To be angry that my DM rents???

[Ohioatdawn]

I'm so angry.
My DM, at 76 years old, rents her house.
She does not own her home.
This means I will never inherit anything.
Which in turn means my DC will never inherit from grandparents.
I'm so, so angry about this.
Why is life so unfair.
Why am I surrounded by people who have inherited their elderly parents houses, and by doing so have acquired mass fortunes due to what houses are selling for nowadays.
Why am I surrounded by people who are putting their inheritance into savings to give to their own DC when they grow up.
I'm so angry.
Why is life so unjust.
Why are some people so lucky and other people so unlucky.
Why are some people just handed hundreds of thousands of pounds through inheritance.
Meanwhile I'm working arse off full time. DH is working his arse off full time. We live in a tiny house cos it's all we could afford. Got no parental help with buying it. It's a state, needs loads doing to it but we can't afford to do it. Mortgage repayments are a fortune. And life is hard financially. Really hard. We're drowning. And never are we going to receive any help financially whatsoever. Never.
Why are some born into luck and others born into struggle?

I’ve always known I won’t inherit. DH was so poor as a child he was malnourished but filled up on cheap carbohydrates and was grateful for it.

The world is full of joy and suffering.

We all end up dead. Make the most of what you have achieved.

Don’t set your children up with the mindset that comparing themselves to others will ever bring them happiness.

We could all end up in World War 3 shortly. Many souls have lost their lives in the recent earthquakes. People trafficking and slavery is rife. This is the reality of the world we live in. Your bubble is a cushy one compared to many.

What are your jobs? Have you seen the world and travelled? Have you come into contact with others far less fortunate than yourself in your professional or personal life?

Cannot believe how self-centred you are. I recently lost my dad. I would give anything to have him back and don't feel entitled to anything. You have a terrible attitude.

At least you have your health, @OP !

Honestly, were you looking for sympathy? I have one dead parent, one terminally ill one, a dying best friend and fertility problems. According to you, I have all the luck. My husband had major childhood trauma, the kind of thing you read about in the newspaper and wonder how a person copes, but according to you he’s lucky and privileged. I’d give all the money I have in the world to save my friend, but it doesn’t work like that because LIFE ISN’T FAIR.

I won’t inherit anything and it never once occurred to me to whine about it lol DH likely will inherit a fairly small amount of £25K assuming his Ddad doesn’t need a care home.

I grew up really poor so always saw it as my responsibility to get on and make financial stability for myself and my family.
get up off your arse and work harder! There will always be someone who has it easier than you and someone who has it harder 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why are you not putting as much effort into finding ways to sort our your own problems instead of harping on about how you'll never receive inheritance from your mum.

Do you own your own house?

Did your parents never tell you live isn't fair? You want your mom to own so you get money when she is gone. That is some terrible thinking.

My parents recently died within a year of each other. I’ve inherited a house valued at over £1 million. Before you get all green with envy you can read my thread about my abusive father and the childhood I had.

I know you will never believe that I’d rather having loving parents who rented instead of the ones I had who owned a home and conspired to ensure me and siblings went through hell growing up. But it’s true. One sibling is dead, one an alcoholic and one has severe MH issues and this is all due to awful parenting. The impact of our childhoods will last a lifetime and no amount of money can compensate for it.

If you think the most important thing you can inherit from your parents is money you are deluded. The most important thing they can leave behind is the memory of a happy, secure childhood.

I'm just angry.
I'm sorry.
I'm bitter, and I admit it.
Life just feels so, so hard.
We work hard, long hours, to pay for everything, but life is so, so expensive.
I'm so tired.
My childhood was hard.
My adulthood is hard.
We're broken, financially.
I'm laying awake trying to work out how I can work even more hours to bring in more money when I'm already drained.
Meanwhile I've just been texted by a friend to tell me his grandma left him £700,000 and he's deciding which house to buy with it.
And I feel angry that I wasn't born into this financial luck.
Money makes life so much easier.

I will have zero inheritance. I can’t say it’s ever bothered me. Life is so unfair in many ways- there are far more unfair things than no inheritance. I’m also pretty proud that I have never depended on anyone.

You are going to mess your kids up if you can’t get past this anger and jealousy.

Oh grow up. Who told you life was fair? Make your own way.

I'm sorry for your experience.
Truly I am.
But I was abused in my childhood too. I lived every day with fear and sadness. My only sibling is a wreck with such bad mental health problems/PTSD from our childhood that he's in therapy and dealing with life crippling depression/anxiety.
I've been left with no memory of any secure, happy childhood because I didn't have one.
If I was set to inherit financially, at least it would remove the layer of stress and worry about financial struggles, which would reduce my overall layers of ongoing lifelong stress.

I will never inherit anything at all, not even a nice vase or a bit of jewellery, let alone a house. I literally have no family other than my son who is disabled and I live in a rented council flat. When I die my son will be penniless and entirely on his own. God knows what will happen to him. The worry of it makes me ill, although I can't share that with him obviously. I never in my worst nightmares thought my life would turn out this way. OP, assuming you and your children are healthy, please be thankful for that.

Some are being hard on OP here. She just had a rant. Ofcourse it's not fair that some get handed millions on a plate while having done nothing to deserve it. If it will make you feel better OP I got 50 k after my mum but after my dad I will only gets empty beer cans. He even jokes about it: "when I'm gone you can fight with your siblings for the empty beer cans". He's not drinking much so even that we won't really have to fight over 😄

Not if it has to be sold to fund care.

My parents own a house but they both have some illnesses which will most likely mean they end up in a care home and the house will pay for that. I do not feel any resentment towards them for this.

I hope with your attitude you don’t have any kids. Why would you bother with nothing to pass onto them?

For now, I dunno, work harder?

My DC inherited the house of their deceased father. Both were minors when he suddenly passed away, one is still a minor atm. They much rather have him back instead of ‘enjoying’ the inheritance. They would say life is unfair because of their (early) loss.

You have to focus your energy on sorting out your finances. Can you downsize? Move house? Change your job? Take on a lodger? Re-train?

My mum’s care home is £1900 per week. She has been there since July 2023 and is in great physical condition but has dementia. She could go on for years. Who knows if there will be anything left. I don’t care. I stand on my own 2 feet.

Your friend is pretty tactless if he knows about your difficult financial situation.
This article talks about the divide between people who will inherit from their parents and those who won't:

https://www.theguardian.com/money/2022/dec/03/why-inheritance-is-the-dirty-secret-of-the-middle-classes-harder-to-talk-about-than-sex

These people are the ones who are given house deposits to get on the housing ladder and financial help throughout their lives.

@arcticpandas

"If it will make you feel better OP I got 50 k after my mum but after my dad I will only gets empty beer cans. "

I don't see how you inheriting £50,000 is going to make the OP feel better! Sorry if I've misunderstood your post.

You will always be miserable if you compare ‘upwards’. Life is a lot easier to deal with if you focus on how lucky you are. My Gran rented all her life and my aunt inherited nothing much, but my Gran counted herself lucky because she had a nice home she could afford. I felt very sorry for myself after my first mc - until I heard about a young woman who had had a still born at term. I told myself never to feel sorry for myself because of a mc when I already had a child.

Focus on what you have got, not what you haven’t. And remember that many who are ‘counting’ on inheriting property will get a nasty shock when the local authority takes almost all of it.

I get it OP. We all know life isn’t fair but sometimes it slaps you across the face with a wet fish and it damn well hurts! Your friend with the £700,000 inheritance is remarkably insensitive unless you’re giving off the impression of rolling in it.

The thing with bitterness though is that it only hurts you and those you care about. It damages relationships and friends slowly distance themselves as you become more difficult and negative to be around. Bitterness sucks the joy out of life.

There’s no quick fix to this. Struggling financially for a long time is horrible, relentless and draining. Lots of people have been poor at some point in their lives but unless you’ve lived it long term people don’t really understand how it leaves scars. I’m sure you’ve already thought about working additional hours, retraining, etc. if you’ve already exhausted those options, it’s just a case of trying to hang on in there. Eventually the kids cost less, the mortgage reduces or gets paid off, things look rosier.

In the meantime, there are little things you can do to try to fight the bitterness which sound corny as hell but honestly they help. Going for a walk every day. Sitting in a park and listening to the birds. Taking enjoyment from the little things, like a perfect cup of tea. Starting and finishing each day by counting the things you are grateful for.

You’re not going to magically receive an inheritance but I hope you feel better soon.

My mother owns a large and expensive home. Which she is planning to leave to her husband, with whom I have no relationship. He'll probably leave it the the native plant society he's involved with, to sell to raise funds.

And that's FINE. It's hers, and she can do what she wants with it.