To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

[SpaceMoo]

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

Totaly weird !
Is he away to see her again ?
@SpaceMoo Op I think is something else going on with your dh .

I'm glad you didn't remortgage.
I also would not advise putting your house in a trust for your kids. If you need to divorce him then that would be insanely complicated. Did you hear her say that, or did he tell you she said that? I went through your posts (just because I now think your dh might not be being stupid actually) and it isn't super clear whether or not you have heard her say things, in person, or if it's your dh reporting what she's advised him.

I’ve actually heard her say it about a year ago last dinner we had before she borrowed the money. I’m a bit vague on the timing now. Something about Kier Starmer, inheritance tax etc.

OK. But you take care of yourself. I think in your position I wouldn't do anything that tied me further financially to him. It's just a hunch, but there is definitely something quite strange here. If I am wrong then that's great. You've got your money back and can move on from it all. But do take care.

He has talked about it with me a lot since then. Probably every time he sees her. She needs to protect our assets by taking it off our hands?

It might be okay advice, about Trusts, I’m not sure. But I do know now that I do not trust her, or DH with money.

You can always employ your own financial adviser who is nothing to do with her. A second opinion. She is completely unprofessional - she needs reporting if it's true that she took £40k off you with no paperwork. There are other people out there who can advise YOU and not your DH, especially about protecting YOUR assets (not his).

Please ensure you speak to another financial advisor, ideally chartered, before making any decisions. Your kids are young, inheritance tax isn’t top of the priorities at the moment. I ran the scenario by my husband, who is a chartered financial advisor, and he thought it was very odd advice, although without specifics, couldn’t say for sure.

I’m not being picky OP but earlier in your thread you said after the friends apologised to you for not being able to help you and your dh with refurbishments ‘they’ spoke to your husband alone to ask him for the £40k. So her dh did know about it all this time? They sound like such a shady couple. Why on earth would you care about the friendship ending. It could never be the same again anyway.

I think he knew about it but wasn’t happy about it (sounds like she is in charge) and maybe he is fed up of people asking for money back because she did all this and he has had enough? It also totally seems like they absolutely had the money to pay it back but wanted to keep it as long as possible (better for them to earn the interest than pay it to someone else) and maybe he wasn’t fully on board?
If he was angry in front of OP’s husband then he must have had some sort of problem with the way she was behaving.

She needs to protect our assets by taking it off our hands

Never give her a penny ever again! I would bet she's involved in some sort of money ponzi scheme, borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. There's something very fishy!

I am so glad you got your money back.

Next step = divorce.

sorry op, your husband sounds very stupid, very naive, financially immature, gullible… (you are welcome to show him this because he needs to wake the fuck up). He has been taken for a ride and he fell into it face first AND still doesn’t realise how badly he’s been played (wtf is he talking about which present to get her? He needs to run away from her as hard as he can and NEVER see her again). Honestly, either he’s really stupid or he’s besotted with her. Is he in love with her? Maybe secretly? Or did they have an affair?
Did I really read it correctly that the woman’s husband was also mad at her for raising capital for the son? So the husband didn’t know about the £40k???? And YOUR husband still doesn’t think he has been conned and is listening to “financial advice” from her????

please op, tell everyone you know what happened. Not in a menacing way, but just matter of fact. Just to help the penny drop in your (hopefully soon to be ex) husband’s brain how utterly stupid he was and to teach him to NEVER spend another penny on anything else outside the family without your permission. And he needs to shut up talking money with other people. If he’s that gullible he needs to zip his mouth because his actions around con people can’t be trusted.

OP, I really hope you will move to protect yourself from your husband.

He is a complete moron and such a level of stupidity is a real danger to you and your children.

Do not trust him.
He is a liar who would risk his own family to impress his "betters"? 🙄🤢🤮

So creepy.

Please separate your finances and tell the bank you want double signatures on everything as he is a con artists dream with the levfl of stupidity he exhibits.

You do realise he isn't normal?
Men of normal intelligence do not do this.

I hope you feel better soon and protect yourself asap.

I've never read such a story! Think of the interest you have lost! 10k in a bank account makes about £30 a month so you have lost around £120 a month to this scammer. Luckily I don't have any money to lend but it is incredible that your husband would do this!!

This is such a muddle.

1. Your DH (on his own) visited CF Woman, and spoke to her DH as well who was annoyed and they paid the money back, a sum that large, just like that, out of banking hours, so unable to call the bank?

2)Then he has to go (on his own) to see his sister who has suddenly come into the picture... to back up a lie - it's not clear from your post if he's going to lie to the sister or get her to back up a lie to the CF Woman (unclear who has/who will he lie to)
Also unclear what the CF woman and the Sister have to do with each other.
3) Some of the money, amount unspecified, actually belongs to his sister. Unclear if you are going to have to pay her out of the £40k ??? or unclear if this is part of the lie he told CF Woman.
4) the fact that you seem confused about the sudden emergence of his sister in this story.
5) You yourself haven't spoken to CF woman, or the sister. Only he has. You only have his word for all of this.
6) in all this time CF woman has been giving him financial advice. It sounds like neither of you have contacted a financial advisor, or done any research online about whether its correct or not. So you don't know what is going on with your finances. Both of you have taken CF womans word for it. You have taken your DH's word for it.

Conclusion your DH is a massive liar
To whoever he is speaking to at any given moment - to CF couple, to his sister - why not to you as well? That's why his explanations have been so ridiculous.
Why?
The implausibility of his stories about this loan
The implausibility of his stories about the CF woman.
Lending £40k to someone on a handshake with no real repayment date.
The implausibility of his agreeing that the CF woman should handle your joint assets - Is this another lie? or

Is he trying to siphon money out of your joint pot, having got you to shut up temporarily about the 40k?

You know who else lies about large sums of money? Fraudsters.

If this is real, call the sister today and ask her to confirm what she thinks is going on.

He's either shagging her, or she's got something on him or he's a nut case, maybe all three , cut the twat off and if your husband keeps insisting on the friendship cut him off as well.

I’m pleased you have your £40k back @SpaceMoo but the repayment (so sudden, your fiscally-inept husband’s shady visit and report of it) sounds as dodgy as the rest of the dealings. Well sus.

Also wtf about the bullshit visit to his sister?! With wads of cash in a briefcase or something?! Ffs. This CF really has done a number on your husband, or he’s doing one on you.

In you shoes I would promptly move my share of any money into a separate, personal account and see a financial advisor of my own and a solicitor to start proceedings to leave this loser. He has put you and your family behind this cf con artist and was apparently open to the idea of risking your own resources and potentially home.

Oh, and the party? Give that a swerve, but send her a gift… the board game Monopoly sounds like her kind of thing.

I would tell the DH that if I ever found out he'd discussed our financial situation or offered/been talked into lending her or anyone else our money while not in my company I'd be divorcing him.

No one has the right to discuss another person's finances and make a decision for them unless it's a permission given POA situation.

Regetably I think this is probably wise as you have no loan agreement. Go to the wretched party and afterwards decide what route to take. It may even hapoen that your when DH sees the money she has thrown at her party he may start to think differently. He might realize that she has never taken her obligation to to pay you back very seriously

She has the cheek of the devil to even suggest that YOU take out a loan when she owes you money.

Go to the party, dont make a drama at the party and then you cannot be blamed by your DH for being the cause of not getting the money back. THEN take action.

OK. I have read all your comments and replies and am delighted to hear you have your money back.

My only suggestion and advice to you is that you change your financial advisor. She sounds a profesional bull sh*tter. Some financial advisors get so wound up about "tax saving" schemes that their clients end up with a complicated situation that incurs more in profesional fees than the tax saving. There is a saying "keep it simple stupid" and it amplíes to financial affairs as much as any other.

It's just also ocured to me that when my CF BiL eventually paid me back he had to do it online in instalments over 4 days as his transfer limit wasn't high enough and would have been flagged with the bank.

How did she transfer £40k to you in one lump sum? 🤔

Excellent point. I wouldn’t trust the husband’s account of what’s happened with the repayment. Especially as he just handed over this money without even getting OP’s agreement, he’s not exactly covering himself in glory across this whole business.

So she could have just given it back at any time but chose not to and dragged it out for over a year? Sounds like a right dodgy character. Manages to raise the money just like that when backed into a corner but was quite happy to sit back doing nothing otherwise.

Im so relieved (& surprised) that her loan suddenly came in, funny that.🤨
If I were you I would tell your idiot husband if he ever lends any joint money again without your express knowledge & approval then your marriage is over.
& for the record I would not be going to her poxy show off party

Think this says it all 😳😁

i keep thinking about your post today as I’m baffled that she could transfer 40k in one go in the evening.
Are you sure it has been transferred? Have you seen proof?
If you’ve seen the money, are you sure SHE transferred the money? Or has your husband transferred it from another account /borrowed money from God knows where (loan shark? His sister??) to get you to shut up?
Was the money transferred or paid in cash? If cash, are you sure it actually came from her? If it did, she’s into some very dodgy business. And probably your husband too. If it didn’t come from her, then your husband is into some very dodgy business.
Why does your husband suddenly have to go to his sister????? As far as I gathered your husband lied to CF about some of the money being his sister’s, but that was a lie you wrote. So what does his sister have to do either it???
I would ring the sister to find out what exactly is going on at her end.
I would insist on going to the sister with your husband. No more secrecy, no lies.
I would get independent financial advice and ask someone to look at your joint finances, because something fishy is going on here.

There’s something really weird going on here op. Don’t trust your husband as far as you can throw him either money. It wouldn’t surprise he if he’s involved in something stupid (money scam / loan shark/ dodgy business) probably with CF.