To consider this arrangement

[redbull5]

I know I will be flamed, I don't know where to start with this, I went on a dates, it was ok, I didn't know he was married at first, I found out recently, he told me, I didn't suspect as he was happy to text/call all different times/no secrecy etc. I obviously stopped speaking/said wasn't interested when I found this out. Since then he has sent a few messages asking if I would consider a arrangement to meet weekly (in hotel) for sex, as he wants a long term woman/arrangement like this in exchange for money. He is Turkish,I am English. He is rich, I am poor. I don't think I will do It as it doesn't sit well but am I unreasonable to be tempted a bit by 600 a month when I am really struggling for money right now, in rent arrears, in overdraft soon as I am paid etc and before I knew he was married I did find him attractive and would of slept with him on the next date anyway I think. It feels wrong and dirty but is it really unreasonable to have thought about it and not said automatic no when you are really struggling with money, I considered to do it for around 6 months to clear my overdraft so I could start fresh as I can never catch up with that

This I would consider as escorting not prostitution. I think there is a difference.

Personally OP, I wouldn’t do it. I feel you are worth more than that, and I’d be aware it could harm your self-esteem in the long run.

An escort provides company only. Once sex is sold it becomes prostitution.

I don't think you are unreasonable to consider it. If you are stressed about money and this is a means to paying off debt for something that you were considering doing anyway, see it as a bonus.

But do consider it from all angles...

How long are you prepared to do this for?
What price are you willing to accept?
What are you prepared to do for this money? (Is it just sex or will it be dinner/dates too?)
What are your boundaries (condoms, positions, kinks, bondage, STD tests beforehand etc)?
What if he turned up with a friend?
What if he wants to do something you say no to - will he feel entitled to do it anyway because he has paid you?
What if he filmed it and blackmailed you or put it on a revenge porn site?
Do you have another way to make the money (eg. ask him for £2k or you show his wife the screenshots...)

The fact that he is married and using a dating site shows he is not entirely trustworthy.

For me, it would be too risky and it isn't what I'm looking for, but it is sensible to consider these things.

I suspect he's not rich and you'd never see any money for your work. £600 per month is an oddly low amount for someone to offer for this amount of sex work. Is he all flash talk about money but really has very little?

Well obviously I'm not sure of his exact finances but I do know he has succesful business as we have spoke for a while before meeting facetime calls etc, I just know he is a lot more financially secure than I am right now, he dresses well,drive nice car, I've seen him daily for probably 2 months online so pictures/videos/face times in the same business ( home design/furniture store) he always pay for dates, says in his culture men look after women in that way, although I did offer to split lunch etc. I know where he works, so if he was a predator It wouldn't be hard to find him as I have checked reviews of his workplace and they mention him by name etc, but it's just morally I don't like he has a wife. And I'm also scared of it is something not legitimate or dodgy and also I don't fancy him so much now as he obviously lied to me for 3 dates, not the end of the world for me, but I also don't really like it, so yeah the money would be welcome but I think Its too risky really

Yeah I guess 600 per month, so say 150 a week for 2/3 hours daytime sex, that I would of probably happily of done if he wasn't married and it was more natural just because we was dating kind of thing, I probably would of had sex with him weekly or so if we was dating normally, it's just that it changes it. It becomes a arrangement. And it's weird.

I think pp are right, that if he’s paying for it he will expect degrading acts or things he would never do with his wife. That’s the difference. If you were a girlfriend or an equal partner then you’d just say no or he wouldn’t ask you to do these things. I’d be scared of saying no as what will happen then? Potentially the possibility of violence

He wants to meet 4 times a month for 600?

You are literally selling yourself short.

Sex work wouldn't exist if we didn't live in a patriarchal society where women are seen as commodities to buy/sell/trade... But a woman in a dire financial situation is the last person I will lecture on morality.

Think about yourself in 5 years, when you could be doing okay money wise. Will the thought of you doing sex work make you feel dirty, used, shameful?

If so, do not do it. A short term fix is not worth a lifetime of mental health issues surrounding intimacy and sex.

If you think you will be fine and you want to do it, then I would be asking for a more realistic number.

Make sure he pays for the entire month at once at the beginning, or at the very least in advance before each time. Do not let him "owe" you. Do not let him pay via PayPal or similar where he can claw the money back and call you a scammer (it could affect your ability to use banks).

I know a woman who did this for several years. She is happy she did it, but I feel sad she felt she had to in the first place.

Edit: My friend charged 300 per time and double that for anal. I forgot to add that she was doing the same as you are considering. She only did it with one man at a time. I guess it's a sugar baby arrangement. Your guy is probably on that seeking arrangements website lol

One of my fears about this arrangement would be your ability to enforce boundaries in terms of what you consent to. If he's buying you he may refuse to accept that there are sexual activities you don't want to do or won't do. I mean that's always a risk with any guy but this demonstrably shifts power dynamics.

This. ^

Even if he was not married you would still have done it?

Ewwwwwwww. 😖

Why does your size matter..? Some men (and women!) have a genuine preference for women size 18+ and wouldn’t personally rate or sleep with anyone under a size 12. It always gets me when people mention their size in relation to their attractiveness. You clearly need to get out more and speak to more men (as I’m gathering that is your preference!) to find out how highly sought after women of all sizes happen to be!

Is size 12 big now then is it?

He's grooming you for him and his mates!

I bet he's from a different culture as this is the modus operandi to groom girls and women.

He will present as being well to do and married so that you are at arms length and he can tell you any old nonsense because he thinks you are gullible.

If you say yes to £600 he knows you are going to be an easy target to put into prostitution.

You are walking into a a trap and will belong to a gang of men, to be passed around.

If you have ambitions of being a sex worker then crack on

Have you considered that this could in fact be a blackmail scam? You haven’t had sex with him YET, but he’s wanting to pay you? I bet you would find yourself in a hotel room with cameras and within an hour it is you paying him so he doesn’t blow your life apart.

Yes and you can’t be conveniently attractive at that size either apparently. It’s a clear indication that she “isn’t much” and therefore she couldn’t dare ask for more than £150-200 a pop for her self respect.

I would tell him if he wants to pay for you he needs to pay extra for your discretion to his wife. Just to see what he says. My guess is he would block you and move to the next target.

£50 an hour seems like you’re short changing yourself!

But you know that he is married now.

What kind of bargain basement sex work situation is this you are considering?!

You should get in touch with his wife and tell her exactly what he's up to.

This. ^ Don't do it @redbull5

Well I meant if we was dating normally (not married) then I would find it normal to have sex once per week or so at this kind of stage? Obviously not in this kind of way, but if we were both single and dating that would be pretty normal. I was asking others opinions and wether other people had been propositioned the same? But I do believe it is dodgy, without the moral stuff, I innocently went on some dates, now this, and wanted to discuss not IRL as I can't, and I'm glad I did as more risks than I seemed to understand, I didn't think about possible scams, trafficking, other men etc.

I'm not particularly attractive even, I'm not ugly but I'm not stunning size 12 so I don't really understand why I was propositioned for this as never have anything like this before

You don't look at the mantlepiece when youre stoking the fire.

It's not your face he's interested in.

What's his number?