Husband getting married

[Grassisalotgreener]

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week .
Should i inform someone in authority?
Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

I would let him get on with it. If he's doing something illegal let him crack on.

They are unaware of the fact Ireland is independent from the UK I suspect or unaware there are countries outside of the UK with differing laws.

I think many would fine if it were France or Germany, but I've met many British people who don't seem to understand that Ireland is a foreign country. They think it's not really, it's so similar, it's practically the same.
But it's not.

You need to speak to your ex ASAP.
This is why they ask if there is an impediment to the people being legally married in the ceremony- if your ex shrugs it off go along and say you are still married, you will be preventing your husband from being a criminal, bigamy carries a compulsory prison sentence. Not getting divorced to save money is a false economy!

21 pages and this gem.... she does not need to contact her abusive ex ever for any reason. Him getting married while already married is his crime not hers. She has no legal, moral nor any other reason to contact a man who abused her and invite him back into her life. Ever.

And for anyone wondering about the poor new wife well then she herself should have done her own due diligence before agreeing to marry him.

Unfortunately I think due to there being a Northern Ireland and an Ireland, sometimes people forget that the later is a foreign country. I'd read some of the Ops original posts, but not enough to realise it was not the uk when made my first reply. I realised that the OP was in Ireland and so of course it will be different laws as it's a foreign country.

Well not to split hairs but the reason there is both Ireland and Northern Ireland is because the uk couldn't feck off away like lol but yeah very different rules in Ireland than the UK but it only takes reading the OP's posts to work out where she is and it genuinely is a bafflement to me that people do not read the OP's posts before responding.

But why not read all OP’s posts before first replying? I don’t understand why people don’t do that, as it really doesn’t make sense not to.

She doesn't need to speak to her abusive ex.

And they don't ask about impediments in the ceremony.

Although, I think we might have avoided all the "cancel the cheque" posts if the OP had stated in her first post that she is in Ireland.

This is a mainly British site and I think it is important to state that you aren't in Britain when asking for any kind of advice that requires the input of outside agencies.

I agree that not reading updates is lazy though.

That's just pure ignorance!

Sorry not you Mike but those that don't even consider Ireland is a different country.

Report it definitely! I separated from my abusive ex in 2008. Due to my circumstances I couldn't afford a divorce until 2020. Then with Covid there were delays and it took a further 2 years until it was finalised. My current partner and I want to get married and I knew I had to get a divorce first.
It is 100% illegal and highly unlikely you will be divorced in a week before the wedding! The average divorce is about 6 months.

Why don't you apply to the courts to get divorced? You can request on the form that he pays half. I am assuming your kids are older and therefore it should be pretty straight forward. Meanwhile speak to the county where he will be getting married as they can advise on who to report it to.

No, no, no and no. FFS.

Because she is in Ireland where it can take years, sometimes decades to get divorced and the process is vastly different to the UK.

It took me a while to but it isn't a reason not to get divorced. Either way in the majority of 1st world countries what he is doing is illegal. She needs to address that given its just a week away.
She can then file for divorce alongside that. Why stay married to someone when he is moving on? It took me 14 years but at least it's done.

The OP has explained several times: she does not have the required funds.

And again neither did I but I found a way. I did it all myself no solicitors. He is also partly responsible. Forgetting the divorce then...he is spending money getting married even for a basic marriage in a county office it's going to cost similar amount to a divorce application.
He can therefore afford to get divorced if he can afford to get married. She needs to report him. I have said this three times and yet everyone is just highlighting everything else and not the real issue at hand. That HE is breaking the law.

@GertieET everyone including the OP knows he is the one breaking the law however she has said she cannot afford a divorce. This is Ireland where divorces cost thousands and you cannot get a diy divorce without his agreement which means she has to contact her abuser to ask for it and he will not give it. He is willing to commit bigamy so clearly not one to be talked around. The laws are different in Ireland. It really is not as simple as you seem to think.

Yes, he is breaking the law - and the OP is scared to report him because he is a violent man.

Depends if you feel his fiancée has a right to know.

I would hope someone would warn me before I married a soon to be bigamist who is dangerous.

But your own safety matters. Are your children independent confident adults? Might they be able to warn her? Or simply remind him there's an admin step he needs to take? Keep it casual?

He isn't going to know she is the one who reported it.

She's unwilling to take that risk.

There's every chance that the truth will come out at the wedding ceremony, however, given that he's had the audacity to invite his children.

Well, I don't know the law there so that's fair enough but usually women who are victim to DV will be protected.
As I say my ex didn't agree. I didn't need to ask him for a divorce. I just applied to the court and they sent a bailiff. He still refused to sign the papers. That is why it took over two years. I had to show that he was aware of the application but refused to sign. After that they granted the divorce anyway and didn't need his signature at all.
But I appreciate they may not do things the same there.

@GertieET they arent the same no. It took me 7 years to get my own divorce. Both needed solicitors and took so long cos he simply did not want to comply. In the end he caved but it had to go to court. Cost him a lot too in the end just for saying no all them times. Asshole.

It matters if the OP decides she wants to remarry at some point.