To think this packed lunch is fine?

[Lunchwoes]

So about a month ago DSD switched from hot lunches to packed lunch. She goes to school from our house Monday and Tuesday so I pack her lunch.

Today her Mum has text DH and said she's always starving when she gets in Mon and Tuesday so she needs bigger lunches. He said no problem we will make them a bit bigger or pack an extra snack for later as she has netball on a Tuesday after school.

Now this is the crazy bit, she said she just buys her Tesco meal deals as they fill her up and asked that we do the same!

For info she had a cheese and tomato omelette with a slice of toast for breakfast. Her packed lunch was a roast chicken and salad wrap, apple slices and peanut butter, a Greek yogurt and some celery sticks with hummus.

I will obviously very happily pack extra if she's hungry but a tesco meal deal?!

You forgot that she should be cooking and preparing all her own food by the age of 12

You can pack my lunch every day 😊 For me it would be enough too, but teenagers can be voracious eaters, so I agree on packing more. If your DSD has not complained about the food you put in her lunchbox, then I would continue with the healthy options, just more of everything and an extra snack.

As an side does your DSD's school not have a no nut policy?

Maybe low sugar squash? Water is absolutely correct but my dd wouldn't have liked it.

There’s two things going on , maybe she needs more food fine but why should it be a meal deal? I really don’t get that. Send some crisp and be done with it .
Ignore the haters , my children’s stepmum would never make such effort for them, your DSD is lucky to have you, and when she’s older she’ll really appreciate the health choices you made for her x

Someone asked about calories.

a 12 year old will need between 2000-2500 a day depending how active she is. If she’s just doing usual activity (but not sport) it’s the lower end. Obviously there’s some fluctuation.

i know this because my very slim 13 year old started to look a bit underweight after a big growth spurt. I myself eat about 1500 a day (I’m 5’6 and 9 stone) and I realised she needs quite a bit more so I’ve been offering her extra snacks and cereal before bed etc. she eats a proper lunch and dinner and the rest is made up from snacks really (but mostly healthy ones!) my daughter can’t have dairy which makes it hard to meet the level she needs.

OP has already clarified this.

I'd say to DSD, I'm sorry you are still hungry, you should have said something.

Now you are 12 and growing like mad, in y8/9 how about you make your own packed lunches before bed, that way you can pack as much as you think you are going to eat. I'd hate to think you're going hungry.
Obv. DONT buy anything different, but she can make herself more sandwiches or snacks. You could but something extra for Tueadays for post netball, of her choosing.

That way she takes responsibility for making herself a more filling lunch. She'12 , not 8. She's quite capable. If you are looking for a good time to chat with her, whilst you are in the kitchen and she's doing her packed lunch could be a good, short bit of quality time with a teen, time limited, short and sweet.

My kids did their own breakfasts and packed lunches from being in year 4 at primary school. They made what they liked from a healthy selection and I stopped wasting food they didnt eat. It was a game changer in our house.
Yes they were messy at first, but did do a pretty good job otherwise !

Your lunch sounds delicious but I agree with PPs that she might find it a bit babyish and not be eating all of it. If she doesn’t eat it, it isn’t nutritious…

You also sound like a caring step mum but… she isn’t your child. It’s not up to you to decide that you won’t send her in with a sugary drink.

I also think you are being a bit illogical about the smoothie. You are happy to send crisps and snacks but not a smoothie? You could at least make her a smoothie, if you object so strongly to a premade one. You give her fruit and Greek yoghurt. Turn them into a smoothie… As you say, she may well just buy her own drink at the shop if you send her with water, and it may well be fizzy pop or something far less healthy than a smoothie.

Is it just the one wrap, or two, she's being given?
My primary school kids lunches are similar, but would need two wraps.
I'd be shocked if peanut butter was allowed, as most schools are nut free.

Can’t eat a sandwich without a packet of crisps, on the side or inside. Them the rules.

is she eating everything?
have you asked what she wants?
she needs a post school, possibly post afterschool snacks in addition.

Surely it’s ok and normal to get home really hungry after a long day??

Depends on the size of the wrap surely and the amount of filling. No not all schools are nut free.

DH is very against the sugary drinks too and he's her Dad so it is up to him.

For a bit of info we are both dentists if this gives a bit of context to how we feel about them. I could tell you some horror stories of kids teeth because of sugary drinks. I don't even think they should be allowed in schools but that's another discussion.

Everyone is different, my 7 year old couldn't eat half of that and I would not let him. Being skinny does not mean healthy.

I dont think this is bigger enough as a lunch for an active secondary age child. My two grandsons 7 and 6 (super healthy little beans) eat more than that in their lunch which is also home made and healthy (although we do include a chocolate biscuit for a treat) and their 14 year old brother 100% would need much more 😱 their games and PE lessons are much longer than at primary, school, sites at secondaries are usually huge and involve a lot more walking between classes, and they are in a growth spurt/hormone surge period to boot, plus most will be walking, cycling home after wards not including any extra curiculars they do which even if not sport will elongate their days.

@inappropriateraspberry

how big must your supermarket bill be??! 😳

I don’t think most secondary schools are nut free? My local one isn’t and OPs said her dsd’s isnt.

How about unsweetened drinking kefir instead of Greek yoghurt then? If she is just going to buy a sugary drink anyway 🤷‍♀️

I don't know she is going through buy a sugary drink but of course that's her choice as she gets older and more independent. This is why I feel particularly strongly about modelling good food choices at home in the hope that as they get older they have that in their mind when making their own decisions.

I feel like this a weird thing to have to defend.

@Lunchwoes I think tbh, that your lunch is great, I also know as a 12 year old back in the 70's on free school lunches, id sell my dinner token , buy 10 fags and go to the chippy or buy a packet of biscuits - Ive survived - my teeth haven't

Which is why I was so hard on Step daughter - learn by my mistakes.......

Funnily I was in with my dentist this week, and he was saying how he wished his 15yo would learn from his. I replied but did you?

Some battles aren't worth the fight. Make the pasta and chicken and salad - from home so you know what's going in, and make the smoothie - add the kale if you have too . And add a straw so the sugar goes straight down

BTW, I had the mum ring me and demand that I stopped giving her child vegetables as she didn't like them

Said child has since become and adult and is facing the same battles with her kids, she herself now eats a huge varied diet - including veg

How would you know that most schools are nut free. OP has already clarified this and loads of people on this thread have also said that nuts are allowed.
With over 30,000 schools in the UK you really can't say that most will be nut free.

That's good advice, thank you I appreciate it.

@LuckySantangelo35huh? Do you expect me to be spending a lot or a little? It’s about £80 a week for a family of 4 & 2 cats! Pretty low compared to most I reckon.

Just give her a bit more in the packed lunch - I wouldn’t let my child have a meal deal every day, even if they were choosing water as the drink. My boys (11 & 13) take: 2 sandwiches (ham / cheese usually), a cereal bar, a couple of rice cakes, a small chocolate biscuit (like a penguin type biscuit), 2 portions of fruit and veg, and either a homemade cake or a piece of homemade flapjack or similar. The eldest also has tea and toast provided by school between 2:45pm lessons finishing and 3:15pm sports starting 3 days a week. The other 2 days I collect him at 2:45 and he has a snack when he comes home, along with his younger brother (still at primary). If the younger one has sports after school I pack him a banana and a yoghurt pouch as his school don’t provide anything, whereas the 13 year old can have as many rounds of toast as he can shovel in (and being all boys at his school, they eat a lot!). Sometimes the cook makes them cake as well, but not often.

I often say to my children though that they won’t die of starvation if they are a bit hungry, it’s ok (and a good thing really) to feel hungry for a while before a meal. They eat big hearty meals and can have things like porridge, cheese and crackers or toast after supper if they are still hungry.