To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

[SpaceMoo]

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

Thanks

@SpaceMoo how much interest have you lost out on in that time? And is she paying that back too?

Is the party at her house? If so go and take £40k of stuff 😂 Maybe they have some car keys lying around.

How much interest are you either paying or losing on this money @SpaceMoo?

I'm thinking of buying my first home. I'm wondering which one of my parents friends I could get to finance it.

@SpaceMoo

1. Go to the party and have fun!

2. After the party, send a polite email pointing out you have LOANED her £40k, and the agreement was to pay it back by the end of March, which she failed to do, and you would like some reassurance that it will be paid back by the end of April.

(hopefully she will reply to email thus giving you written evidence of the loan and intention to repay).

3. If £40k doesn't materialise by end of April, then send a Letter Before Action, giving her 28 days from receipt of the letter to pay back the £40k, otherwise you will take it to court and will claim the full amount plus all interest payments.

The friendship sounds crap anyway if they think they can borrow £40k, splash the cash, yet not pay you back!

But even when it’s a Gift they want to see where it’s come from as in bank statements / savings and stuff if the op DH transferred it to them that would show inn bank statements

Do they? I'm just thinking of when I started a business, they took me at face value when I answered a question about that. I started it with a gift of money and they asked who it was from, which building society it had come from, but I don't recall having to show them anything to prove it.
Writing it down, that does look shoddy. Maybe my lot didn't do their job very well.

@TokyoKyoto yes this was my thought process also

When my son bought his house last year

he used the same solicitors who dealt with the conveyancing of my late parent house who gave my son half the house in their will

despite the solicitors having sent my son a huge sum of money the previous year
they still wanted proof of where it came from
despite the fact that they already had this in there records 😂

my son has to provide a copy of the will
and his bank statment that showed the money coming from them to him

I find it very suspect that the DH gave 40k to the friend and the friend was able to “gift “ that to the son no questions asked by the solicitors .
They have really tightened up on anti money laundering and know your client rules

God help you OP, and god help your children.

Your husband is clealy a real moron with money and this woman latched on to that.
What a complete idiot.
I think you need to get very real with her.

Tell her you intend to go very very public with the fact she tricked your moron of a husband into loaning money and are trying to avoid paying it back.
How will she feel if you start picketing her job and her husbands practice?
Get legal advice.

You need protecting from your idiot husband.
I canwedll imagine he'sin the spare bedroom.
it must be hard to look at such a fool.

@Snapncrackle that's very interesting
So the OP has a friend who is a financial adviser and presumably would understand all of that very well, has got £40k out of a bloke she's been buttering up for 20 years and it's not gone near a house purchase for her son.
Either the DH is even more of a total mug or the OP has been making this scenario up

I've read some odd things on here but I think this takes the

She has her own financial business? That means you have the upper hand as any public sniff that she is underhand and untrustworthy with money will ruin her business.

She is probably being casual because your DH has been ruinously careless and casual. I would say that as the money was supposed to be a short term loan and now looks like it will be longer term, you want a legal agreement. She needs, for example to pay it by April or you will want a legal agreement and interest on the loan. And write in that she has an end date to pay it by. If she doesn’t pay it by then you will seek legal redress (you don’t have to tell her that.)

The trouble is if it is tied to the sale of her house, it might take 6 months to sell and it might never sell. This is unreasonable on her part. She is a financial person so she will understand and respect your need to protect your assets. She is taking advantage of your idiot husband.

Jammy Dodger describes the friend pretty well tbh

Why does an adult need their parent to sort it. I get he had to move and was getting a divorce. He could rent and build up to buying again. It’s called being an adult!

I don’t know of any friends lending anyone money. Our friendship circle would typically have an annual income of at least £250k and loans have never come up.

If it goes sour and you have proof, the FCA may find this info interesting if she’s a financial advisor.

Well summarised.
I agree re the interest you are paying that is mad and she ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a loan of that size doesn't go through on word of mouth, or she's not really a financial advisor.
Can you get some statements of interest and work out how much it is costing you to lend her this money? I think that might be the way forward.
What is your DH thinking?!!

This would all be bad enough if he'd lent it to her, when you need it and she was going to pay it back asap. But the stress of worrying that you might never see the money again and having to wonder if her "updates" are all just lies, is the absolute pits!.
Can you get proper advice.
Draw up an agreement yourself with their advice and ask her to sign it retrospectively. Visit her, without DH and ask her to sign it there and then retrospectively. Tell her it is ruining your marriage, you cannot afford the interest and you cannot sleep at night and that you cannot believe he didn't ask for something in writing on that amount of money.
If she refuses, you will at least know where you stand.

Another alternative... show her your interest statements or add it up and do your own spreadsheet.. and ask her to pay a portion of it back to you right now.. say £10k.. Can't believe she doesn't have £10k or access to it. At least you'd have clawed some back. If she's willing to do that you can produce an agreement for her to sign to cover the rest.

The other question is has he lent it to her, or to her son? Who is responsible for this debt?

Also. I believe it is possible to clearly and calmly discuss it with her. If she starts acting all offended you can calmly explain that you have no intention of upsetting or offending her but you do need some clarity on this as its such a large sum and its causing you so much worry. (could you record the conversation - and any telephone calls?)

After that she and her party can eff off. It would be the last thing I'd want to go to... if she is a con artist, the invite, the photos of close friends is all part of massaging you into thinking of her as an amazing friend and being more reluctant to take her on. However, you have to play this carefully, so you may have to go.

It would probably show as coming from his parent's bank account as a cash gift. That would sound reasonable enough

There is no way if she is a “financial advisor “ that she isn’t aware of anti money landing rules and KYC. - know your client rules

she would have to have declared it as a gift and signed that she had no interest in the property and the solicitors for the son would want to know where the 40k has come from

some want 3 months statements with proof of the savings and how you obtained it
some want 6 months
some want a whole year
some want more
but they should all want proof of where the money has come from

Not necessarily
the solicitor can ask proof of where it’s from even when it’s a gift
Otherwise anyone could launder cash this way

I would (in your shoes) use your arguments for good use.
DH sends her msg ' I didn't mention it at the time but when I lent you that 40k I hadn't told spacemoo. Now she knows she's really pissed off.
To keep things easy for me can you make a payment ASAP/time/date/amount? '

Once she responds acknowledging the loan/she owes you money, you have proof, it might help.
If she bites and agrees then happy days, set up an arrangement, drawn up with a solicitor, making sure there is an END date you are happy with.

I'd try & get her to acknowledge her debt in a text or email, in a friendly type of way. before going down the legal route, or shaming her in public.. like at the party: "Oh Holy Cow Beryl, how much did this spread cost ? Didn't you think to pay us back our loan first ? it would have been 10%" Loudly

Wow! If it were me I'd take control and, as you suggested, cut all ties and seek legal advice. Can you produce a bank statement to show proof of the withdrawal/transfer of money??

Get a solicitor involved, to write a letter and proposing a payment plan, interest free, over the next 12 months.

I had a landlady whose next door neighbor actually STOLE some of her antiquarian books worth about 40k, she took her to court and because the thief had a really good lawyer, she didn't go to prison (she could have done). But she did have to agree to and keep up with a payment plan. It lasted for years, but the money was repaid.

Do you think he fancies her?? Just seems like a bonkers thing to do. 40 grand!

I would have to be on the bird of my ass before I went cap in hand to friends for money. And then the fucking audacity to throw a big flash party!! It’s mortifying!

It’s a bit fur coat and no knickers mentality.