain · 02/04/2025 20:21

People talking about inviting ‘children’ to the wedding. It’s up to the bridge and groom which ‘guests’ to invite. We are talking about brothers and sisters here. Nieces and nephews. Not casual acquaintance! What the hell has happened to people’s families?!

They all stopped helping so they stoped feeling obligated to them.

parents don’t pay for weddings. Childcare isn’t a given. People are not afraid to not toe the line.

Life changed. Two people work and pay for their own wedding, they pay for their own childcare and often live ages away from families that even if they lived next door to can’t or wouldn’t help anyway. Obligation severed.

londongirl12 · 02/04/2025 20:32

I’ve been to a few child free weddings and they’re fabulous!! You can have a great time and relax, without constantly having to worry about where the kids are. They’re 6 and 4, I’m sure they won’t care. Have a nice time with your DH, it’s not worth falling out over.