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AIBU?

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Original poster

To consider this arrangement

139 replies

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 09:26

I know I will be flamed, I don't know where to start with this, I went on a dates, it was ok, I didn't know he was married at first, I found out recently, he told me, I didn't suspect as he was happy to text/call all different times/no secrecy etc. I obviously stopped speaking/said wasn't interested when I found this out. Since then he has sent a few messages asking if I would consider a arrangement to meet weekly (in hotel) for sex, as he wants a long term woman/arrangement like this in exchange for money. He is Turkish,I am English. He is rich, I am poor. I don't think I will do It as it doesn't sit well but am I unreasonable to be tempted a bit by 600 a month when I am really struggling for money right now, in rent arrears, in overdraft soon as I am paid etc and before I knew he was married I did find him attractive and would of slept with him on the next date anyway I think. It feels wrong and dirty but is it really unreasonable to have thought about it and not said automatic no when you are really struggling with money, I considered to do it for around 6 months to clear my overdraft so I could start fresh as I can never catch up with that

OP posts:
McSpoot · 02/04/2025 11:28

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 11:24

Yes I am aware of they are regular woman that is not how I meant it, I meant it as in I never advertised myself as one etc and they do...and just because offered to me...I have not done it...so therefore I am not one?

No, you're not. But you would be one if you took up the offer - hence your comment about him not wanting a prostitute is where the "othering" occurs. He does want a prostitute - he wants you to be one.

BlondiePortz · 02/04/2025 11:28

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 11:23

And also I suppose he had to tell me he was married, as we met in the day time all 3 times (there has been no sex,only kisses) and obviously eventually if we continued to date I would of wanted to go out in evenings/stay over etc so he had to tell me or I would of stop seeing him/questioned it? Then he brought this stuff up, for the people asking the details I don't know I haven't had a in-depth conversation about it as not interested feels too grubby like that

It doesn't stop you being a prostitute if you are paid for it

whatapalarva · 02/04/2025 12:01

Its a tough one and anyone who has struggled with debt will understand your dilemma. For goodness sake, they made a Hollywood film about the same thing!!
Why don't you write a list of the pro's and cons and what conditions you will put in place eg. using protection and reimbursement of costs (rather than a fee) and a trial period. If you are still looking for a life partner then you will need to set a date when this arrangement will stop. Can you confide in anyone of your close friends who wont judge but will be aware of the arrangement, if you accept, so that they know when you will meet potentially?
On the flip side, if you have doubts about the moral issue here then decline and look at other ways to boost your income. I would be worried that you would get used to the extra money and take things further with other men which is a dangerous slippery slope.

vriirfblred · 02/04/2025 12:09

Do as you see fit to do, OP.
I've pondered similar before, not that I wanted to do it but more curious.
I would however request more money and change it to as hoc.

LavenderFields7 · 02/04/2025 12:29

PTSD is rife within sex work. Also people start to feel disgust towards their own bodies leading to eating disorders and all sorts. I wouldn’t do it for the sake of your mental health years down the line. Not to mention risk of stds (he is likely to want unprotected sex and he will have used sex workers before 100%).

jolies1 · 02/04/2025 12:34

I wouldn’t do it, no.

If I considered sex work (which this is - although perhaps easier to get on board with than seeking clients yourself) I would ask for more money, I would book hotel rooms myself (he pays) so I know there’s no one else waiting there & I would tell someone I trusted so they knew where I was, who I was with and when I expected to leave.

Aworldofwonder · 02/04/2025 12:35

At least charge 2k if you're considering it.

Hoppinggreen · 02/04/2025 12:38

I am not judging on moral grounds and if you want to do it its up to you but call it what it is, its Prostitution
If you understand that and still want to do it then ask for more money but get it upfront and be prepared to refund and/or stop the arrangement if he asks for anything you don't want to do.
I mean ideally don't do it at all but you are a grown up and entitled to make your own decision so if you think you can do it and do it safely then I don't see who would get hurt by it.

PlasticPassion · 02/04/2025 12:39

It is way, way too risky.
You don’t know what this man will do or is capable of. It’s dodgy af.
Don’t do it.

Crunchymum · 02/04/2025 12:42

At least negotiate a little....

(kidding!)

JHound · 02/04/2025 12:46

How would you feel about yourself if you did it?

Both for the money and also having sex with a man who is married?

Also from a mental health point of view: I think sex work done out of financial desperation is going to have a very different impact on your mental heath than sex work freely selected.

I wouldn’t but I have never been that desperate for cash. At least this is a guy you fancied but receipt of cash may change that.

applegrumbling · 02/04/2025 12:47

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 11:24

Yes I am aware of they are regular woman that is not how I meant it, I meant it as in I never advertised myself as one etc and they do...and just because offered to me...I have not done it...so therefore I am not one?

You will be if you do this.

Original poster
redbull5 · 02/04/2025 12:48

Hoppinggreen · 02/04/2025 12:38

I am not judging on moral grounds and if you want to do it its up to you but call it what it is, its Prostitution
If you understand that and still want to do it then ask for more money but get it upfront and be prepared to refund and/or stop the arrangement if he asks for anything you don't want to do.
I mean ideally don't do it at all but you are a grown up and entitled to make your own decision so if you think you can do it and do it safely then I don't see who would get hurt by it.

Well I guess his wife would be hurt by it...I've been cheated on before and it's not nice. I know it's not my duty to her etc it's his but it still feels wrong even though I don't know anything about her I just know she exists. But if it is not me it will just be the next woman etc. anyway I am too scared incase it is a trafficking thing like people have said, is that how that happens? I don't know. I'm not particularly attractive even, I'm not ugly but I'm not stunning size 12 so I don't really understand why I was propositioned for this as never have anything like this before and actually I would say he's a fair bit more attractive than me, and was charming/lovely, so it's made my senses on edge that it is something dodgy like that and that's how reel you in? But maybe I am being paranoid, I don't know

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 02/04/2025 12:49

So you are considering being a prostitute for a married man because he’s rich? Just wow

Life isn’t like pretty woman you know. You’ve already fucked another woman’s husband, don’t degrade yourself further by allowing this scum to pay for use of your vagina

Doolallies · 02/04/2025 12:49

If you’re gonna do this ffs ask for more money

JHound · 02/04/2025 12:51

Also I cannot imagine wanting to have sex with a man who cannot even convince his own wife to have sex with him.

And somebody who has demonstrated women’s boundaries mean little to him.

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 02/04/2025 12:56

Leaving aside any questions about morals, you don't know for certain about his finances.
As PP said, he could be grooming you for trafficking with his friends / associates.
Maybe I am also bieng paranoid, but
you could be at risk of blackmail, assault, rape anything!

EnjoythemoneyJane · 02/04/2025 13:02

TwistedWonder · 02/04/2025 12:49

So you are considering being a prostitute for a married man because he’s rich? Just wow

Life isn’t like pretty woman you know. You’ve already fucked another woman’s husband, don’t degrade yourself further by allowing this scum to pay for use of your vagina

She hasn’t. As you’d know if you’d actually read her posts properly before dropping in full of judgement and righteous indignation.

TwistedWonder · 02/04/2025 13:07

EnjoythemoneyJane · 02/04/2025 13:02

She hasn’t. As you’d know if you’d actually read her posts properly before dropping in full of judgement and righteous indignation.

Show quote history

Ok I’ve reread the OP and I apologise to her for saying she’s already fucked him however I stand by the rest of my post.

Original poster
redbull5 · 02/04/2025 13:17

TwistedWonder · 02/04/2025 13:07

Ok I’ve reread the OP and I apologise to her for saying she’s already fucked him however I stand by the rest of my post.

Edited
Show quote history

Well yes he is the one on tinder, who went on 3 day time dates whilst married, not me, I am not married, and I had no reason to believe he was, I also didn't have sex with him, they were quite nice standard dates with no sex, and I also didn't come up with this idea, and actually didn't reply when he said he was married, and then said I wasn't interested further...then this, so I don't really think is my fault I went on dates with married man as I tend to believe people wanting to date that they are single 🤷

OP posts:
YourBestFriend · 02/04/2025 13:27

OP, you are getting an undeserved bashing on this thread.
Times are really tough right now, and I understand why you would consider it.
Given the arranged natures of the proposal, with a clear layout in duration and frequency, and as long as it does not involve anything seedy, I would not judge you if you decide to partake.

YourBestFriend · 02/04/2025 13:31

NuitDeSable · 02/04/2025 09:54

Chances are when you get to the hotel room there will be more than one man waiting in there.

Don't degrade yourself even further my prostituting your body go someone who sees you as nothing but a place to insert his penis.

Do you really think you'd ever see the money once they're done with you? You'll be man Ed and end up working for him or even trafficked.

You have watched too many movies.

orangedream · 02/04/2025 13:36

He doesn't seem that rich if he is offering you less than the going rate for sex work. He wants a discounted sex worker?

If you're going to do this to yourself, you might as well get paid properly for it.

Brefugee · 02/04/2025 13:39

I don't really understand why I was propositioned for this

Because if you don't ask, you don't get? He was chancing his arm. All you need to do is say no and block him

Lurkingandlearning · 02/04/2025 13:41

If you take all the moral issues out of this for a moment, just ask yourself the following questions.

You know he is a liar so how can you be sure he would actually pay you? Would you get your whole month’s wages in advance? Does he intend to deduct the price of the hotel rooms from the £600?

Some sex workers do have regular customers, but what he is asking for is exclusive access. I don’t know but I think they would charge an awful lot more for that service than what he’s offering. That suggests he sees you as a low value whore. Or maybe it is because he hasn’t had sex with you yet so is unsure of the quality of the service you would provide. Are you prepared for him to renegotiate if he decides to pay you less?

What put you in the financial straits you find yourself in? If you can’t manage on your wages, how likely is it that this would only be a short term solution? You could find yourself dependent on him until he tires of you and then, within a short time, be back in the same position.

But at that point you will feel very differently about yourself. It’s very unlikely the experience will leave you feeling empowered, more likely your self esteem will be destroyed and your mental health shattered. Will you be able to afford the long term therapy you will need to recover from that?

I’m wondering if you see this as some sort of Pretty Woman situation. Don’t. It’s fiction. You would be far better off googling to find the official agencies that are there to help with debt management. The citizens advice bureau is the first that springs to mind. Beware of private companies that will charge you for advice, they are not what you need and are often scammers. But to be fair they won’t give you an STD.

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