To be angry that my DM rents???

[Ohioatdawn]

I'm so angry.
My DM, at 76 years old, rents her house.
She does not own her home.
This means I will never inherit anything.
Which in turn means my DC will never inherit from grandparents.
I'm so, so angry about this.
Why is life so unfair.
Why am I surrounded by people who have inherited their elderly parents houses, and by doing so have acquired mass fortunes due to what houses are selling for nowadays.
Why am I surrounded by people who are putting their inheritance into savings to give to their own DC when they grow up.
I'm so angry.
Why is life so unjust.
Why are some people so lucky and other people so unlucky.
Why are some people just handed hundreds of thousands of pounds through inheritance.
Meanwhile I'm working arse off full time. DH is working his arse off full time. We live in a tiny house cos it's all we could afford. Got no parental help with buying it. It's a state, needs loads doing to it but we can't afford to do it. Mortgage repayments are a fortune. And life is hard financially. Really hard. We're drowning. And never are we going to receive any help financially whatsoever. Never.
Why are some born into luck and others born into struggle?

Life isn’t fair, and your first mistake is expecting it to be. Judgement as to who deserves what is irrelevant - ‘deserve’ doesn’t come into it any more than fairness does. There’s no answer to the question of ‘why?’ that you’ll find satisfactory, simply because there’s no answer to that question. It is what it is.

If you want to improve your circumstances then look at what is within your ability to control and change, rather than obsessing and becoming increasingly bitter over that which you can’t.

Probably not, it will likely go on care home fees as my Dad has early stage dementia. And that's fine, he has worked hard all his life, worked his way up from nothing, inherited nothing, and did very well for himself, so hopefully his million pound house will pay for the very best care for him.

I feel the same. My mum had a housing association house and could have bought it at a discounted price but didn't so I inherited nothing but her tatt when she died.

My mum felt the same, my Grandma lived in her council house for about 60 years, and had various opportunities to buy at as little as 20k - my mum and her siblings offered to each give her 5k to buy it. But she was determined "when I die I want this house to go to a family who really need it, just like we were given it when you all were young, council housing is for public benefit not private profit". To be fair, my mum wanted her to have it for security rather than so she could inherit it, and even if she had bought it, it would have likely all gone on my grandma's care home fees, so there wouldn't have been much to inherit anyway.

It might reduce financial stress but you wouldn’t be any happier for it. You are fixating on (the lack of) an inheritance as if it is some kind of magic pill that will solve a significant part of your problems when in fact it will deal with one thing but leave other problems unresolved.

The issue isn’t the inheritance. The issue is you are unhappy with your life and you jealous and angry at other people who you think are more fortunate than you (even though you have no idea what else is going on in their lives).

This is totally understandable but my experience is that people who are angry because they don’t have X (more money, a successful partner, a good job, whatever) get the thing they are hankering after and still feel miserable because the underlying problem causing the unhappiness in the first place is still there.

Exactly this. I’m from such a country where people would trade with you in a heartbeat.

why haven’t you turned it around for your own kids? I’m sorry you had a bad childhood but so did many. It is really only your responsibility to make sure your kids are ok, not anyone else’s.

So you're angry that your 76 year old mum doesn't own her house so you won't get an inheritance rather than your 76 year old mum rents her house and will probably struggle to pay for food,heating, rent and other basic utilities on her probably pittance of a pension? Jesus christ, I'm glad you aren't my child.

Ah op I get it- I’m in the same position and it’s hard not to let it get to you. I too had a very neglectful childhood and a difficult time mothering as have a disable ds.
its hard not to feel that life is unfair. My advice it to acknowledge the feeling and move it on unpacking there. It’s not helpful or healthy
I hope life gets easier for you

Inheritance is a gift, not a right. Make your own way. 🤷‍♀️

You sound like an entitled brat. I won’t receive a penny in inheritance. I’m a single parent and my kids won’t receive anything from their father (owns 3 houses but won’t leave them a penny). I can’t afford to buy so I rent so my kids won’t get a cash handout either. So we do what most other people do. We budget and we work and hopefully maybe the next generation will have it a little easier. Count your blessings not your curses.

I hope your Mum has loads of cash stashed and she leaves it to a donkey sanctuary.

Really tonedeaf! I was going to talk about my dad. I felt dishonest not disclosing facts about my mum who died a long time so I wrote that down as well. My point with the post was that I understand how OP can find it unfair that some are given huge sums of money while others have nothing.

Are you for real? I've told my parents that it's their money and if they want to blow it on an around the world trip then I hope that they have fun. I'd sooner be left with some happy memories than a sack of cash.

YABU - you’re only annoyed because you won’t get anything. No concern for the fact that your mother is renting which puts her in a much more precarious financial position. You own your house, so you have an asset. Yes things are hard and it feels unfair when you do everything “right” and struggle but a dose of perspective needed.

I get what you’re saying OP. Some things are luck of the draw like @Comedycook is suggesting but you’re talking about entrenched inherited wealth which the government do have the option of upping IHT/otherwise redistributing as otherwise the cards are stacked against those not in the position to inherit and it’s a long slog to accrue assets if you don’t have a financial head start. Sounds as if you’re making in-roads and good that you’re wanting to help your kids out.

I understand being angry at the general unfairness of the system. It is luck of the draw but I get it. We live in an area where a lot of families are quite savvy and make large financial gifts to their children early part in lieu of inheritance.

This enables them to buy rather large houses to live in in their 30s and 40s. They often then will inherit part of a £800,000-£1.5 million house on top of that. these houses were bought for a fraction of that cost in the 70s/80s/90s.

By comparison we've had some financial bad luck recently so it stings a bit. I'm actually realising as well that we aren't better off having bought our home as we are living in a house which is too small for us with a disabled child, I've had to give up work and so we have no way of upgrading despite desperately needing an additional bedroom. That's a bitter pill to swallow!

After reading your update, I apologise for my comments. Way too harsh. I am sorry you had an abusive childhood and it clearly has had an impact on ypur state of mind. Hope things get better for you.

Welcome to real life.

There will always be someone richer and someone poorer.

Be grateful for what you do have, which is more than I and many others have had at points in there life.

I was homeless for a short time and I didn't resent people who had homes. Being bitter about what you don't have will only make you miserable. Focus on what you can do to improve your situation and enjoy your life, otherwise you'll waste it.

I don’t know anyone nowadays who has received a huge inheritance. It all goes on care now.

"We live in a tiny house cos it's all we could afford. Got no parental help with buying it. "

I expect your Mother would have liked to buy her own home, had parental help - but you think she should prioritise buying you a home with money she clearly doesn't have?

Some people are weird.

Life is not a game of hockey. There are no rules about fairness and no umpire. Most of us just do the best we can.

@Ohioatdawn Ok, you win the prize for the most selfish-self pitying post on MN so far.
Unless it's you Hazza, and you're looking for material for your next book...
I'm not 5'7", so bloody 'unfair'.

God almighty, OP. I won’t inherit a penny from my parents as they have never owned a home and don’t have any significant assets and guess what? I couldn’t give a shit. The last thing I’m worried about when they die is money, I’m more concerned about the crippling grief that I’m in for.

I think you will do well to start putting things into perspective and learning to find gratitude elsewhere because you cannot control your lack of inheritance and being annoyed about it won’t change it.

Well I could say you’re lucky you got to have children AND own a house even though it’s hard financially right now.

I got an inheritance after both my parents died when I was in my early 30s. (Not millions by the way. Not even close) I have since spent 10s of thousands of it on IVF. None of which worked. So I have nothing to show for it and I’m now too old to have children. So the inheritance is pretty much gone.

However some people will be infertile and never be able to afford any IVF. At least it meant I got to try.

Others are terrible parents who abuse their children and yet can have loads of kids without even trying.

Others have children easily AND get millions in inheritance.

I also made a career choice (medical) meaning my pay will never be that good. My friend went into a low level business job and is now earning over 150k a year. I could say that’s not fair when my job is actually really stressful helping people medically and she works from home having meetings all day. She’s also had 2 children easily and still has her parents who are healthy and she’s in her late 40s. Plus she’ll likely inherit their large house. But, that’s life. Some things seem unfair. But life is unfair. I don’t begrudge her what she’s got even though I wish i was her.

It is spectacularly unfair. The whole system is rigged to ensure that those who are born into privilege retain that privilege, at the cost of everyone else. The most extreme example being landed gentry, but it applies across a huge range of financial situations. My husband and I have been gifted over £100k in total through a mixture of inheritance and other family gifts. Nothing recent, so that amount was worth a lot more when we got it than it would be now. It’s a massive advantage, as is the fact that we both spent time in private schools. I do at least try to be aware of my privilege and am generous where I can.