Page 20 | Husband getting married

Grassisalotgreener · 2025-03-30T14:53:04+00:00

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week . Should i inform someone in authority? Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

WearyAuldWumman · 01/04/2025 01:40

llizzie · 01/04/2025 01:38

That is pedantic. It gives advice on what to do, and the relevant department. Splitting hairs is hardly conducive to friendly posts, is it?

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Yes, it gives advice.

It doesn't make it mandatory for a woman to put herself in danger. In the context of this thread, your behaviour is bullying.

llizzie · 01/04/2025 01:42

WearyAuldWumman · 01/04/2025 01:40

Yes, it gives advice.

It doesn't make it mandatory for a woman to put herself in danger. In the context of this thread, your behaviour is bullying.

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Well we shall just have to wait and see, won't we?

Either she tells the authorities, or she doesn't.

Does it matter anyway?

WearyAuldWumman · 01/04/2025 01:43

llizzie · 01/04/2025 01:42

Well we shall just have to wait and see, won't we?

Either she tells the authorities, or she doesn't.

Does it matter anyway?

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If it doesn't matter, stop badgering.

Neversayit · 01/04/2025 02:12

llizzie · 01/04/2025 01:38

That is pedantic. It gives advice on what to do, and the relevant department. Splitting hairs is hardly conducive to friendly posts, is it?

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Yes, advice. That’s all it is.

So when you said upthread

I looked up the Irish law and it MUST be reported if you know of someone who intends to marry bigamously.
Ignorance of the law is no defence.

you were posting incorrect information.

Just wanted to make sure OP knew that.

Onceisenoughta · 01/04/2025 04:06

moose17 · 30/03/2025 19:13

You can get a divorce in the UK without your spouse’s consent. The no-fault divorce system allows one spouse to file based on the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, eliminating the need for both parties to agree.
Legal measures ensure that divorce can proceed even when one spouse refuses to participate. A process server can deliver the necessary paperwork, ensuring the divorce process isn’t delayed, even if your spouse avoids acknowledging the petition.
Under no-fault divorce laws, proving fault or long separation is no longer necessary. The new system focuses on the marriage breakdown, allowing one spouse to apply for divorce without being dependent on the other’s cooperation.
When your spouse avoids engagement in the process, the courts provide options to move forward, like using deemed service. This ensures that a lack of cooperation doesn’t prevent the divorce from proceeding.
A spouse cannot block divorce proceedings by contesting the application without valid grounds. The current system limits what they can contest, ensuring individuals can still obtain a divorce, even if the other party resists.

Not necessarily so. My husband was an abuser though emotional rather than violent, it went on for years. He's also a drinker and a cruel narcissist towards both me and our daughter - he works in uniform. My only escape and I mean 'only' was by meeting another man, he's looked after us for 14 years and kept us safe. Husband served divorce papers on me and my current partner shortly after we left - a total cover up of his emotional abuse that carried on through children's court and all through DD's childhood although very limited contact but he still damaged her at every opportunity. The house was sold 3 years later, profit split between us. So to date the divorce has sat going nowhere for the past 11 years, we've been married 28 years now in total. He won't co-operate because he's got a massive pension pot that needs splitting and I don't have £8K for s barrister.

If he's made a will does it count if we're still married and he kicks the bucket, can he retire and take the lot?

Sallyssn · 01/04/2025 04:32

File for divorce immediately.

GiveDogBone · 01/04/2025 04:51

Amazing, I’ve always wanted somebody to stand up and shout out “He’s still married to me!” when the priest / registrar says “Does anybody know a lawful impediment…”. Talk about a real life soap opera moment!!!

Video please!!!

Regretsmorethanafew · 01/04/2025 05:49

llizzie · 01/04/2025 01:20

Then she shouldn't have posted, or even considered it, because now she knows and has to say something, otherwise she will be deemed to have interfered with the justice system.

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That is absolute bollocks. It's not even vaguely true.

Regretsmorethanafew · 01/04/2025 05:51

Sallyssn · 01/04/2025 04:32

File for divorce immediately.

You'll send her the 10k, will you?

Mogwais · 01/04/2025 06:02

Piffle11 · 30/03/2025 16:17

Assuming that you are both British nationals and were married in the UK…
Going by my own experience, I had to provide my decree absolute from my first marriage when booking the registrar for my second marriage.

I presume people who knowingly commit bigamy simply claim that they have never been married. If your husband has admitted to a registrar that he has been previously married, then they will ask for his degree absolute, so he cannot be of the opinion that he has been ‘automatically’ divorced due to length of separation.

Same here we had to show decree absolutes before even finalising booking.

CleaningAngel · 01/04/2025 06:10

Boredzebra · 30/03/2025 15:54

I thought after a period of time of no contact it means you’re divorced (I’m wrong)

Edited

No it doesn't, you still have to legally get divorced, when you arrange the wedding etc you have to show your divorce certificate to the registrar, we'll I had too and so did my husband to be

BitOutOfPractice · 01/04/2025 06:20

Goodness op what a nightmare for you. I’m so sorry this arsehole has reared his ugly head again in your life.

And your poor kids (I realise they’re adults but always your kids eh?). What will they do with this information? Will they confront their dad? Are they going to the wedding.

Good luck op. I really hope you do reclaim your name and manage To restore your hard won peace to your life.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/04/2025 06:22

CleaningAngel · 01/04/2025 06:10

No it doesn't, you still have to legally get divorced, when you arrange the wedding etc you have to show your divorce certificate to the registrar, we'll I had too and so did my husband to be

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I’m in the uk and married a divorcé. We were both amazed that we never once had to prove he was divorced.

PerspicaciaTick · 01/04/2025 06:42

If you know where he lives in England or Wales, the simplest thing is to contact the registration office in that area. They will talk you through what you need to do to enter a caveat.
Actually, I think that your local registration office could do this for you as the caveat would then apply nationally.

If he admits to being previously married then he will need to show his decree absolute. If he lies and says he hasn't been married then that would be a police matter once he actually goes through with the bigamous wedding.

StarkleLittleTwink · 01/04/2025 07:07

The whole point of posting banns for 3 months is so that the intended marriage is announced to the public to avoid things like bigamy surely? A bloke I know re-married when he was already married to someone else, though separated obviously, but as both ceremonies took place abroad he got away with it.

Regretsmorethanafew · 01/04/2025 07:08

PerspicaciaTick · 01/04/2025 06:42

If you know where he lives in England or Wales, the simplest thing is to contact the registration office in that area. They will talk you through what you need to do to enter a caveat.
Actually, I think that your local registration office could do this for you as the caveat would then apply nationally.

If he admits to being previously married then he will need to show his decree absolute. If he lies and says he hasn't been married then that would be a police matter once he actually goes through with the bigamous wedding.

Edited

FFS.

Neversayit · 01/04/2025 07:21

OP is in Ireland (ROI) @PerspicaciaTick.

SparklesGlitter · 01/04/2025 07:31

Boredzebra · 30/03/2025 15:54

I thought after a period of time of no contact it means you’re divorced (I’m wrong)

Edited

Have known folks in this situation and it’s an easy sort unlike divorce, but still needs to be declared and made official.

ooooohnoooooo · 01/04/2025 07:31

@Grassisalotgreener just popping I to say that when my 1st marriage was over i changed my name back way before the divorce. It felt wonderful, just like putting on a comfortable pair of shoes after running a marathon in stilettos for the preceding years.

I had no idea how important a name was. Getting mine back made me feel whole and myself again. Remarkable and very empowering. I've since remarried (to a spectacularly wonderful man) and still kept my name.

You are so bloody strong and resilient and I wish you and your kids a long happy life - you deserve it

RampantIvy · 01/04/2025 07:34

This has got to be the worst thread for posters not bothering to read the OP's updates.

THE OP LIVES IN IRELAND

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 01/04/2025 07:37

llizzie · 01/04/2025 01:13

I am getting no jolies out of this. It is a very nasty thing to say. I looked up the Irish law and it MUST be reported if you know of someone who intends to marry bigamously.

Ignorance of the law is no defence.

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You “looked up” Irish law. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 You went on ChatGPT and copy and pasted. Did you add the extra information about violence or not being certain what type of ceremony it is?

I wish there was some way that copying from AI could be blocked 🚫.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 01/04/2025 07:46

Why would.she want to do that and potentially antagonise her ex abuser husband???

berightorbehappy · 01/04/2025 07:56

It must make you feel weird but l’m team “do nothing” Well done in bringing up your kids and repairing your life from this horrible man. Stay quiet and hopefully he’ll run of into the sunset with his new ( poor thing ) wife !

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 01/04/2025 08:31

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 19:46

Fucking hell people
She's not divorced. You can't divorce someone without their knowledge in Ireland.

There's no 101 to call, it's not called the police, you can't get quick divorces, he can't claim her money or her house.....it's not the UK, it's a different country with different laws and rules....
What is wrong with most of the people on this thread?

Edited

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Too 'busy' to read a few posts and get the gist of what's been discussed 🙄

NeshButUpNorth · 01/04/2025 08:49

H0210zero · 31/03/2025 19:20

You can report in confidence to 101 but Id defo wait until after the wedding. Mainly because he'sore.likelynto retaliate now if you were to stop his wedding then to realise where it's come from afterwards. Someone on our local FB group had same issue with her ex. She rang police who literally told her "He hasn't committed a crime yet, let him get married then ring us back" then when she did they put it down as an anonymous report and then arrested him on honeymoon.
Let your kids go find out the type of ceremony so you know if it's humanist or not. Not many get married humanistic without the extra service to legalise it. With his last phonecall he probably realised that he needs a divorce but thought nobody would know. Let him do it. Then ring 101 and make sure you explain the background and any DV. They'll support you and submit in anonymously.

As I understand it, she doesn't want to be the one who reports it.
I can understand that, much better if this angry man confronts her later to be able to honestly say that she had nothing to do with his predicament