To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

[SpaceMoo]

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

RTFT
Nothing in writing at all

She's shite at finance if she's borrowing from friends. Get the money back, the longer you leave it the harder it'll be!

Hmm but she has the cash for holidays and 50th party bashes, time to get solicitor involved.

@Hoppinggreen well they can kiss that 40k good buy that friend has 0 interest in paying it back. I would be asking for a formal plan to be set up now or telling my husband he needs to cut this person off. If his so laid back about 40k I would be asking why his so chilled and if there is more going on here than she knows.

Exactly! People who are concerned about paying money they owe to friends don't fly business class for holidays or have extravagant bashes. You'd be worried about inconveniencing your friends. You'd worry that the optics were all wrong. This woman doesn't care at all. She doesn't give a crap. Get angry @SpaceMoo

why is your husband STILL worried about upsetting this 'friend' and keen to maintain the friendship? He needs to worry more about losing YOU. He also doesn't seem to give a crap.

@SpaceMoo what is your husband's age, and what is the age of the son who needed money?

I wouldn't rule out the possibility of your DH being his father.

They've both lied to you about this money so there's no reason to believe they wouldn't lie about when and where they met.

I presume there was a written and signed agreement about the loan? Otherwise it could get messy

Were you aware from the beginning or did he hide it from you?

She needs to remortgage her house and pay you back!!

I knew I recognised it from somewhere but couldn’t think what it was!

Draw up the 'loan' contract, take it to the party, corner her and announce you need it signed as you have had some 'bad health news', (don't be drawn into what). If she refuses to sign I'd start making noises about how you wouldn't want to "ruin her party with it all coming out..."

Exactly this. It’s all bollox. There’s no rental property, no tenants, possibly no son living his best life. Certainly no successful financial business and probably not a doctor. I think it’s quite simply that this grifter has conned the stupid DH out of £40k and is spending it on holidays and parties. You don’t know these people well enough to know how much of what they claim is true OP. As I said up thread, you’re not getting a penny of your £40k back. People like this have an inexhaustible supply of fairy tales, excuses and sob stories to keep you stringing along indefinitely.
Cut your losses, dump your stupid DH and go on your way with an expensive lesson learned.

DH gave money to a friend as a partnership arrangement to purchase property but never put DH’s name on it. I entered DH’s life and by then his friend was in a serious relationship and they were making plans for the property together.

she was told about the money but nothing was in writing. When they moved into the property DH asked for his money back. It was not forthcoming. The friend kept saying who was going to pay him for his work in the property etc. His work was actually the original contribution he made, not financial.

as there is nothing in writing apart from a bank application document, there’s nothing DH could do. The friendship soured and friend and partner planned on selling property to fund their next move.

just don’t put off getting some sort of written communication going. If your DH dicks about anymore, I would start my own email chain to the woman outlining the arrangement as you know it and go from there.

I think OP said that both she and her DH had met the son and knew him. The point I was making about the tenants and the court case is that it would be useful to check on public records if the hearing took place. And OP could probably find out via the Land registry if the Borrower owns that property (if she knows the address)

I find this quite unbelievable. We have recently purchased a house and my dad gifted me a large sum to help with stamp duty. The amount of paper work the solicitors wanted from my dad around this cash was unreal (for anti money laundering checks)…and he had to provide a letter to say it was a gift and that he had no claim over the house. I just cannot see how £40k was lent for a friends sons house purchase and there was not a load of questions and checks performed by the solicitors on this…and unless the solicitors did request the OP husband to sign a letter to say it was a gift then he would legally have a right over the house wouldn’t he?!

Your DP loaned £40k without your agreement?!?!

He's a bigger problem.

Have you asked for repayments £1k per week until it's cleared? Or something? But I agree with him partially I'd be checking what I have by way or evidence and playing nice until I'm confident I can recover the money

I’ve got some really good advice on here from everyone. Will come back to this thread when I have an update.

Will find out address of her property (they have many properties that they talk about) and I will check the case details. Thank you for that, I didn’t know I could.

I think I’ll have to take it into my hands and sort this out. She’s probably relying on DH leading this, but I think contacting her before the party, mentioning 40k she has borrowed and owes us to be repayed last year was the agreed timescale - so she can agree to it before I arrive at the party. Ideally I’d like money back before the party. I would like to mention to her that I personally did not agree to this loan, and DH did this by himself, and I’m disappointed she’s done this without my knowledge. This isn’t surplus money we are stashing to ‘invest’, this is our family money, savings and loans we need to repay that we are paying interest on - and he was out of order to have let her borrow it. It was a loan, not a gift!

(too severe?)

I agree
I posted earlier that the solicitors who sent my son his inheritance from my late parents were the ones we used to buy his house

and they still wanted copy of the will
Proof of where the deposit came from ( the sale of the house that they dealt with )
Bank statements showing them paying him the money 😂

but If it’s down as the gift the the DH signs to say it’s a gift and he’s got no interest in the property

I have a feeling your DH did paperwork to confirm it was a gift. There’s no way they could blag their way out of a paper trail for the £40k loan.

Based on?

This is all so bizarre!

She is a grifter and your husband is a spineless idiot.

Id take matters into my own hands op, for sure..

She may not write back? I could quite easily go into her office? DH has done this last few times and she was very taken aback. When he went to ask for it back few months ago, he said she seemed really nervous because her colleagues could hear the conversation. He said he has tried and each time she has said, wait for the court date and talked about her problems, tenants etc… I’ve told him to keep changing the conversation back to WE WANT OUR MONEY BACK. The last time she showed him papers that she has applied for loans. Who does that?

I work in Events & have been in many nice homes.
Owned by people who have nice things. And big parties.

I’ve also seen the begging letters to friends & family.
These people have no shame. She seems like that type!

money laundering law / rules
Know your client

both the solicitors & banks have to know legally where the deposit has come from and that if it’s a gift then the person who is giving the gifts signs to say they have no interest in the property

I think she has a major spending problem and is in way over her head. The fact that she’s throwing lavish parties and big trips but can’t get a loan is a massive concern. My husband is a chartered IFA. We’d have zero issue getting a loan. I bet her properties are all interest-only and she’s leveraged loans and mortgages against each other.