Friend has asked to borrow money but I’m not sure

[sunrisesunshine]

Good morning

My close friend has asked to borrow money from me and I’m struggling to make a decision.

The money is for a car repair, roughly 2k. Maybe a bit more. The car has failed the MOT and requires this work before the mechanic can pass it. My friend and her partner both have poor credit scores due to previous debt and they’re unable to use a credit card to cover the cost. They can’t afford to sell the car and buy another one and they also don’t have any savings. I have around 5k.

There’s a few reasons why I don’t think it’s a good idea:

1. I’m single and bought my first house last year. My savings are there to cover any emergencies, if I lose my job or something in the house needs fixing. I don’t have a partner or any family to support me financially if something goes wrong.
2. Her partner received a large pay out from his previous employer last year (around 22k) which they used to live off instead of working. I think it was careless to not save any money.
3. I have no way of enforcing them to pay if they decide not to… right?!

I know it will be an awkward conversation if I say no though. I feel like they’ve put me in a crappy situation.

These people aren't your friends, OP. You sound sorted and sensible and responsible, not chaotic lazy fools like these.

You say 'Buying this place has wiped me out. What happened to the £22k you had last year?' Phase them out of your life while you find your tribe of sorted, responsible friends who won't try to exploit you. Good luck.

A close friend i might help out with a tenner then again I would just buy the milk etc and take it to them.
But when anyone asks for anything that ends with ks at the end can piss right off.

You don't have to go into explanations - her partner inherited, they did not save, it is none of your business. Your business is to say 'no'. End of. No.

I am saying this as a person whose dh lost 30K on being 'kind to family and friends', because he is a moron. YOU don't be a moron.

Wearing my experience of life and people hat …

it’s a total NO!

Do not lend these cheeky people the money. Just don’t.

Four pages of mumsnetters can't be wrong op.

Don’t do it!!! I had a friend ask to borrow 2k for an emergency. I just said no sorry don’t have the money (I did). She then went on to borrow it off another friend and never paid her back!

Even if she knows you have the money, just say no sorry I don’t have it or say it’s already been spent.

If she can’t afford the MOT then tough tits. Same happened to me last year and I got the car scrapped. Wouldn’t dream of asking to borrow money to fix it!

Nope, it's a bad idea. They probably won't be able to pay back as careless with money. It's yours and and for your security. If they have a problem with you saying no then that's on them.

If you had 100k in the bank, then maybe. But 2k out of 5k isn’t money you can afford to lose.

"No, sorry, I can't afford to". Going forward, never tell friends how much savings you have - ever. Point out, you'd be in the shit, if something of your own breaks.

No because they simply won’t be able to afford to pay you back.

No one else will lend to them for a good reason. Say no and don’t feel awkward! Why would they think they’re entitled to use your hard earned income? If they’re awkward they’re not real friends.

Definite no from me.

This is what jumped out at me. Aside from the fact they’re irresponsible with money and it’s almost half your savings you’d be waiting to get paid back, it’s especially inconsiderate for a couple to ask that sort of money from a single woman (or man)

I’ve had couple friends ask for me for money when I was single, although it nowhere near as much as 2K. I gave it to them on several occasions but the same “friends” were always nowhere to be seen in terms of offering help when I was made homeless/lost a job etc. I’ve learnt my lesson!

As a single person it’s not wise to be propping up couples/families who have each others backs, but won’t have your back. You are on your own but they aren’t!

When push comes to shove they’ll (rightly) prioritise each other or their “little family” and won’t even factor you in. There’s two of them, and one of you. They need to figure it out between themselves!

The friendship will end either way. A. If you refuse, and B. if they don't repay you, which is highly likely.

It's easier to say no when you remember this.

Absolutely not and any awkwardness is their fault not yours. They shouldn’t have put you in this position. However awkward it is to say no now it’d be a million times worse having to chase her for the inevitable inability to repay you. Just say no and don’t feel bad or give an inch.

You are not an ATM.

True friendship does not cost money.

Say no. If the friendship ends breathe a sigh of relief.

No , what happened to the 22k? Is it gone ? I'd not be lending money to people who can't manage their finances because you will never get paid back

They pissed away £22k to take a year long holiday.
it was a no from me even before reading that!

I wouldn’t stay friends with someone who put me in this position, if you do stay friends then complain about being short of money EVERY SINGLE TIME you have anything to do with them. If they know that you have savings just remember that when it was discussed they were quietly noting that you were a potential resource.

Do not lend them the money under any circumstances and from now on do not reveal any of your financial information to anyone even your very best friend.

Tell your friend the money you have is already allocated to something house related, be vague but tell them firmly you can’t lend any money to them as you have no ‘spare’ money. Your friend is the type of person who sees savings as spare money so she thinks it is ok to ask you. Actually there is no such thing as spare money as eventually it will be used by the person who saved it.

Also what gives them the idea you have money that you can freely lend when you have recently bought a home for yourself

If they'll make it difficult for you to say no, they'll also make it difficult when you ask to be repaid.

You'd essentially be giving half your savings away. Why would you do that? They haven't been able to save for the repair, so it's unlikely they will ever have the money to pay you back.

Do they still not work? Was the payout for something that made it harder for him to work? Was she just not working or she quit to live off his payout? Are there children? If not and they don’t work do they really need the car anyway? If no children and no job like they aren’t even trying id say no. Otherwise I don’t know, but if I did give them 2k I’d say I’m angry that you spent 20k and need to borrow my savings, so I’m never ever doing this again. You need to save like the rest of us.

A car is a luxury, not a given right to own one. If they can't afford to upkeep and repair a car, they shouldn't have one. Saying goes.. "never a borrower or a lender be". Unless you can afford to lose the money. Also, it can seriously affect friendships so if you value yours with them, just politely decline, no explanation needed.