Page 9 | Husband getting married

Grassisalotgreener · 2025-03-30T14:53:04+00:00

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week . Should i inform someone in authority? Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

moose17 · 30/03/2025 19:13

You can get a divorce in the UK without your spouse’s consent. The no-fault divorce system allows one spouse to file based on the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, eliminating the need for both parties to agree.
Legal measures ensure that divorce can proceed even when one spouse refuses to participate. A process server can deliver the necessary paperwork, ensuring the divorce process isn’t delayed, even if your spouse avoids acknowledging the petition.
Under no-fault divorce laws, proving fault or long separation is no longer necessary. The new system focuses on the marriage breakdown, allowing one spouse to apply for divorce without being dependent on the other’s cooperation.
When your spouse avoids engagement in the process, the courts provide options to move forward, like using deemed service. This ensures that a lack of cooperation doesn’t prevent the divorce from proceeding.
A spouse cannot block divorce proceedings by contesting the application without valid grounds. The current system limits what they can contest, ensuring individuals can still obtain a divorce, even if the other party resists.

moose17 · 30/03/2025 19:14

Chances are you’ve been divorced for a long time you just don’t know

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:14

moose17 · 30/03/2025 19:13

You can get a divorce in the UK without your spouse’s consent. The no-fault divorce system allows one spouse to file based on the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, eliminating the need for both parties to agree.
Legal measures ensure that divorce can proceed even when one spouse refuses to participate. A process server can deliver the necessary paperwork, ensuring the divorce process isn’t delayed, even if your spouse avoids acknowledging the petition.
Under no-fault divorce laws, proving fault or long separation is no longer necessary. The new system focuses on the marriage breakdown, allowing one spouse to apply for divorce without being dependent on the other’s cooperation.
When your spouse avoids engagement in the process, the courts provide options to move forward, like using deemed service. This ensures that a lack of cooperation doesn’t prevent the divorce from proceeding.
A spouse cannot block divorce proceedings by contesting the application without valid grounds. The current system limits what they can contest, ensuring individuals can still obtain a divorce, even if the other party resists.

Not in the UK

OP posts:

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:15

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 30/03/2025 18:33

TBH OP, unless you are planning to marry again yourself, it's probably in your best interest right now (financially and for your safety) to say absolutely nothing.

Edited

Thankyou, this is what i intend to do

OP posts:

CuriouslyMinded · 30/03/2025 19:17

YANBU to report him, OP, but honestly - do you want to? If you separated due to DV and have not had to deal with him at all for 13 years, do you want to invite his presence back into your life by drawing his attention to you?
Honestly let him get on with it. I feel for his new "wife", but if he is a violent man it might even be in her best interests not to be married to the b***d as it will be easier for her to unpick the mess he is making.

Nameychangington · 30/03/2025 19:18

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:14

Not in the UK

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You can get a divorce in the UK without the spouses consent ,but not without their knowledge.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:20

SnoozingFox · 30/03/2025 19:11

The OP's financial situation and the reasons for not being divorced are completely irrelevant.

It's super basic. Sally is still married to Steve, so Steve is not free to marry Susan.

Thankyou, i was beginning to feel that i was somehow to blame, if money wasnt a barrier i would be divorced 11.5 years ago.

OP posts:

UndermyShoeJoe · 30/03/2025 19:20

WearyAuldWumman · 30/03/2025 19:13

Oh, I understand that that's how they looked it at. From my own point of view, I wouldn't have felt right being engaged to my DH while he was still only separated from his first wife - it wouldn't have felt as though he were free to be engaged.

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It’s a bit like jumping in someone’s grave though they haven’t even left it yet…

pinkyredrose · 30/03/2025 19:22

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:05

He is getting married next week and i have had no divorce papers, im informed that you have to notify authorities 3 months in advance, so that doesnt add up.
Unless it is a non legal promise type of thing, yeah i feel sorry for the lady in question , because we are 100 % still married.

Why don't you divorce him?

Mog65 · 30/03/2025 19:23

Can you not just message him and say. That way you've been up front, given him the time to stop the wedding. If it goes ahead then contact the police.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:23

CuriouslyMinded · 30/03/2025 19:17

YANBU to report him, OP, but honestly - do you want to? If you separated due to DV and have not had to deal with him at all for 13 years, do you want to invite his presence back into your life by drawing his attention to you?
Honestly let him get on with it. I feel for his new "wife", but if he is a violent man it might even be in her best interests not to be married to the b***d as it will be easier for her to unpick the mess he is making.

Absolutely, this is all helpful, youre right and i do not want him anywhere near me.
Yes, yes yes.!

OP posts:

Cucy · 30/03/2025 19:24

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:12

I do not want to punish him at all.?
I want nothing to do with him.
I think you misunderstood something.

Edited

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You asked whether you should report him.

If you want to punish him, then report him not wait until he’s actually committed the crime which is when he has got married.

But if you don’t want to punish him, then I would completely stay out of it and not rock the boat, especially if you think it’s going to end up bad for you.

Zucker · 30/03/2025 19:27

moose17 · 30/03/2025 19:13

You can get a divorce in the UK without your spouse’s consent. The no-fault divorce system allows one spouse to file based on the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, eliminating the need for both parties to agree.
Legal measures ensure that divorce can proceed even when one spouse refuses to participate. A process server can deliver the necessary paperwork, ensuring the divorce process isn’t delayed, even if your spouse avoids acknowledging the petition.
Under no-fault divorce laws, proving fault or long separation is no longer necessary. The new system focuses on the marriage breakdown, allowing one spouse to apply for divorce without being dependent on the other’s cooperation.
When your spouse avoids engagement in the process, the courts provide options to move forward, like using deemed service. This ensures that a lack of cooperation doesn’t prevent the divorce from proceeding.
A spouse cannot block divorce proceedings by contesting the application without valid grounds. The current system limits what they can contest, ensuring individuals can still obtain a divorce, even if the other party resists.

How does this appy to Ireland?

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:29

Cucy · 30/03/2025 19:24

You asked whether you should report him.

If you want to punish him, then report him not wait until he’s actually committed the crime which is when he has got married.

But if you don’t want to punish him, then I would completely stay out of it and not rock the boat, especially if you think it’s going to end up bad for you.

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Yes i did say report, because bigamy is illegal not to punish him.
I prosecuted him the legal way and he was found guilty im at peace with it all.

OP posts:

MounjaroOnMyMind · 30/03/2025 19:31

Are you saying you are still using his name because you're not divorced yet? That can be easily sorted out.

LongDarkTeatime · 30/03/2025 19:32

Just wanted to pop on and send you a hug OP.
It sounds like you have spent many years working hard to repair damage from this man’s behaviour. It must be hard to have him drawn back into your considerations in even a small way.
I have no advice but hope you find a peaceful way forward which suits you as soon as possible.
Take care of yourself x

Nameychangington · 30/03/2025 19:33

MounjaroOnMyMind · 30/03/2025 19:31

Are you saying you are still using his name because you're not divorced yet? That can be easily sorted out.

What's that got to do with the price of fish?

moose17 · 30/03/2025 19:34

Zucker

if you go online it looks exactly the same procedure if you are in Ireland or England from my understanding

moose17 · 30/03/2025 19:36

Other than the fact that you both must live permanently in Ireland

MrsKeats · 30/03/2025 19:38

The marriage won’t go ahead unless he lies and says he’s never been married. You have to show your divorce papers to remarry,

Regretsmorethanafew · 30/03/2025 19:39

moose17 · 30/03/2025 19:13

You can get a divorce in the UK without your spouse’s consent. The no-fault divorce system allows one spouse to file based on the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, eliminating the need for both parties to agree.
Legal measures ensure that divorce can proceed even when one spouse refuses to participate. A process server can deliver the necessary paperwork, ensuring the divorce process isn’t delayed, even if your spouse avoids acknowledging the petition.
Under no-fault divorce laws, proving fault or long separation is no longer necessary. The new system focuses on the marriage breakdown, allowing one spouse to apply for divorce without being dependent on the other’s cooperation.
When your spouse avoids engagement in the process, the courts provide options to move forward, like using deemed service. This ensures that a lack of cooperation doesn’t prevent the divorce from proceeding.
A spouse cannot block divorce proceedings by contesting the application without valid grounds. The current system limits what they can contest, ensuring individuals can still obtain a divorce, even if the other party resists.

Very nice, but that doesn't apply to Ireland. It's a different country with different laws.

moose17 · 30/03/2025 19:41

Yes, in Ireland, you can apply for a divorce without the other spouse's agreement, provided you meet specific conditions, including a period of separation and no reasonable chance of reconciliation.

Here's a more detailed explanation:

No-Fault Divorce:
Ireland has a "no-fault" divorce system, meaning the judge doesn't inquire into the reasons for the marriage breakdown.
Conditions for Divorce:
To apply for a divorce, you must prove to the court that:
You and your spouse have lived separately for at least two out of the previous three years.
There is no reasonable chance of reconciliation.
You or your spouse must live permanently in Ireland.
Either of you lived in Ireland for at least one year before applying for divorce.
Sole Application:
You can apply for a divorce on your own, meaning you don't need your spouse's consent to initiate the process.
Court Decision:
If your spouse doesn't agree with the divorce terms or the application, the court will make a decision based on the circumstances. looks petty much the same as England, but I’m not. I could be wrong.

Original poster

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:42

You know if i was reading my post i would probably be saying the same why doesnt she just divorce him.

If only things were so cheap and straightforward, if the cost of living wasnt so high, if my car didnt break down, if my house and car insurance was free, if my mortgage rate was cheaper, if i didn't have to go to the Drs, if i didnt need good shoes or feed the animals i was left responsible for. If i didnt need heat and light , if the school books had been free, maybe aldi or lidl could have given me free groceries. Maybe i should have walked to work rather than pay for petrol, i should have thumbed a lift that costs nothing.
Well none of the above happened and life was and is a struggle and i am hanging on and surviving regardless.

OP posts:

Cucy · 30/03/2025 19:43

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 19:29

Yes i did say report, because bigamy is illegal not to punish him.
I prosecuted him the legal way and he was found guilty im at peace with it all.

Show quote history

I would stay out of it then.

If you think it’ll turn out bad for you or if it has no negative effects on your life and you don’t want to punish him, then I would stay right out of it.

He’ll get caught by one day.

Regretsmorethanafew · 30/03/2025 19:44

moose17 · 30/03/2025 19:41

Yes, in Ireland, you can apply for a divorce without the other spouse's agreement, provided you meet specific conditions, including a period of separation and no reasonable chance of reconciliation.

Here's a more detailed explanation:

No-Fault Divorce:
Ireland has a "no-fault" divorce system, meaning the judge doesn't inquire into the reasons for the marriage breakdown.
Conditions for Divorce:
To apply for a divorce, you must prove to the court that:
You and your spouse have lived separately for at least two out of the previous three years.
There is no reasonable chance of reconciliation.
You or your spouse must live permanently in Ireland.
Either of you lived in Ireland for at least one year before applying for divorce.
Sole Application:
You can apply for a divorce on your own, meaning you don't need your spouse's consent to initiate the process.
Court Decision:
If your spouse doesn't agree with the divorce terms or the application, the court will make a decision based on the circumstances. looks petty much the same as England, but I’m not. I could be wrong.

Could you all stop brit-splaining Irish divorce law to Irish people? Go raibh maith agat