To think that not toilet training your child is borderline neglect?

[PithyNavyViewer]

If your kid is four and still in nappies, that’s not a “gentle parenting choice” - it’s just lazy.

Why start a thread like this, especially with such a rude statement, other than to boost your feeling of superiority at the expense of those you look down on? FGS get a life.

I’m old mine were out of nappies by 2 for the girls but later to get dry for the boy - my DGCs it seems more of a battle as they can argue. Do it when they are little.

Not trying to toilet train because you want to be a ‘gentle parent’ is neglect.

Having a 4 year old who isn’t toilet trained. Not necessarily neglect.

No, not always. My son was in nappies until he was four and a half. He wasn’t ready and I didn’t force him. He was in nappies at night until he was nearly five.
I hate silly sweeping statements like the OP.

Where is the data for this opinion?

What do we mean by not potty trained exactly?

How many kids start reception in nappies?

How many of those have SEN or other issues/disabilities or are on a waiting list for a diagnosis/intervention?

There is not enough info in your OP to say... Maybe if they have never tried and the child doesn't have any medical or aln issues which would mean parents know that are not ready, then yes, but I think that's rarely the case.

Mine were both in nappies until 3 and some months, despite trying sooner, so only a matter of months off what you would call neglectful. I'm not sure why it would have been less neglectful to let them have loads of accidents and a lot of stress than leave it a few months and try again? And why is 4 your magic number? Is that based on any medical evidence or child development research?

And are you talking about daytime? Because my daughter was in nappies at night until older than 4, as was my nephew. Every medical piece of advice i could find was that it was 'normal' until 7 and there isn't much you could do to train, there are biological processes involved in waking when you need the toilet, and some children take longer than others. Certainly my son became dry at night naturally straight after being dry in the day with little effort by us to night train him that soon, so that convinced me kids are just different...

And also, many additional learning needs and neuro diversities are not diagnosed until later than 4 in most kids, if ever, so I don't think those saying it depends if they have disabilities can be so clear cut... At that age it's more useful to accept everyone is different than put a black and white label on it in my experience.

I suspect your post had made a lot of people feels shit, and given you haven't been back to clarify context or answer some of the points made, maybe that was your intention, I don't know.

Because it’s getting worse and schools don’t have the numbers to deal with it.

Exactly this.

I did ask, what about potty training, and the answer was, nah, we've got loads of time for that. Which I found odd.

But this is entirely the point the op is making. It wasnt a priority for you to train him during the day.

Why do you say kids with Sen were not included? People are replying to the OP and they said no such thing. They haven't put any exceptions on it at all.

Let’s not get into this they may have SEN. This is a post about kids who do not.

Exactly.

My child was forced into nappies in a two week period. Before that she’d never ever had issues with constipation and holding on to her bowel. After that we had years of problems with constipation and her bowel which also affected her bladder.

Forcing children when they’re not ready is abuse.

I'd like to know how many people that say it's neglect had a hard to potty train child? Dd2 was terrified and was withholding poo. She was on laxatives and it was awful, she wouldn't poo for up to 2 weeks at a time, it broke my heart. . She managed to figure it out at 3 and a half but not through us trying. Some kids are just easy to toilet train, our dd1 mastered it in 2 days and some damn right refuse to do it. I'm not going to force a screaming and crying child to take a nappy off as that's just an awful thing to do. No sen btw

@spicemaiden just posted the same I agree with you 100%

What's 'gentle parenting' got to do with potty training? Parents following this style are more likely to potty training earlier because they follow cues from the child. Also a lot of 'gentle parents' use cloth nappies which leads to early potty training.

I think you're getting it confused with 'permissive parenting'.

That’s why I avoided pull ups and went straight to knickers. They get the message a lot faster when they’re uncomfortable. I think some people don’t understand that’s it’s genuinely harder nowadays though because there isn’t a parent at home for long stretches - everyone is out working- so fitting it in is very difficult!

Have you been seen by the Continence Service in your area?

They weren’t amazing for us but a couple of useful things I did learn was that weirdly, if your child isn’t drinking enough during the day it can cause night-time bedwetting. I think it’s because if there’s not enough fluid to flush through the system during the day, more urine is retained which then causes bedwetting. Also blackcurrant squash/juice can irritate the bladder and aggravate bedwetting.

Apologies if you’ve heard all of that, just thought I’d pass it on in case it helped. It didn’t help us but you never know 😂🤷‍♀️

I have a 15yr old still in nappies with no continence at all who soils day and night, so I completely understand the difficulties 💐

Also, our consultant urologist said if your child is still wetting at night while they’re sleeping, they may not yet have physiologically developed sufficiently - some children really are just slower than others, and that’s ok ❤️

You’re not shit and useless at all - plenty of us know the struggles are real and not due to a lack of effort x

I did the same with my daughter when she’d jusf turned 2 yo and she was dry within days, but surely you appreciate it’s not the same for every child? I know a good friend who started at the same time as me, using the same ‘method’ and her daughter just couldn’t grasp it.

Eldest still had issues had to wear pull ups until just before he turned 5. And still poohing throughout the day in them. He regressed again at the end of reception and I had to pick him up from school regularly. It was not for lack of trying on my part. My daughter got it in a week. I barely had to try.
He has at the age of 11 been diagnosed with adhd but not all kids have a diagnosis of something at that age.
Save your judgment.

YANBU. I am finding that parents are starting their dc in reception with the expectation that we will potty train them at school. Twenty years ago I would have one dc in a nappy on average. Now it’s about fifty percent when they start. This year I have 36 in the morning and 36 in the afternoon, some dc stay some come for half a day. One teacher and two TAs and one of us is doing something to do with toileting at all times. We used to do things like story, literary and maths in three groups in three areas. Now we have two because of the nappies. This has had an enormous impact on the quality of the provision throughout the whole nursery classroom.

Oh look another short inflammatory post by a three word username designed to get people frothing with no further participation 🙄

This! Some parents use SEN as an excuse not to parent. ADD etc does not mean a child can't be potty trained.

It is a bit of a project to toilet trained a child. We took a week off work to get started and it was not easy. DD didn’t go to nursery in the UK and the nursery was very much of the opinion that NT children should be toilet training at 3. I heard one teacher giving another parents a dressing down for not having started toilet training. Her school which had KG and KG2 (american system) wouldn’t accept children who were not toilet trained or in nappies. This would be 4yr olds at the start of the semester. There are primary schools saying NT children are turning up in nappies and we should take that seriously.

Most 3 year old children would manage.without nappies but parents leave it too long, the children are fully functioning excluding nappy.

If we were still using towel nappies, children would be trained much earlier than 3.