Friend has asked to borrow money but I’m not sure

[sunrisesunshine]

Good morning

My close friend has asked to borrow money from me and I’m struggling to make a decision.

The money is for a car repair, roughly 2k. Maybe a bit more. The car has failed the MOT and requires this work before the mechanic can pass it. My friend and her partner both have poor credit scores due to previous debt and they’re unable to use a credit card to cover the cost. They can’t afford to sell the car and buy another one and they also don’t have any savings. I have around 5k.

There’s a few reasons why I don’t think it’s a good idea:

1. I’m single and bought my first house last year. My savings are there to cover any emergencies, if I lose my job or something in the house needs fixing. I don’t have a partner or any family to support me financially if something goes wrong.
2. Her partner received a large pay out from his previous employer last year (around 22k) which they used to live off instead of working. I think it was careless to not save any money.
3. I have no way of enforcing them to pay if they decide not to… right?!

I know it will be an awkward conversation if I say no though. I feel like they’ve put me in a crappy situation.

How does she know you have money?
just say no. Don’t explain. They have abused the relationship by asking.

They made their choices. Let them ask their family. You will not see the loan again and that will wreck the friendship anyway. I was a lender to my own detriment for too long. Learnt a lot of hard lessons about 'friends'. Say No, 5K is not enough of a cushion to be lending from. You may find, as I did, that as you assert yourself, any friends who are taking advantage will drop away, and will be replaced by healtheir relationships. No, No , No. They are blackmailing you.

Friend or not, they should never have put you in this awkward position. My advice, for what it’s worth, would be to say no (unless you are prepared, and can afford, never to see your money again). They’ve already demonstrated, from what you have posted, that they can’t manage money well, as they struggle to repay debt. (This alone, suggests they’ll never be in a position to repay you).

It won’t be easy for you, I’m sure, to say “no” because they are friends. However, to some extent, they might be relying on this fact. So please, be strong, and say no. It won’t end well, otherwise (and, to be honest, if they drop you because you refuse, then they really are only fair weather friends and best dropped anyway). I wish you all the best, but please, be strong.

Lending this money would change the whole dynamic of your relationship. As many others have suggested, this is a bad idea. The short-term awkwardness that will come from saying no is nothing compared with that.

Definitely don't do it. I actually don't think she's a good friend to put you in this position. None of my friends have ever asked me to borrow money, and I have friends who have little money. I have also never asked to borrow money from friends. If you find the conversation awkward you could just lie and say a sudden emergency expense has come up for you that has wiped out your savings (car or vet bill, house repair, expense relating to helping elderly parent, etc.) And if she treats you negatively or awkwardly in response to that, or pushes you more for money anyway, it's further proof she is not a true/good friend.

2k is a lot of mo wy to lend, I wouldn't do it.
They had a chance to buy a car and didn't.
And don't tell people you have savings,they'll try and mooch it off you.

Sorry if been asked already but why would it be awkward? How do they know you have savings?. Just say you don't have that kind of money to spare or you'd be on a beach in Alacante sipping tequila sunrise. You'll never get it back, can you afford to lose £2k?

Do NOT lend them the money!! How do they plan to pay you back?You'll never see your £2000 again, I can guarantee it. They should have been more sensible with the money they had and, give in once, they'll be asking again and again. Please don't do it.

Just say no, you don’t have it. You are not obliged to get them out of the hole they have dug themselves into. Cheeky of them to ask. Don’t be pressured into anything.

Don't 'lend' i.e. give them any money, obviously, given what you know of them. Your relationship is already compromised because by asking you in the first place, you are able to see how they are willing to use you when it suits, even though they know you bought a house only a year ago and have only your lone self to rely upon.

Have you thought to turn the tables on your friend, give her a bit of cheek back, with realism and honesty instead of an awkward or apologetic refusal from a defensive posture. How about saying 'No chance' and nothing else, not being apologetic, staying silent so that it switches to her needing to say something. You could then follow up with 'The bank of Friend' is out of money. Then if it proceeds, you could go on: 'You do know I've just bought a house' and ask if she'd like to help you with the mortgage, seeing as there is nothing between you and a ton of bricks coming down on your head but a few quid that you didn't find on a tree.

If it progresses towards honesty and home truths, tell her to be realistic, that you know she is reckless not good with money - e.g. the lump sum squandered - and you wouldn't want not to be paid back or to have to chase anyone for the money.

Don't be a doormat, in other words. You are already thinking things about her and your friendship. Own it and be plain about it. If she doesn't like it, too bad.

It’s a no from me, too. I’m not sure how / why your friend knows about your savings (it’s not the kind of detail I’d share with any of my friends, it’s none of their business) but actually how much / how little ££ you have is irrelevant. She can ask you for a loan (bad move on her part) but so can you say no, I’m not lending you any money.

All you need to do is gently say you’re not able to loan her any cash. You don’t need to go into the whys and wherefores. If she pushes, just repeat you’re not able to help. Don’t be drawn into explanations or excuses. If she’s a true friend she will understand.

I will just say been there done that & it did not end well !

Don't do it unless you want to lose your friendship !

Do this

Please don’t lend it. Next week your boiler could break, your roof might leak, your own car might fail it’s MOT.

I imagine it’s not been that easy to save £5k. You’ve probably gone without things in order to do this.

You’d have no way easy of making them pay you back and it sounds like they don’t have a huge amount of spare money so even if they start paying it back, it’ll be in dribs and drabs. Then they’ll need to “just miss this month” due to kid’s birthdays, Christmas, school trips etc etc.

I lent money to a good friend a few years back and it was agreed they would pay it back over three months - May, June and July, for context.

First month, no problem, second month, no problem. Third month and they didn’t have the money, but would “pay next week”. This money never came despite repeated requests and multiple promises.

After several months of this, by now October, I needed the money to start sorting my own families Christmas (gifts, food etc) and gave them a deadline to please pay by the end of November.

It ended the friendship - they went ballistic, called me all the names under the sun, said I was taking food from their children’s mouths, would be ruining their Christmas as they’d not be able to get presents for their children and bad-mouthed me to any friends and acquaintances.

My name was mud thereafter - the money never came; I struggled with Christmas yet their kids had an inordinate amount of presents - new bikes, an iPad, clothes etc. and they went on a New Year’s holiday!!

Like a previous poster said, you’ll end up losing the money AND the friendship. Only the friendship is at risk if you say “no”.

Interesting that they’ve presumably already asked family who’ve declined (most people would ask family first before asking friends surely?)

Can't they just take public transport?

Either way, give or not, you will lose this friendship. I have done this several times and I know they will end up resenting you. Keep your money, preferably in an account not too easy to access. Say no quickly.

My PILs refused to lend money to one of their daughters. They said that the agreed with the bank that it would be too high a risk.

My SIL was very upset but we had warned her: the last time she borrowed money from her parents she took forever to pay them back. Some months she just didn't pay the very low monthly sum, without any heads up, mind you. At one point she didn't pay for half a year but she flaunted luxury goods at every family event. We warned her back then that this would make her parents reluctant to lend her any more money and we warned her before she asked them again. Still, she was very surprised and it was all so very unfair.

I think if you lend it there will always be an excuse for not paying it back.

Please don't! Friendships crumble fast with money issues. You may end up with no friend and no money. It's your rainy day safety.

No
No
No
It may be awkward but No - you need your savings

They will not pay it back - they've gone through 22K .....

Here’s my reply for you, edit it to fit:

“Wow it really surprised me that you asked me to lend you so much. I’m not sure why you think I have that kind of spare cash to lend? Well the fact is that I can’t do this so you’ll have to sort something else out. Please don’t ask me to lend you money again, I find it very awkward discussing this sort of thing.”

Just say no you dont need to justify to her why you wont lend her you're money theirs no guarantee you will get it back. If family get onto you about it just tell them its my money i earned it and you dont tell me what to do with it. Also their more than welcome to lend it to her if they want .

This. Some years ago, a so-called friend asked to borrow £30 from me and said she would pay it back the following week. I said I would lend it to her, but told her I was uncomfortable doing so. I explained that because I owned my own home, I had to have savings in case of any emergency. She lives in a Council house, so obviously any major repairs etc are covered by them.

She did dutifully pay the money back the following week, but three months later asked to borrow more, so obviously hadn't taken on board anything I had said. This time I refused, so she then decided it was ok to steal from me each time she visited, which fortunately wasn't very often. She knows that I know she was stealing, so no longer visits. The trash took itself out.

Does the friend know how much money you have saved? No.

It's an easy refusal - sorry don't have that sort of money, I've just bought a house.

Does the friend know how much money you have saved? Yes.

Maybe a harder conversation. A straight no might cause upset. but 'It's tied up in an isa" or "I'm hoping to put new windows/carpets/buy a car/go on holiday" in the near future.

The rule for lending to friends - never lend more than you can afford to loose.