Parent Pay Details

[Kingof93]

Just would like some input on this.

Im being asked to send money to my sons bank account to then go into his parent pay to cover meals and school trips. I have no issue in doing this as I do earn more than his mother. I have asked to be given the details for parent pay so I can send the money directly as I also do not have access to his bank account so I have no proof that the money is actually being used for school meals and trips etc.

To give context I first asked for bank access when the acct was set up (9 years now) and to parent pay when he started at the school. My ex partner has always refused me access to both. I have until now not pushed back on this and now im doing so she is emailing me the same email about paying repeatedly.

I am more than happy to pay it I just want to see where the money goes.

As far as I know there can only be one set of bank details on a Parent pay account. But you can set up another account for the same child. You can Google how to do this.
For our school it’s more than just school meals and trips, it’s to pay for event days, books etc so two accounts seems the sensible solution. School might have to confirm your account.

Just pay the money to your child’s mother and she will pay parent pay. You are clearly being difficult. Gosh getting some dads to pay is like getting blood from a stone

YOu should be able to set up a parentpay account yourself. If necessary, contact the school and ask them.

However, if you think that paying for his meals and school trips is fair, then does it matter how you pay? The point is that he is still having meals (one assumes) and school trips (also, one assumes). So who cares if you are paying your ex. Do you think she's taking your money and then starving your DS by not letting him eat at school!?

Also, re school trips in particular - it's very easy to see when those are and how much they cost... if you are added to the school's email list. Which, again, you can do. Which would mean you would receive the notification re the theatre trip next month or the DoE trip next year.

Im in no way being difficult. I would just like to know that its not vanishing. I suspect its all been paid already and im being asked for money without reason.

I happily pay for the house and all of the bills and yet suddenly im being asked for more.

Ive had no access to any accounts at any point and until now there has been no requests for more money. I know for a fact that when my parents have sent money to my son its been denied by the mother.

@Doolallies My friend's parents were divorced in the 90s. Her Mum would say she needs a new school coat, her Dad would transfer the money to the Mum and she never got a coat. Repeat for lots of other "items" she needed. At 14 her Dad started buying her things directly as well as paying the usual child maintenance. Not all parents are trustworthy.

@Kingof93 Contact the school re setting up another parent pay account for your child and ask for their guidance. That is what I would do. If you are not already on the email list get put on that too so you are informed as to what is going on in school.

I dont think she is starving them at all. But I know that she has had bills for her car recently and has just come back from a holiday and suddenly im asked for more.

I dont ever question giving it. I always say yes you can have it but can I see some proof this isnt just topping up your income.

Just because she may have paid it already doesn't mean you shouldn't contribute towards these costs.

You can't "have access" to a bank account that isn't yours and where the person responsible for it doesn't want to be a joint account holder with you.

What does " I know for a fact that when my parents have sent money to my son its been denied by the mother." mean? Do you mean she's not passed the money on to your son's bank account, or that she has refused to accept it?

You can't have access to her parent pay account, as it would give you access to her personal information - phone numbers, emails, bank account, payment card details. And as it's possible for an account holder to request a refund of any monies that are paid into an account, fall foul of money laundering legislation. So that's not going happen and if the school find out, they'd immediately need to freeze the account until it's secure again.

You could if you're the #2 contact on the school's MIS and have parental responsibility, ask the school finance department to set up a second payer account.

My ex and I can both access the parent pay account and can both add money. Just contact the school and ask for an additional log in.

It is "topping up" her income, because of your shared child. She does not have to provide itemised accounts to you to justify what you give her.

If you disagree with what she's asking for, then go via the CMS and get it arranged formally.

Exactly this. I would just like some clarity on why all of a sudden im asked to do this.

I have previously offered without any issue to pay 50% of everything. I was told no I can pay for it all.

My parents send all the grand children an equal amount of money each month. When Ive asked did the money from my parents come i was told no they get nothing from your parents.

Thank you this explains a great deal. SO I cant access the parent pay but I know you can give joint access to a childs savings account. I dont have that.

Im not asking for itemised accounts. Just to know that this isn't helping her when for a year and more I offered and was told no.

You absolutely can. We do it. I am not sure if it’s the same but it shows the same re the kids and the balance when he adds dinner money etc is shown to me as the kids balance. So you absolutely can have access to this info and pay direct.

Thank you. I guess im calling the school.

Do. I can’t see his saved cards or anything so it’s not like we share one account like a previous poster has said, but they are linked somehow so it’s shows all the kids things and we can both pay direct for stuff.

I share a parent pay account with my ex. We've each got our own bank cards on there so that he can pay for breakfast club (which only he uses) and I tend to pay for everything else because I'm more organised and like to settle the payment requests when they come in. He can't see anything confidential as there's nothing else stored on there, it doesn't show my bank account details, and he already has my address and email address so there's nothing to hide. Obviously this wouldn't work for exes who have issues.
If you can't get access to the parent pay account, or your son's bank account, you can set up a separate savings account in your son's name and you and his grandparents can pay into there, @Kingof93

Yes, so perhaps she thinks that actually, she's out of money because she's been paying for all the school meals and all the school trips and has realised that actually, it would be good if YOU paid some of those, which is only fair. and then she will have more money, yes, that she can use to fix her car.

A more helpful solution would be for you and her to agree what costs there are for the children over th eyear (or do it by term or by month - whatever works), and how you will split that, and then you simply pay your half directly to her. Assuming she is the one doing all the admin of ensuring the parentpay account is topped up or the children get to go to their activities.

Or are you only willing to pay for school meals and school trips under certain conditions?

this mindset from men really really winds me up. You pay your share. Yes, that reduces the burden on HER and yes, gasp, maybe that means she has a little spare cash to go to the pub or get her hair done. But that's not becuase you are subsidising her. It's because she's no longer paying ALL the bills for the children and therefore actually has some money for herself.

I would need copies of birth certs to set up savings accts and Im not permitted to have those. I have asked as has my mother. But its been refused.

You know you can just apply for a copy yourself?

Sorry OP, but I'm getting major "I'm the victim becuase my ex won't do whatever I want whenever I want even though I could actually step up and do it myself" vibes from you.

As I mentioned in other posts ive been more than happy to pay when im asked. My issue is that it comes randomly and I dont have certain access that I should have. I offered to split everything 5050 with her as at the time it would have left us in a greater financial situation. We would have had a surplus.

Initially she agreed and a joint acct was set up and I paid all my earnings from two jobs into this account and she used it to pay for all she needed by she did not pay anything in.

Thats not 5050. I even broke down all the spending and showed that IF a true 5050 split was in place we would have had the money for a holiday she wanted. But she refused to contribute whilst spending my income.

I have no gripe with anything she does for herself or them. Its always with their best interests. But I would simply like the access im allowed. I dont have that.

You can get a copy of your own child's birth certificate yourself, you apply online for a small fee. You don't need the mother's permission.

I understand your thoughts but why when im one parent should I be forced to pay for additional copes of a birth cert?

If you co parent there shouldnt be odd barriers set up by the mother when im not doing the same.