Friend has asked to borrow money but I’m not sure

[sunrisesunshine]

Good morning

My close friend has asked to borrow money from me and I’m struggling to make a decision.

The money is for a car repair, roughly 2k. Maybe a bit more. The car has failed the MOT and requires this work before the mechanic can pass it. My friend and her partner both have poor credit scores due to previous debt and they’re unable to use a credit card to cover the cost. They can’t afford to sell the car and buy another one and they also don’t have any savings. I have around 5k.

There’s a few reasons why I don’t think it’s a good idea:

1. I’m single and bought my first house last year. My savings are there to cover any emergencies, if I lose my job or something in the house needs fixing. I don’t have a partner or any family to support me financially if something goes wrong.
2. Her partner received a large pay out from his previous employer last year (around 22k) which they used to live off instead of working. I think it was careless to not save any money.
3. I have no way of enforcing them to pay if they decide not to… right?!

I know it will be an awkward conversation if I say no though. I feel like they’ve put me in a crappy situation.

Don't do it op!

No way! If they can't afford a car, they will have to get the bus. They have no one to blame but themselves for their current situation.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be...
Do not do it
Do not do it
Do not!

Definitely don't! I think I'd probably just be honest, but if you want to soften it make something up. eg: you've decided to start a pension (or put more into an existing one) so have no spare cash. That would shut any pleading down.

Don't lend it. You don't need to give a reason, but you could just say that you need the money for contingencies, which is true. They sound unreliable with money, and if you lend them money, trying to get it back could put far more strain on the relationship than a polite 'no' in the first place.

As others have said this is an absolute hard no. I would be very blunt with the response 'no, I'm sorry, I can't afford to lend anyone money."

They have plenty of other options to hand:

1. Sell car and take public transport
2. Take public transport until they can afford the repairs
3. Borrow off family
4. Borrow off non-single friends

You'd be mad to hand over any money to this friend, considering their track record, let alone 40% of your savings.

You think this conversation will be awkward? Well hand over the money and there'll be a dozen more awkward conversations waiting in the wings as you desperately attempt to get them to repay you.

@sunrisesunshine don't do it.

Tell her you've tried to see if you can scrape the money together or borrow it but you can't and you're really sorry you can't help but that you're there if she needs to talk or is stressed.

Its too large a sum and you've no guarantee she will pay you back.

Absolutely not. I’ve stupidly been in similar situation in the past at least twice. The friends who borrowed were not even poor, just had temporary financial difficulties. When their financial circumstances have improved, they were not in a hurry to pay back. I felt ghosted! I’m not rich myself but was always well paid and had savings. I had to hire a lawyer to get the money from one of them (20k gbp) and put a lot of pressure on another one ( 1k) to get my money back. Obviously I’m not friends with these people anymore and I finally learned the lesson! In retrospective, I realised that I was emotionally manipulated and had poor boundaries in the past.

I don't think there's any "may" about it.

Don't do this. Just say no. If your friend presses you, say tell her why. What if your car breaks down tomorrow? What if you need a new boiler?

Don't even say you can afford it, or don't have the funds.

Say no. If asked why say you do not lend money and say do not ask again.

No is a phenomenally empowering word when used effectively.

No! If it makes you feel better make up an excuse...oh dear, I've just had to lend all my savings to my sister cos her boiler broke or whatever. If they are this irresponsible with money they will never pay you back. So your choice is them possibly being unreasonably annoyed with you or you being out a small fortune and feeling resetful.

The friendship was over the moment they asked. You have two choices.

1. Refuse, and friendship ends now. You keep your £2K.
2. Give Lend them the money. The friendship continues until they don’t pay you back. You lose your £2K.

I think it’s a fairly easy decision.

Not a single person saying anything other then a big fat NO.

I've lent money to friends before (they'd always paid me back). Until they didn't, and it ruined the friendship. Even though I was perfectly reasonable about waiting, they became bitter and resentful. They asked for more, and I refused. Got the money back, but it took a long time, and now I don't see the them much.

Your relationship will likely suffer either way, but it'll be better for you if it suffers while your savings are still safe.

I have a couple of friends who are skint.

They would never dream of asking for anything.

Nooooo! Don’t do it. You will lose £2k and a friendship.

I can't believe you've even considered this. Not a chance in hell.

It's 100% unanimous here.

No.

Don't do it!! The fact they have a poor credit history should be enough to you to run. Too many red flags.

Say no. You’ll never get it back. They’re flakey. Not your problem. No. No. No. stay strong. 💪🏻

Wow! Thank you so much for all the messages and advice.

To answer some of your questions:

They know I have savings but not how much. I’ve never told them the amount.

The 22k is gone. They worked before the payout but left their jobs and used the money to live off and go on a couple of holidays. She’s working again now and he’s due to start a new job in a few weeks. They have 4 kids between them. I don’t have any children.

Apparently they need the car for his new job and to ferry the kids to and from school, activities etc

Unlike most on Mumsnet, I've both borrowed money from and lent money and there has NEVER been an issue with paying it back. In my culture this is a normal thing to do.

However, I think in your particular circumstances, I'd hesitate to do this. Your friend doesn't sound terribly responsible about money. And she had a chance to put some savings away, which she instead spent. And the fact that they can't put it on a credit card, which indicates they are maxed out and didn't pay anything off when they could, doesn't bode well. I would only do this if you could make it a gift rather than a loan. But you can't do that so I would just say that you're not in a position to help.

I've never learnt more than £100 to friends. It has to be an amount I'm happy to write off. Not prepared to write off 2k.

Never lend what you can't afford to lose OP. There is nothing in those posts that say they can pay you back. You'll lose your money and your friendship.

Please don't do it. They won't be able to pay you back.

No way, they've proven that they cannot pay back debt.