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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be angry that my DM rents???

139 replies

Ohioatdawn · 01/04/2025 14:07

I'm so angry.
My DM, at 76 years old, rents her house.
She does not own her home.
This means I will never inherit anything.
Which in turn means my DC will never inherit from grandparents.
I'm so, so angry about this.
Why is life so unfair.
Why am I surrounded by people who have inherited their elderly parents houses, and by doing so have acquired mass fortunes due to what houses are selling for nowadays.
Why am I surrounded by people who are putting their inheritance into savings to give to their own DC when they grow up.
I'm so angry.
Why is life so unjust.
Why are some people so lucky and other people so unlucky.
Why are some people just handed hundreds of thousands of pounds through inheritance.
Meanwhile I'm working arse off full time. DH is working his arse off full time. We live in a tiny house cos it's all we could afford. Got no parental help with buying it. It's a state, needs loads doing to it but we can't afford to do it. Mortgage repayments are a fortune. And life is hard financially. Really hard. We're drowning. And never are we going to receive any help financially whatsoever. Never.
Why are some born into luck and others born into struggle?

OP posts:

TimeForATerf · 02/04/2025 10:12

Really grabby OP. My grandparents lived in poverty and rented all their lives, when they got an OAP council bungalow in the 1980s they thought all their dreams had come true, I am not lying when I say the inside bathroom and hot and cold running water was beyond their wildest expectations.

My parents saved and saved and saved and dad was a great tradesman, they bought a doer upper and lived all their lives in a three bed semi. Dad went into care before passing away. I may or may not inherit something depending upon care for mum. If there's anything left it would be shared three ways.

If I do I would be the first generation in my family to do so.

Your children will likely be the first generation to do so, they are just one generation to receive an inheritance behind mine.

Anyotherdude · 02/04/2025 10:22

Comparison is the thief of joy, OP.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 02/04/2025 10:27

MaggieBsBoat · 01/04/2025 14:28

So basically you’re pissed at your mother that she never bought/was able to buy a house when she was younger. That’s on her. No one else. Some people prioritised this in the 80s when she perhaps should have (given her age). She didn’t. And if she didn’t have the career to earn enough money then that is also on her and her family. At a certain point we have to take responsibility for our life choices.
Your kids will inherit from you.
Well done.
your post sounds very odd.
Some people are lucky. But it doesn’t sound like your mother was unlucky. Without evidence to the contrary she is in rented accommodation through choice. Take it up with her. Sour grapes of this level are nuts (raisins?).

I always say this, but I'll say it again - it is not possible for everyone to have a high paying job, and that is not the fault of people in low paying jobs.

Benmac · 02/04/2025 10:50

You could stop whining and give thanks that; you have a living parent. You have a husband. You are both healthy enough to work. You have children. You have a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, fuel to cook the food you can afford to buy. Fresh drinking water on tap. No civil war decimating your country and making it unsafe to live there. You live.

socks1107 · 02/04/2025 14:15

I don’t look at my parents as my route to money via inheritance. In fact should they need it every penny can be spent on the best care, just as my grandmother is doing. It’s never guaranteed nor my money to plan for and I’d never be so entitled.

Staceysmum2025 · 02/04/2025 14:19

Take out life insurance on your mother and get some for yourself.

YankSplaining · 02/04/2025 14:21

Did you ever read the poem “Richard Cory” by Edwin Arlington Robinson? Richard Cory is a good-looking rich man who is the envy of everyone in town. The poem ends,

So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.

Everyone has their problems, even rich people, and you will never know what most of those problems are.

Mearse · 02/04/2025 14:24

My dad worked his fingers to the bone to pay off his mortgage. His house was worth 250k.

Then he got dementia, so bad that I couldn’t look after him and his house had to be sold and everything went on care fees, and constant replacement hearing aids when the home lost them.

So I inherited nothing. It’s not a given. Life isn’t fair.

XenoBitch · 02/04/2025 14:25

This has to be a joke?
I will never inherit anything. My parents are in a council house. But they are happy and housed and that is all that matters.
You sound grabby and entitled. You can change things yourself so your DC inherit from you.

thepariscrimefiles · 02/04/2025 14:26

MuckSavage · 01/04/2025 18:45

I hope your Mum has loads of cash stashed and she leaves it to a donkey sanctuary.

OP has said that she and her sibling had an abusive childhood so I hope her mum dies penniless and alone.

nutbrownhare15 · 02/04/2025 14:30

I'm sorry that life is so tough right now. It must feel very unfair. What I've noticed is that people tend to compare themselves to people who are better off than them, me included. I've found it can be more helpful to compare yourselves to people less fortunate and to focus on what you have. In your case, having a family, jobs and owning a property are things that many would aspire towards.

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 02/04/2025 14:52

DH and I are in our 50s and 60s. We've never inherited a penny. My Mum is still alive, as are DHs parents. There's quite a high chance they will all still be alive in 10 years time, or that any potential inheritance is eaten up in care home fees.

You sound incredibly grabby OP.

Paganpentacle · 02/04/2025 15:02

I've never inherited anything either... (I mean I will when my parents die but hopefully that's not for a long time yet).... I didnt sit on my arse and wait for it.
I worked hard. Really hard.
My kids will benefit from me... and they'll likely benefit from my parents too, as I dont need it.

You sound bitter and jealous

Tricho · 02/04/2025 21:23

Ohioatdawn · 01/04/2025 15:21

I'm sorry for your experience.
Truly I am.
But I was abused in my childhood too. I lived every day with fear and sadness. My only sibling is a wreck with such bad mental health problems/PTSD from our childhood that he's in therapy and dealing with life crippling depression/anxiety.
I've been left with no memory of any secure, happy childhood because I didn't have one.
If I was set to inherit financially, at least it would remove the layer of stress and worry about financial struggles, which would reduce my overall layers of ongoing lifelong stress.

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Do you own your own house?

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