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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider this arrangement

139 replies

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 09:26

I know I will be flamed, I don't know where to start with this, I went on a dates, it was ok, I didn't know he was married at first, I found out recently, he told me, I didn't suspect as he was happy to text/call all different times/no secrecy etc. I obviously stopped speaking/said wasn't interested when I found this out. Since then he has sent a few messages asking if I would consider a arrangement to meet weekly (in hotel) for sex, as he wants a long term woman/arrangement like this in exchange for money. He is Turkish,I am English. He is rich, I am poor. I don't think I will do It as it doesn't sit well but am I unreasonable to be tempted a bit by 600 a month when I am really struggling for money right now, in rent arrears, in overdraft soon as I am paid etc and before I knew he was married I did find him attractive and would of slept with him on the next date anyway I think. It feels wrong and dirty but is it really unreasonable to have thought about it and not said automatic no when you are really struggling with money, I considered to do it for around 6 months to clear my overdraft so I could start fresh as I can never catch up with that

OP posts:
Bumblebeestiltskin · 02/04/2025 10:12

I'd say yes if he was single, but, come on, he's married!

Crazycatlady79 · 02/04/2025 10:14

If you want to be a prostitute, don't do it for a paltry £600, dear. Negotiate a better price for having your self-worth ground into the floor.

CheesePlantBoxes · 02/04/2025 10:18

Of course it's tempting now while you're struggling but I think future you will struggle with knowing you were a prostitute.

You may be tempted further by his friends with money or other sex work. There's no such thing as easy mon. Vicious cycles start with a first step.

Only you can decide if you think your current needs are more urgent than your overall wellbeing.

Trypenniesfromheaven · 02/04/2025 10:19

He sounds appalling on every level.
Cheating on his wife AND his assumption that women have their price: they are there to be bought . It's actually a real insult to you that he thinks you are available for sale.

And if he really wanted regular sex with a woman other than his wife there will be plenty of women already in the sex industry who, for the right money, might be prepared to have him as an exclusive client. So the fact he is offering the job to you is frankly very worrying. You would be making yourself vulnerable to all sorts of potential dangers. You would be putting yourself in his power.

Widowerwouldyou · 02/04/2025 10:21

If this is real then I would dismiss it. Just be aware that he will tire of you and drop you so don’t be reliant on the income. Also consider how in a future relationship with a decent guy he will likely be put off by your past. You won’t be able to keep it secret. And open to outing, or blackmail, by him - or his wife when she finds out. And if you date others during the arrangement, what will you tell them?

PoppyBaxter · 02/04/2025 10:27

When I worked out in Dubai, this arrangement was standard. The Arab men would have a wife and kids, and a blonde Western paid-for 'mistress' on the side. As they were paid for, it was common for the man to inflict degrading sex acts on the mistress, such as violent anal sex.

Just something to be aware of.

PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt · 02/04/2025 10:30

I would be tempted too op.

It's rough being on the bones of your arse and living in your overdraft.

I think I would probably ask for a grand and just do it for 3 months to get myself back on an even keel financially if I'm honest.

MindlessDaydream · 02/04/2025 10:36

It's not going to be lovely and romantic OP. He's paying and he's going to expect things for that price.

If you are going to do it, you need to ask for far more. And be very realistic about what's on the menu.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 02/04/2025 10:37

He's buying you - cheaply, no less - and would feel entitled to use and disregard you at will and how he pleases, which means you wouldn't be able to rely on the money even. That's without getting into the psychological ramifications you might experience.

There's a reason Pretty Woman wasn't originally a romantic comedy.

BlondiePortz · 02/04/2025 10:39

No it's not tempting to be a prostitute but I presume it may work better if you do it to be honest about what it is

What would people close to you say if you told them?

Shatteredallthetimelately · 02/04/2025 10:49

he wants a long term woman/arrangement like this in exchange for money.

He had a long term woman as in his wife.

He just wants a bit on the side and is willing, so he says, in paying for it

Would you be the only one he has this arrangement with, or are you just one in a line of women he pays to have sex with him?

RatedDoingMagic · 02/04/2025 10:49

A rich person wants to exploit your poverty and pressure you into surrendering your very bodily integrity for his pleasure. Consent cannot be "bought" - this is financial coercion and is ethically equivalent to all the other kinds of coercion (knife to the throat, threats of violence or humiliation, threats of social exclusion) which other rapists use. He is a vile person who you don't want to have close enough to you to whack with a bargepole, let alone close enough to touch you with his wholely inadequate dick.

It is the intrinsic misogyny endemic in society that makes the idea of someone being a prostitute somehow more shameful than being the person who abuses a woman by paying for prostitution. 100% of the blame and shame belong to him.

Kendodd · 02/04/2025 10:54

Would you have weekly sex with him without the money OP?

rainbowstardrops · 02/04/2025 10:55

Ewww he’s vile and I wouldn’t go near him for that reason alone!

McSpoot · 02/04/2025 10:58

I don't understand your comment that he doesn't want a prostitute - he's paying you to have sex, how is that not being a prostitute?

Swiftie1878 · 02/04/2025 11:02

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 09:56

And I think he doesn't want prostitute as he wants it to be same woman? Long term arrangement, and to be able to text etc in between,not sure if prostitutes do that?! And it is not for overnight it is couple of hours daytime. Anyway I am not going to,just wanted to see opinions as never had anything like this before.

Of course you have. It’s prostitution, pure and simple.
If that is your current career goal, go for it!

Think long and hard though - you have to live with yourself, and if your kids find out about it, they have to live with it too.

Original poster
redbull5 · 02/04/2025 11:05

Well I would of yes (before I knew he was married) as I did like our dates and I thought he was attractive, maybe not weekly scheduled like that but I would of slept with him yes. Yes it is prostitution but I meant as in I am not a prostitute just a regular woman, never advertised myself as one, I just went on dates unknowningly. Yes people saying 600 is low, that is huge amount to me and yes prostitutes charge lots more but I am not one! I am not going to do it but I did want to see opinions as find interesting to discuss this...never had anything like this before 🤷

OP posts:
hydriotaphia · 02/04/2025 11:06

IMHO you're not unreasonable to consider it IF you think you can count on his discretion and IF you think it wouldn't leave you traumatised and IF you feel can do it safely (ie your personal safety, though you should also obv use condoms). Lots of people will be dead against this as many on mumsnet are against sex work on principle. I think if he is someone you feel is safe to be with then it would be ok to consider this.

whatwouldyoudoifisangoutofkey · 02/04/2025 11:09

I'd be worried that something else might be coming down the line.
I don't know what TBH, request to move drugs ?

MissDoubleU · 02/04/2025 11:09

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 11:05

Well I would of yes (before I knew he was married) as I did like our dates and I thought he was attractive, maybe not weekly scheduled like that but I would of slept with him yes. Yes it is prostitution but I meant as in I am not a prostitute just a regular woman, never advertised myself as one, I just went on dates unknowningly. Yes people saying 600 is low, that is huge amount to me and yes prostitutes charge lots more but I am not one! I am not going to do it but I did want to see opinions as find interesting to discuss this...never had anything like this before 🤷

You shouldn’t be “other”ing other women though. If you accepted the money and arrangement you would be a prostitute.

And, scary as it may seem, all prostitutes are also just “normal women”

Swiftie1878 · 02/04/2025 11:12

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 11:05

Well I would of yes (before I knew he was married) as I did like our dates and I thought he was attractive, maybe not weekly scheduled like that but I would of slept with him yes. Yes it is prostitution but I meant as in I am not a prostitute just a regular woman, never advertised myself as one, I just went on dates unknowningly. Yes people saying 600 is low, that is huge amount to me and yes prostitutes charge lots more but I am not one! I am not going to do it but I did want to see opinions as find interesting to discuss this...never had anything like this before 🤷

He has made this proposal to you.
He thinks you would make a good prostitute. That’s why you don’t consider it, regardless of his marital status.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 02/04/2025 11:21

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 11:05

Well I would of yes (before I knew he was married) as I did like our dates and I thought he was attractive, maybe not weekly scheduled like that but I would of slept with him yes. Yes it is prostitution but I meant as in I am not a prostitute just a regular woman, never advertised myself as one, I just went on dates unknowningly. Yes people saying 600 is low, that is huge amount to me and yes prostitutes charge lots more but I am not one! I am not going to do it but I did want to see opinions as find interesting to discuss this...never had anything like this before 🤷

You are aware that a prostitute is a regular woman right?

Original poster
redbull5 · 02/04/2025 11:23

And also I suppose he had to tell me he was married, as we met in the day time all 3 times (there has been no sex,only kisses) and obviously eventually if we continued to date I would of wanted to go out in evenings/stay over etc so he had to tell me or I would of stop seeing him/questioned it? Then he brought this stuff up, for the people asking the details I don't know I haven't had a in-depth conversation about it as not interested feels too grubby like that

OP posts:
Original poster
redbull5 · 02/04/2025 11:24

Yes I am aware of they are regular woman that is not how I meant it, I meant it as in I never advertised myself as one etc and they do...and just because offered to me...I have not done it...so therefore I am not one?

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 02/04/2025 11:27

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 11:24

Yes I am aware of they are regular woman that is not how I meant it, I meant it as in I never advertised myself as one etc and they do...and just because offered to me...I have not done it...so therefore I am not one?

But I think it’s very important for you to reflect here. The way you are talking is very “I am not one of those” but by your own repeated admission you seriously considered this proposition, making the gap between you and “them” (ironically) a ballhairs width.