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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband getting married

663 replies

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 15:53

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week .
Should i inform someone in authority?
Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

OP posts:
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5
H0210zero · 31/03/2025 19:20

You can report in confidence to 101 but Id defo wait until after the wedding. Mainly because he'sore.likelynto retaliate now if you were to stop his wedding then to realise where it's come from afterwards. Someone on our local FB group had same issue with her ex. She rang police who literally told her "He hasn't committed a crime yet, let him get married then ring us back" then when she did they put it down as an anonymous report and then arrested him on honeymoon.
Let your kids go find out the type of ceremony so you know if it's humanist or not. Not many get married humanistic without the extra service to legalise it. With his last phonecall he probably realised that he needs a divorce but thought nobody would know. Let him do it. Then ring 101 and make sure you explain the background and any DV. They'll support you and submit in anonymously.

Original poster
Grassisalotgreener · 31/03/2025 19:22

On a lighter note my bloody phone thinks im in need of a wedding dress and venue. That would make is both a pair of bigamists, imagine that on the front page of the irish indo 😂

OP posts:
Crazyworldmum · 31/03/2025 19:24

Are you sure you are not divorced ? Plenty of people don’t actually know it’s been granted

Tourist29 · 31/03/2025 19:25

HundredPercentUnsure · 30/03/2025 16:33

Oh please do this. And then come back and update us 😂

Show quote history

Not very nice for their children though

User753175 · 31/03/2025 19:28

Grassisalotgreener · 31/03/2025 19:22

On a lighter note my bloody phone thinks im in need of a wedding dress and venue. That would make is both a pair of bigamists, imagine that on the front page of the irish indo 😂

Do you know anything about your future sister-wife? Could you get somebody to stalk her on social media. The venue might give you a clue as to if it's just a blessing.

Don't look yourself though. Although I'm sure my legally wedded husband's new girlfriend got plenty of new friend suggestions on Facebook after my sisters found out her name.

Original poster
Grassisalotgreener · 31/03/2025 19:28

Crazyworldmum
Stop please..😏

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 31/03/2025 19:35

Tell her anonymously. She has to know somehow!

bridgetreilly · 31/03/2025 19:44

Contact the place/celebrant where he is due to be married and tell them he is still married. They have to do due diligence to ensure both parties are free to be married. If they don’t take you seriously, then someone will need to speak up n the ceremony.

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 19:46

Crazyworldmum · 31/03/2025 19:24

Are you sure you are not divorced ? Plenty of people don’t actually know it’s been granted

Fucking hell people
She's not divorced. You can't divorce someone without their knowledge in Ireland.

There's no 101 to call, it's not called the police, you can't get quick divorces, he can't claim her money or her house.....it's not the UK, it's a different country with different laws and rules....
What is wrong with most of the people on this thread?

WheresYourSnickers · 31/03/2025 19:49

H0210zero · 31/03/2025 19:20

You can report in confidence to 101 but Id defo wait until after the wedding. Mainly because he'sore.likelynto retaliate now if you were to stop his wedding then to realise where it's come from afterwards. Someone on our local FB group had same issue with her ex. She rang police who literally told her "He hasn't committed a crime yet, let him get married then ring us back" then when she did they put it down as an anonymous report and then arrested him on honeymoon.
Let your kids go find out the type of ceremony so you know if it's humanist or not. Not many get married humanistic without the extra service to legalise it. With his last phonecall he probably realised that he needs a divorce but thought nobody would know. Let him do it. Then ring 101 and make sure you explain the background and any DV. They'll support you and submit in anonymously.

101 doesn't exist in Ireland!

llizzie · 31/03/2025 19:54

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 15:53

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week .
Should i inform someone in authority?
Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

I think you have duty to report it.

Will you dare attend and stand up when the words ''If anyone has any legal reason why these two people.......''?

Do it. It is a rare event!

Jocelynjustwantsachance · 31/03/2025 19:55

This reply has been deleted

We've deleted this as it looks like it was posted on the wrong thread.

WheresYourSnickers · 31/03/2025 19:55

llizzie · 31/03/2025 19:54

I think you have duty to report it.

Will you dare attend and stand up when the words ''If anyone has any legal reason why these two people.......''?

Do it. It is a rare event!

Show quote history

Irish weddings don't say such things

CarobBean72 · 31/03/2025 19:57

Grassisalotgreener · 30/03/2025 16:38

That is what i was thinking because you wouldnt go ahead with a marriage witbout getting a divorce, would you? 🤔

Show quote history

Yes, but does the “bride to be” know it’s not a real legal marriage?

I think you inform police (and perhaps local registry office if you know the location) for her sake if no other.

Jocelynjustwantsachance · 31/03/2025 19:57

This reply has been deleted

We've deleted this as it looks like it was posted on the wrong thread.

Sorry wrong thread

Crazyworldmum · 31/03/2025 20:15

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 19:46

Fucking hell people
She's not divorced. You can't divorce someone without their knowledge in Ireland.

There's no 101 to call, it's not called the police, you can't get quick divorces, he can't claim her money or her house.....it's not the UK, it's a different country with different laws and rules....
What is wrong with most of the people on this thread?

Edited
Show quote history

With all due respect I’ve seen it happen a lot of times . I deal with it daily in the U.K. . Is the process that different in Ireland ? All are has to do is call the court and see if there is a decree .

lylagarrity · 31/03/2025 20:15

llizzie · 31/03/2025 19:54

I think you have duty to report it.

Will you dare attend and stand up when the words ''If anyone has any legal reason why these two people.......''?

Do it. It is a rare event!

Show quote history

She has a duty to safeguard herself physically and mentally not provide drama for a thread online.

User753175 · 31/03/2025 20:18

Crazyworldmum · 31/03/2025 20:15

With all due respect I’ve seen it happen a lot of times . I deal with it daily in the U.K. . Is the process that different in Ireland ? All are has to do is call the court and see if there is a decree .

Show quote history

Yes, it's different in Ireland. There's literally no way you could divorce someone without their knowledge.

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 20:23

Crazyworldmum · 31/03/2025 20:15

With all due respect I’ve seen it happen a lot of times . I deal with it daily in the U.K. . Is the process that different in Ireland ? All are has to do is call the court and see if there is a decree .

Show quote history

Yes, it's completely different.

Do you find it so hard to understand that a foreign country has different laws to your country? All due respect is none.

User753175 · 31/03/2025 20:31

Someone mentioned it earlier-divorce only because legal in Ireland in 1996. And until recently you had to be separated for 5 years before you could get divorced.
It's a hangover from Catholic Ireland. The church fought very hard against it, the same as they fought contraception and abortion rights. There isn't a child support agency that you can contact about maintenance or anything like that.
I'm in my 50s and live rurally and I only know a handful of people older than me who went through marriage breakdowns and they all have legal separations, not divorces.

Judecb · 31/03/2025 20:33

As this is illegal, you need to inform the police.

Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 20:35

Judecb · 31/03/2025 20:33

As this is illegal, you need to inform the police.

Inform who?

Judecb · 31/03/2025 20:37

You walk into a police station and report it. This is actually a serious offence.

Original poster
Grassisalotgreener · 31/03/2025 20:38

Judecb · 31/03/2025 20:33

As this is illegal, you need to inform the police.

Judecb
I do not need to inform anyone, i am not the groom, i do not know his wife to be . I know nothing of his life, other than the county i do not know where he lives.

OP posts:
Regretsmorethanafew · 31/03/2025 20:39

Judecb · 31/03/2025 20:37

You walk into a police station and report it. This is actually a serious offence.

You walk into a what? And report a crime that hasn't happened yet, and you don't know will happen?