Husband getting married

[Grassisalotgreener]

Separated 13 years, no contact since children came of age, separated as a result of dv. I was informed today that he is getting Married next week .
Should i inform someone in authority?
Aibu if i report him, i was delighted when he moved on so not upset he is getting married,but im astounded because we are not divorced!

Yes report him.

If he's not hiding it could it just be a blessing not a legal marriage ask your children where the ceremony is taking place.

@Grassisalotgreener I have only just read your thread. Sadly because we are in Ireland where divorce law is very very different a lot of people will have a lot of advice that just does not wash with us. I am so sorry you are dealing with this but from a legal standpoint while you are legally separated and not divorced then you have personally nothing to worry about. Actually its the new missus that should be doing more digging for her own due diligence but that is on her not you, you have been through enough. Let him go through his farcical wedding. He cant gain off you, he cant even gain off her as their marriage wont be legal. He clearly has something in mind and thinks he is playing someone but reality is that he is only playing himself. Hard on the new woman but well you cannot bring more drama to your door because of it. How they got through the three month check we will never know but they did. Absolute prick though, I was once married to a gem like him. They change women not priorities sadly.

Psychoticbreak
Thankyou for reading correctly, all that makes sense to me, i am aware of disrectful remarks he has made about his new wife, felt very sad for her, i do not think she knows his history.
They change woman not prioritise, absolutely this, appreciate the reality check.
Sincerely thanx

I had no contact after I left due to DV, no children. I was able to check online if he had divorced me in my absence ( in UK after 5 years he could have divorced me without my consent but I don’t know if the law in Ireland is similar)
Dont know what I’d do in your situation leave him to crack on and if it comes to light it’s bigamous then that’s his lookout I suppose. And feel sorry for the poor woman either way.

And tbh OP I didn’t even attempt to divorce him because I was terrified he’d find out where I lived. I spoke to one solicitor only and she said I’d have to put my address on court documents so I was out of there so fast. After about 7 years a friend contacted me to say she’d heard he’d died. So at least I saved a big solicitor’s bill.

dogsandcatsandhorses
Sorry that happened to you, yeah the legal system is not understanding of the real dangers to woman escaping dv. Cannot say sorry he passed, good riddance 1 less shit human on the planet.

Is there any access to even brief free legal advice in ROI via a charity esp like a domestic abuse charity?

Im just thinking do you need to double check that you aren’t in any way potentially in trouble for not reporting if you are aware he is getting married and you know he is (possibly) committing a crime?

I totally agree you are well advised to stay out of it as much as possible but I’d really hate anything to come back and bite you when it sounds like that awful man has caused you enough drama and hurt in one lifetime.

Definfely wait until after he’s done it and it might then also be more clear whether it’s a ceremonial event only or actually something with legal substance.

If you aren’t under any obligation to report then I agree stay well out if it but I would just check that one out if you can.

Definfely change your name by deed poll. Surprisingly easy to do as an adult.

And I really hope you get to divorce him in time and end the financial shackle whatever it is. Sounds like that would be the last link in any connection with him and you would be finally free to forget about him forever.

I’d check where you are legally, if not divorced there’s all sorts of financial assets that people assume stop when you split up but actually dont

i recently read about a couple that had separated and the man had after separation had managed to go from rags to riches with a company and idea that didn’t even exist until a few years after separation but the courts awarded a big settlement to her, there wasn’t even any children involved. So pensions, house, savings get advice asap just to be safe

As everyone has said you need to check your marital status. If you are not divorced it can have financial consequences.

Thankyou for the really helpful advice and suggestions, i will be making further plans to end all connections to this man. I am going to monitor the situation and act accordingly.
My own safety and happiness is a priority.
Really appreciate the time you have all taken to respond and it has given me a lot to think about.
Thankyou!

I don't know about Ireland, but in Scotland, you can do a quick search on the Scotland's People website - it was primarily set up for family genealogists, but it's the official website for St Andrew's House, the central registrar for Scotland.

I did a quick check using my late husband's details. He was divorced in the '80s and it does indeed show his divorce. (No payment required for the check, but you then have to make a payment if you want a copy of the divorce certificate sent to you.)

I can't recall whether DH had to take his divorce certificate into the registry office when we applied for the marriage lines, but given our small population it's really easy for officials here to find details online.

When I registered my mum's death, the registrar looked up the details of her marriage to my dad because the death certificates here show all marriages undertaken by the deceased. My husband's death certificate shows both his marriages.

[Irrelevant to modern checks, but in the case of a relative who was married to his first wife during WW1 and divorced in 1938 there was annotation on the original marriage entry to say that the marriage had been divorced. (It was unusual for a working man to obtain a divorce in those days, but he had ample grounds - his first wife had had children to someone else while he was away in the army.) There was no need to send off for a certificate to see the details for a divorce over 100 hundred years ago.]

Yes, in the Republic of Ireland weddings carried out by the Humanist Association of Ireland are legal marriages. Weddings carried out by the Spritualist Association of Ireland are also - these are proving popular becase the HAI doesn't have enough celebrants to meet demand. The HSE (aka registry office, where I got married) operates 9-5 on weekdays in their offices or limited other locations, the only other options are religious and in "Catholic Ireland" a lot fewer than half of marriages now take place in a church. The SAI weddings are still counted as "religious" for statistical purposes, but they can have as much or as little religious or "spiritual" 🙄content as the couple wishes, often it's nothing. Just a way of getting around the limitations of office hours and the very limited availability of humanist celebrants.

It's a bit more complicated than that. You have to file for divorce, it doesn't just happen.

It's possible in the Republic of Ireland to do a DIY divorce for approx. 500 euro. Now whether that still holds in the situation where the other party contests it, I can't say.

@Grassisalotgreener you can pm anytime if needed also. Been there. Ireland is ridiculously slow when it comes to separations and divorces. I wish you all the best cos jaysus they do not make it easy for us to get away from these asshats.

Christ on a fecking bike...she doesn't need to check her marital status, she knows it. She's still married.

Yes, I was at a wedding in Ireland two years ago. The celebrant was a Spiritualist and the ceremony was held on the patio area of the hotel, under a canopy. (It should have been on the beach, but after a week of lovely weather it rained on the day of the ceremony.) I can't recall any religious content in the ceremony.

It's the only time in my life I've been to a three day wedding: pre-wedding dinner, the wedding, after-wedding dinner in a local pub. I had a lovely time.

Yep it was that bloke who owns Ecotricity Vince Neil I think he is called.
They were divorced but he hadnt got a clean break silly billy.

I know humanists can legally perform marriages in Scotland but don't think they can in England.

You are so right to keep out of it.
Tell the children to keep out of it too if they attend the wedding and explain why.
You are doing nothing wrong. His actions are his responsibility and if there's any whiff of a threat to you if you get involved, it's sensible just to keep quiet.

You can get a divorce without notifying the other party if you don't know where they are (or claim that you don't have contact details for them because they live overseas).

This - I know he’s being very stupid, but you’ve also been very silly and naive yourself OP.

The OP has already explained that she doesn't have the means to pay for a divorce.

100% this is not your problem. Laugh inside at the folly of those idiots.