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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

737 replies

SpaceMoo · 01/04/2025 09:44

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

OP posts:
Kyokyo · 02/04/2025 22:24

I’d be very careful about what you put in writing (specifically around “DH did this without my consent”) because it almost sounds like you didn’t know about it at the time and she could twist this into saying that DH gave it to her as a gift and then lied to you about it being a loan.

Just stick to the facts: she was lent the money and it was supposed to be paid back by now. That you can’t wait any longer and she needs to pay back in full now or start payments with a clear timeline for the rest.

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 22:29

Thank you. I’ll be careful what I write. With a cool head.

I wonder if her son did buy the house with our money, maybe they used it to refurb, or pay back someone else who’s gifted it?

OP posts:
Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 22:35

It sounds like a Ponzi scheme. If they can do this to us, and we’re not even close, who else do they owe money to? They’re probably repaying people with other people’s money.

OP posts:
LilySLE · 02/04/2025 22:43

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 22:29

Thank you. I’ll be careful what I write. With a cool head.

I wonder if her son did buy the house with our money, maybe they used it to refurb, or pay back someone else who’s gifted it?

When you buy a house the solicitor asks for proof of the source of funds, for anti-money laundering purposes. You also have to declare whether anyone else is contributing money towards the purchase price. These are standard legal forms. It is inconceivable that a solicitor would go ahead on a house purchase without your involvement, if it had been declared that £40k of the funds came from you.

Therefore it appears that she / her son has not only lied to and deceived the solicitor who acted for the son on the house purchase, but also quite possibly fabricated evidence of the source of the funds as well. This sounds very serious. Especially if she works in a regulated profession. Have you considered contacting her regulator - is it the FCA?

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 22:44

I have no intention of being friends with her afterwards.

OP posts:
Honeypad · 02/04/2025 22:51

Doesn’t add up at all. I don’t think the money was used for a house purchase, there are way too many checks these days on funds used for house purchases. I would get legal advice asap on how to proceed rather than speaking directly to her. DH has tried that and got nowhere so time to get serious

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 23:16

Stampees · 02/04/2025 22:21

I think she has a major spending problem and is in way over her head. The fact that she’s throwing lavish parties and big trips but can’t get a loan is a massive concern. My husband is a chartered IFA. We’d have zero issue getting a loan. I bet her properties are all interest-only and she’s leveraged loans and mortgages against each other.

Show quote history

This rings a bell. She advised us to get an interest only remortgage of our home. Convinced DH to apply. Until she gives us back our money.

I said NO.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/04/2025 23:37

Kyokyo · 02/04/2025 22:24

I’d be very careful about what you put in writing (specifically around “DH did this without my consent”) because it almost sounds like you didn’t know about it at the time and she could twist this into saying that DH gave it to her as a gift and then lied to you about it being a loan.

Just stick to the facts: she was lent the money and it was supposed to be paid back by now. That you can’t wait any longer and she needs to pay back in full now or start payments with a clear timeline for the rest.

This.
Please get legal advice on how to approach this. Record any discussions.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/04/2025 00:20

When you've dealt with the "loan", think about Taking your DH to a REAL financial advisor and get them to go through your financial planning to check on the decisions made on this woman's advice.

Pherian · 03/04/2025 00:31

I think you should speak to a solicitor on your own first. I might be reading this wrong, but it doesn’t sound like you were in agreement with the loan being made and I’m curious if the money came from a loan you’re paying interest on.

I would make sure you have screenshots of messages. People can delete their messages and depending on what app, they can amend them too. You want the originals before any hard feelings start to come out.

There are also tax implications for them , that’s a lot money and I wonder how they recorded that when they confirmed how they got the funds to their solicitors when buying the house. If they’ve put it down as a gift that could be an issue for them.

Your husband is an idiot and I genuinely recommend separate accounts.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/04/2025 06:23

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 22:35

It sounds like a Ponzi scheme. If they can do this to us, and we’re not even close, who else do they owe money to? They’re probably repaying people with other people’s money.

Probably. And the issue with that is that once they run out of people to mug off, the last fools who parted with their cash will never get repaid.

That's if they ever repay anyone. Maybe this is how they funded their fancy house and BTL properties in the first place.

Maybe "I'm a financial advisor" is just a front for "I'm a con artist".

Can you check whether she actually works where she claims to?

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 03/04/2025 07:22

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 14:13

I have absolutely no problem asking her for all of this in writing.

Is no one thinking that she might genuinely have a problem ‘accessing her capital through her property portfolio’ lol?

No.
She's a CF!!

Imbusytodaysorry · 03/04/2025 07:27

@SpaceMoo she has no money . Robbing Peter to pay Paul .
Id be so mad she was spending money on a party and inviting me .
Sounds like she is in way over her head .

Shelby2010 · 03/04/2025 07:27

I strongly suggest asking for a payment plan. She’s not going to stump up the full amount at this point, so better to get something back.

If the house she’s trying to sell is on an interest only mortgage, there might not be any money from it. I suspect that she took your money & has then officially gifted to her son rather than admit to him that she has no money.

thepariscrimefiles · 03/04/2025 08:12

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 22:13

She may not write back? I could quite easily go into her office? DH has done this last few times and she was very taken aback. When he went to ask for it back few months ago, he said she seemed really nervous because her colleagues could hear the conversation. He said he has tried and each time she has said, wait for the court date and talked about her problems, tenants etc… I’ve told him to keep changing the conversation back to WE WANT OUR MONEY BACK. The last time she showed him papers that she has applied for loans. Who does that?

If I were you, I would also mention that you will contact the Financial Conduct Authority if the loan isn't repaid immediately. If she is an Independent Financial Adviser she should be registered with the FCA.

The fact that she is an IFA has meant that your DH trusted her enough to lend her this huge sum of money and is probably one of the reasons he still thinks that she intends to repay the money.

This is the information from Citizens Advice about Financial Advisers and their regulatory body:

All financial advisers should be registered with the FCA. This means they meet the right standards and you get more protection if you’re not happy with the service. For example, you can complain to the Financial Services Ombudsman and may be able to claim compensation if things go wrong.

If a financial adviser is not registered with the FCA, you can make a complaint to the FCA.

Don’t be afraid to ask an adviser about their qualifications and Statement of Professional Standing.

To check a financial adviser is registered with the FCA see the Financial Services Register.

Underthepalmtree · 03/04/2025 08:19

Imbusytodaysorry · 03/04/2025 07:27

@SpaceMoo she has no money . Robbing Peter to pay Paul .
Id be so mad she was spending money on a party and inviting me .
Sounds like she is in way over her head .

Actually that's a thought.

Maybe YOUR money is paying for the party OP.

It's possible she only gave the son a small amount and pocketed the rest.

Make that point to your not so 'D' H and see how that sits with him.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/04/2025 08:21

thepariscrimefiles · 03/04/2025 08:12

If I were you, I would also mention that you will contact the Financial Conduct Authority if the loan isn't repaid immediately. If she is an Independent Financial Adviser she should be registered with the FCA.

The fact that she is an IFA has meant that your DH trusted her enough to lend her this huge sum of money and is probably one of the reasons he still thinks that she intends to repay the money.

This is the information from Citizens Advice about Financial Advisers and their regulatory body:

All financial advisers should be registered with the FCA. This means they meet the right standards and you get more protection if you’re not happy with the service. For example, you can complain to the Financial Services Ombudsman and may be able to claim compensation if things go wrong.

If a financial adviser is not registered with the FCA, you can make a complaint to the FCA.

Don’t be afraid to ask an adviser about their qualifications and Statement of Professional Standing.

To check a financial adviser is registered with the FCA see the Financial Services Register.

Show quote history

This is not a bad card to have up your sleeve actually.

BlondeMummyto1 · 03/04/2025 08:22

Hoppinggreen · 02/04/2025 22:10

Based on?

Show quote history

Based on him being so vague and the fact that they would have needed a paper trail for the 40k.

Hoppinggreen · 03/04/2025 08:28

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 22:35

It sounds like a Ponzi scheme. If they can do this to us, and we’re not even close, who else do they owe money to? They’re probably repaying people with other people’s money.

I expect you are right.
If you watch any of the Netflix stuff on people like this they use the money they borrow from one "mark" to convince the next one they are wealthy, its their classic MO

Chattyham · 03/04/2025 09:26

Formal or not formal agreement?

GnomeDePlume · 03/04/2025 09:28

@SpaceMoo Do you know if her DH is aware of the loan?

I would not be surprised to find that doctor husband is living in blissful ignorance, enjoying the lifestyle that he doesn't realise his wife is getting them into debt to pay for.

Is she actually registered financial adviser?

Bandying about things like putting property into trust, converting unsecured debt into secured debt all without having properly gone through your finances.

All sounds like someone who knows the jargon but not the meaning.

The 'flying' business class, fancy party 'property portfolio' all sound like they have come from the MLM 'fake it 'til you make it' playbook.

How much of what she has told you/your DH do you actually know to be true?

Even something as simple as flying business class can be faked. A selfie at the entrance to the airline business class lounge. A comment about 'business class all the way'. The impression is given.

My DB gives the impression he went to a private school and was an officer in the army. Never actually lies but is happy for people to believe this. The reality is that he went to the same comp as me and was in the civil service. He does it because he is deeply insecure (thanks dad).

Hoppinggreen · 03/04/2025 09:33

Chattyham · 03/04/2025 09:26

Formal or not formal agreement?

No agreement, at least not in writing

StarCourt · 03/04/2025 09:54

Op you sound like you have your head screwed on, I’d definitely be rethinking my marriage though.

OuchyEars · 03/04/2025 10:19

If measures before the party don't get you anywhere, how about going to the party and having the discussion there.
This will not only be embarrassing for her, but you might find several others she owes join in.
If she's all about appearances it will matter.

Thelnebriati · 03/04/2025 10:46

As I've said elsewhere on this thread, I think OP should see a solicitor asap. This isn't something she can fix herself.