talk to me if you stupidly bought something £££ you couldnt really afford

[WhyDidIDiddle]

In my defence, I have had a horrible time featuring death which has left me on a swing between dark depression and f*ck it do it now you might be dead tomorrow.

I bought a pair of shoes that I really liked but were a ridiculous amount to spend on shoes of any kind. I feel a bit sick when I think of it. I will keep them as its not bankrupting but it is stupid out of the savings money. I do like them but it was really really really stupid. No one should spend that much on a pair of shoes.

Hoping I am not alone and someone can make me feel a bit better with similar tale that didn't end horribly.

I had a lambskin gilet made for me it cost £400 🙄 and this was in Brick Lane about 2003

was the hight of my boho phase

It looked great but it smelt horrible I only wore it a few times

I love them, @Katem90 ! It's everything that's wrong with us and everything that I can convince myself is right about us because it's not hurting anyone, it's sweet, funny and I would totally eat my chips using it like some la-di-da lady who is all out of fucks to give and still loving every fuckless second!

@ReturnoftheBink I'm going to be feeding the capybara at a sort of children's farm/small zoo place near Epsom and I know that they have branches in West London too so it's worth starting to look by Googling Epsom/capybara. Probably. Because these are being bought for me as presents I'm not 100% on the details. The sloths are, I'm 99% sure, at Drusilla's Park in Sussex who also do capybara and beaver.

I'm not sure that applies so much to a lot of the things, as if you're splurging money you're probably buying good quality and it lasts. A lot of people have talked about their super-expensive shoes, dress, artwork, bag... or cutlery! - lasting a long time and being treasured. That's what we should be doing with stuff - buying quality that is worth having and lasts. It's the opposite of throwaway, plastic tat culture. And these things can be sold on and keep their value as well.

That's for each individual to decide.

Some have said it fills a hole after a loss,
Some purchases have lasted years, so not a waste.
Some will be passed on for generations to come etc.
A lot end up in charity shops/donations.

Experiences, animals, temporary relief or whatever, their money, their choice.

Can you get to Edinburgh zoo? You could feed all three!

I had to put away my large HP castle due to lack of space. So obviously I bought Rivendell and then the Dark Tower.
So now I have spent well over 1k on Lego I actually have no space to display.
Still don’t regret it though.

An expensive running machine. I probably ran 20k on it in a year. It laughed at me every time I passed it; the guilt was eating me up. Then I sold it and my guilt disappeared immediately.

The goddesses of "stupidly buy those things you were having a bit of think about, sloth laydee!" love me tonight, like they SERIOUSLY love me. I've put in the most basic of google searches and immediate gold!

Example. I said earlier that I wanted to look up some maybe silk, but sort of "luxury" - not luxury at all really but definitely natural fibres and maybe looking a bit Victorian to go with my aesthetic (excuse me while I vomit after writing that sentence). My search: luxury nightwear. I wasn't even trying. One of the first hits:
Vintage-inspired floral and traditional Victorian nightwear made from 100% cotton. Ladies nightdresses, nightshirts, pyjamas, accessories and dressing gowns.
I go to have a look. Really lovely pieces, at really reasonable prices. Will I get something from there? Definitely!
My velvet throw search was literally that "velvet throw" and there's more of a mixed bag but lots and lots of really just lovely pieces that I'll buy a couple of for sure. Also, there's a cashmere blanket for sale on H&M that I'll slip in to the mix. Maybe. Such small things and pleasures but when stuff sort of gently falls into place around you it does feel as though life is on your side and that's quite a nice feeling.

I'm also searching for chandelier type earrings because they're so much fun to wear when you've got super short hair and you've popped to the shops in jeans and a t-shirt and big glittery earrings for shits and giggles!

Are you in a lot of debt if you don't mind me asking?

Recently, I spent WAY too much on my husband’s present for our 25th wedding anniversary. I’m hoping he will be so pleased with it he won’t wonder about the price.

I found out it had been discontinued, so it took a lot of detective work (scouring eBay, Gumtree, Vinted Facebook Marketplace etc.) …..to find the same in good condition, for a sane-ish (under £20k) price, willing to post to the top end of Scotland.

I did find someone who would personalise the map with something like an anniversary message and/or a location but that was for an insane price.

I agree, I’m not saying it’s everything, I was talking more society on a wider scale, not the things here. It’s just a poignant conversation, I’m not being judgey. If anything, many of the things mentioned aren’t even things, and/or they are things which have been long kept and enjoyed and cared for which is ideal, not like throwaway culture. I was including myself in it. When I said we will have to think about it one day… I was referring to the climate crisis and the fact that one day things will inevitably have to change somehow. I’m not judging anyone, and I also agree it’s each person’s own choice. It’s interesting the individual things we all do choose. But it is a good thought to provoke in our worrying modern times, just a bit of collective self-reflection.

Yes, but its managed and considered. And based in income that we know is coming in to pay stuff off. We have periods of head down and working and limited spending too. Have property and pensions so not bothered about saving more than that.
Weve seen loved ones who saved for retirement having it cut short when they passed, or not being able to do the things they have saved for because of illness so we are a bit like, do it now, why wait.

Pretty sure that using the phrase 'collective self reflection' will suck every ounce of joy out of a thread.

i’ve only read up to page 11 so far, but am in agreement with a pp that it is one of the best / nicest threads on mn in many months.

I don’t have any tales of outrageously expensive single items - but I have been going through the process of trying to get my overstuffed house under control over the last 9 months or so, and what has really struck me is the probable total cost of all of the stuff and things (most of which are not used / hardly used) that we have accumulated over the years which I am now getting rid of with gusto.. it will be £000s... And what is worse is that this embedded cost is one of the reasons why I have not been able to get rid of things much before now. But I am doing a good job with the declutter, the house is much better, but still have half of the house to go through yet.

Other things that have occurred to me are that I stress eat (and have done for years), and I should probably have a sit down and work out what that has probably cost me over the last year, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years.. Probably a few horses, some bling and fancy togs would pale into comparison. Not to mention the health impacts on being a stress eater. So maybe if I could wind the clock back, it would have been better / healthier for me to visit Aspreys or Tiffany’s to get a feel-good fix all those years ago.

And I’ve never been a smoker, but smoking one pack of 20 a day would cost roughly £6k per year (not to mention all of the health costs)… That would equate to OP’s lovely shoes every two months? Or PP’s cutlery in just over three years…?

Sending lots of love to all those dealing with bereavement, in whatever way they find best.. it has been 3 months since my bereavement.. and from now on I am going to try and make healthier choices for my stress-spending..

Oh well, I’m not, I was just agreeing with someone else that it makes me think. Whether you think it’s boring or joyless, we will have to consider how we live at some point in the future, which is all I was saying.

It is allowed to broaden a discussion, not opposed to it at all. I suppose it was just another facet of the conversation. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows as we all know 🥹

I want to consider the planet so my children can grow old and be safe. There’s a positive thought!

If you actually read the posts on here, people are very much self-reflecting. Collectively. You don’t need to jump on me for having a different thought. I hope you continue to enjoy the thread.

@Stoufer try to buy some posh fruit instead. £6 hurts on cherries but they are lovely. Cheaper than booze or fags. Add in plums, peaches, grapes.
I have given up booze so I treat myself.

I found a few bits of clothing that I haven't sent to eBay/Vinted/charity shop and I'm so glad because one is a skirt I got in Primark about a million years ago (about 25 years ago!) and I've always just loved even though it's nothing special. It's a bit too big but still hangs okay on me so I'm going to wear it out for a trip to the pharmacy now. I am getting rid of so much stuff at the moment but smiling to myself as I think "but now I must have a very lovely pretend Victorian night dress and that lovely velvet throw!" even as I declutter a tiny bit of pretty clutter has to come back into play.

I also discovered a small triangular almost bandau type thing I knitted ages ago and the shape is a big thing at the moment. I'm wearing it over a white three-quarter-length sleeve t-shirt and I look quite the fancy lady!

I wanted a Persian rug so we went to buy one. The problem was we couldn’t decide between two so we bought them both.
They are beautiful and like you say, make a room. Unfortunately one of the dogs made a beeline for one of them when he had diarrhoea 😡. Luckily it was just the edge and we managed to clean it pretty well. I tried to get it professionally cleaned to remove any traces of crap smell out but they said the colours would run and wouldn’t touch it. I’m too scared it will still have some remnants of the smell and the dogs would associate it as a place to crap so my beautiful, expensive pure silk rug is folded up and stored until the dogs are all gone 😞

There are so many lovely stories on this thread

@Violetmarmalade

If you live anywhere near the south of England I thoroughly recommend a visit to the incredible miniature world of dolls houses, shops and country scenes at Leonardslee House near Horsham, West Sussex, complete with moving parts like lifts in the department store. I can spend hours in there marvelling at the amazing detail https://www.leonardsleegardens.co.uk/dolls-house-museum

Thank you for this - I'm not near here but it looks really interesting and if I am passing there I will go. I'd never have heard of it if you'd not mentioned it.

@FagsMagsandBags

I'm here to bring a sloth update. .. Friend arranged a capybara feeding for me for 10th April but there were no dates free for sloths before September which doesn't surprise me. I get a message from her today - she's currently in Spain for a short break and still thinking of me - she's somehow managed to get me the sloth experience on my actual birthday, so 7th - and I will probably be weeping while feeding the most precious animals I can think of. I cannot put into words how happy this is making me. I'm in danger of getting over giddy so having to find ways to calm myself down before I lose myself in the excitement!

This is so lovely. I hope you have a lovely birthday and enjoy your sloths.

@eqpi4t2hbsnktd eqpi4t2hbsnktd · Yesterday 13:37

chandelier... £10k. too big to get in the house.

I desperately want to hear more about the chandelier. Where did you buy it from? Did no one give you advice about getting it in? Do you live in a palace that a £10k chandelier would fit?

& what happened ... did they turn up with it and try to get it in and then have to take it away?

Pretty sure telling other posters off for having a different view point does not spread joy either

I'm actually quite blown away and reassured and comforted by the amount of posts from people who are in the same position as me following a bereavement. This thread has been a joy for me, not just because of some of the lovely and funny stories and the fact some of the scale of spending puts mine into a whole new (better!) perspective but because it has made me feel normal in grief.

@AnnoyedAsAllHeck AnnoyedAsAllHeck · Yesterday 04:40
It's nice to know that it isn't just me who grief shops/spends. It has made me feel less idiotic with my grief spending. I truly wish I had known it was a "thing" forty years ago.
I "grief bought" after my Grandmother passed, my Dad, my Mom, my sister and have also spent a lot when I was really sick (all three times), my DH got diagnosed with cancer and pretty much any tough time when I have felt overwhelmed.

I couldn't agree more and condolences to you and to

@dogsandcatsandhorses
I see your 20k cutlery and raise you a 15 room manor house. Yep, 10 months after DH died. What the hell does grief do to our brains

@bubblegumunicorn

Definitely not alone after we lost my FIL last year we booked two week all inclusive in Mexico so we could cry some where beautiful, drained our savings to do it but the spending impulses that accompany grief are so real! I think it's something to do with the endorphins.

@Crazyladee
Little bit embarrassed but I'm not really bothered. I let him tease me 😆 It started off as grief purchasing during lockdown after losing my son quickly and suddenly

and to anyone else I have missed. Sorry for your heartbreaking losses and thank you for sharing your grief purchasing stories.

They have meant a lot to me and made me feel comforted in solidarity

A few months ago I had a sudden acute bout of illness and was very unwell , it was an autoimmune thing that can constantly relapse and lead to kidney failure , I thought that’s it , feck it , I’ll buy that £35k horse I have had my eye one , life’s too short . Luckily for my bank balance I found out the next day that the autoimmune thing had been caused by an anti malaria drug I had been taking and hopefully will never recur ! Good job I found that out first 🤣