To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

[SpaceMoo]

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

OP, THIS ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ what @Calliopespa has written is exactly what you need to do!!

& as for your husband…..I personally would have ripped him a new one and then checked to see if there is anything else he has done that you are not aware of.

He really seems to value what this friend says so you really need to tread carefully and don’t say anything negative about her to him. You need to lull him into a false sense of security concerning her so that when you do raise the topic again it’s coming from needing assurances that the money will be repaid so if he can speak to her etc etc to stop you worrying so much.

Honestly speaking I don’t think you can trust your Husband. Only you know but if he has been sleeping in the spare room since Jan sounds like it’s not bothering him too much 🤔 that you both are apart.

Thing is, this lady hasn’t stolen anything. She asked a friend for 40k and staggeringly he said yes and transferred the money.

This

There must be way more to this.

yes, I did catch that, this was the closest comparison I had. However there's an argument that they agreed to "borrow" and have failed to repay, and then it does become a prosecutable case.

Oh no😱. @SpaceMoo did you or your husband sign such a document?. Did you pay the money into her account or her sons account?

@SpaceMoo wow! Remortgage is she mad !
a party ! ?

I wouldn’t be going and I’d book my solicitor app for the and day! Do you have it in writing it was a loan ?
You also a major husband problem !

This sounds very stressful! Good luck a d I really hope you get your money back ... are they giving you any interest per chance?!

Utterly bonkers thing to do. I’d be heading for the divorce courts if my husband lent out this sort of money without my knowledge and agreement.
I could not go to a lavish party thrown by someone who owed me that much money.
Definitely start legal proceedings.

If she's an IFA, tell her you want to put a 'charge' on the property for £40k - it's your loan security until you get your money back when the property is sold. You just need a solicitor to have something legal drawn up. And then if she fails to pay you back, it will affect her credit rating and ability to trade as an FCA Regulated advisor.

This woman is under no obligation to sign or agree to anything. She has OP's money so why would she?
She has groomed Op's H and dazzled him with her supposed wealth, that has probably come from doing this to other people.

Given there's no formal agreement, I think you'll need to be nice and play the long game. Your DH needs to tell them it's puttinga strain on your marriage, and that you're in debt and you can't afford to go to the party.

@Hoppinggreen yes, that's my thought. Has she done this before?

@SpaceMoo you have known this woman a while. Thinking back, are there other friends who seem to have dropped out?

They may have got some or even all of their money back but will have been socially dropped by this woman once she has used them.

I imagine she has, probably made a career of it.
Her next move will be to trash OP first so if she tries to tell other people what she has done it looks like OP is lying.
I have seen it before with someone in our community (who actually ended up in prison for mortgage fraud). One person tried to speak out but everyone had been told the fraudster suspected her of stealing, another tried as well but everyone had been told that her husband had come onto the fraudster so she had an axe to grind.
These people are very clever and very devious and its rare people see them coming until its too late. OP's H will have been targetted by being dazzled by being "accepted" into the wealthy crowd but he never was, he is just a mark for this woman.
It all sounds fanatstical but thats how they get away with it

I read her words in your OP as her telling you she can’t pay the money back. This has been further cemented by her suggestion that you remortgage! She wouldn’t suggest that if she had any intention of paying you back within the next 5/10 years.

Might just be my take on it

Hey, this is a really good idea.

Maybe you should take this to the next level? 😂
Prepare a loan repayment agreement and take it to the party. Your husband loudly announces that he has cancer and that he needs to formalise the loan for any potential inheritance admin. Then continue the drama making him the “poor brave thing” of your social group and once the loan is payed back he magically recovers.
If this all goes to shit at least you can maybe sell the story to Netflix and get your 40k back that way.

I agree with those posters who have said that you need to get some evidence of the loan before you fall out with her. Preferably even before you show any anger at her - in case she is a devious scammer… best be clever and not let her get wind of your approach just yet. If she really is a professional scammer, then she’s going to be really careful to not be trapped like that, so act innocent with her while you casually gather your proof.
So some email correspondence would be best, as other have said, but even a text message exchange where it’s referenced that it was a loan.
THEN make your next move, whether that’s asking for a contract, making it really clear to her how unacceptable this is, or bringing solicitors in.
But get as much as you can as evidence first.

@SpoonyCat But the checks by the solicitors acting for the friends son would have to investigate the origin of the funds in the parent's bank account that they gifted to him. Telling them it was given/loaned to them by friends wouldn't pass muster I'm afraid. There needs to be firm evidence of the origin of the money.
I gifted a much smaller sum to my own DS. I had to show exactly where I got the money from, including providing a copy of my DMs will (who'd died 9 years earlier) as well as giving the 3rd party financial check company access to our bank account where I had to explain away numerous credit entries on our accounts.

Looks like you'll be going to her 50th (& 51st 52nd 53rd 54th 55th ect)

If however you do see the money back I would seriously consider a divorce

It's the classic "I'm super wealthy but a little short of money at the moment. Could you help me out? You'll get your money back with interest." scam. Maybe the husband was offered some interest in return but it was all a verbal agreement so he'll never see it?

I'd be starting the quiet gentle threats. It doesnt sound like you've got enough paperwork to enforce anything, but if she's a regulated financial advisor who has been providing financial advice to you / DH, and you've got proof DH transferred £40k to her, at her request with no protection, that should be potentially career ending. I work in a different financial services roles and it would end my career if the person I took the money from kicked up stink.
Speak to her and ask her to explain the terms conditions of the loan, and why she thought this would be a good idea based on your needs. Explain that you need the money back within the next 2 weeks, otherwise you'll have to seek advice on what to do next.
Mis selling is covered by FSCS so explain that as she's been acting as your financial adviser for the last few years and has advised this loan too, unfortunately if you can't get your money back from her, you'll have to contact her firm / FOS / FCA etc to find out of there's any other way to recoup the money you've lost. Then let that sink in and hope its enough to scare her.
IANAL but is there potential to report her for fraud? She's conned your DH out of £40k and as a financial advisor, she reasonably would know that she shouldn't have taken it without a proper agreement on when to pay it back with interest.
And sympathy, your husband's an idiot. Any savings you both have should be put in your sole name from now on, or in an account that can only be accessed if both signatories agree.

Can you and your DH put a lien on the friends son property? So your contribution is noted?

Your husband is irresponsible with money and batshit naive. I wouldn't be surprised if he told her to not worry about paying it back, and has lied to you all along.

The fact he is in a separate bedroom when he is the one in the wrong is galling.

You won't get that money back. I'm telling you now, you won't see a single penny. And your husband is pure trash. I'd divorce. I really would. He will keep wanting to splash your joint money around so he looks like a hero, risking your future. I think it's time for you to end the marriage. He is utterly worthless. So no, don't go to the party, send her a text and tell her you are very angry and are thinking of litigation if she doesn't repay the money in 2 weeks to a month. Then file for divorce.

Tell her you need to charge her interest because clearly you're paying interest. Put it in writing to her.

Your DH is sadly gullible. I would not put up with anyone being free with family money.

Im so sorry it sounds shit. £40k is a lot to lend someone you'd know well and without an agreement too.

I would do all that and go to the party. Keep her close.