To be sick of the Mother's day obsession

[arcticpandas]

So many mums seem to just have lost it when it comes to Mother's Day. One who is upset with teacher not making something in school for her dc to give her, another who is angry her husband doesn't drive her 13 year old to pick up a sewing machine she wanted for Mother's Day, and one angry with partner for not getting her a card even though she's not his mother and they don't even have dc together. And then we got the Mil-Dil race, who is supposed to be the most worthy of spending the day with son/dh. And one mum who is jealous her Dil doesn't plan for her as she does for her own mother.

The world has gone crazy. What's up with all these entitled grown up women who happen to be mothers? Don't you know that Mother's Day is just for commercial reasons and has nothing to do with the love your child has for you?

I'm happy with a drawing/a card/ whatever any day. We don't do Mother's Day because I'm a mum every day and what I give I get back in hugs, drawings, or as a week ago when my ds 11 had stopped at the shops on his way home just to get me a tablet of my favourite chocolate. That made me happy to tears because he did it because he wanted to make me happy. Not because he felt obliged because of "Mother's Day" or whatever.

I just feel that people are not seeing the bigger picture getting so focussed on one day. If your children and partner make you feel loved and valued in general you don't need a special day for it. If that's not the case maybe that's the reason you're obsessing over this day while you have way bigger fish to fry. Because complaining about not getting this or that or being jealous of mil/dil just make you seem very entitled, immature and not happy with your life in general.

It's because most mothers sacrifice a lot for their children and family with very little acknowledgement, if you feel you aren't appreciated or recognised throughout the year and the one day, it's celebrating you and noone can be bothered.

I always celebrate occasions and I want my children to learn to love to give and appreciate others. I would be upset if I didn't even get a card because I celebrate them all the time, sometimes it's nice to feel loved, seen and heard.

You do you and if you're not bothered, brilliant for you.

Th DIL/MIL dynamic is usually a batshit power struggle though and I can see why any sane husband would just bow out of it. It is ALWAYS about ownership of the day itself. There's always an obvious solution - do one thing one weekend and another thing the next - but for power dynamic reasons it has to be about that one day out of 365.

I totally agree with you. People are so obsessed with mothers day and what they've got, or not got. It comes across as very needy and greedy. Surely you know if your children love you or not and they can show it all year round in many different ways......

I think some people need to living in martyrdom, i know some individuals have genuine mental health issues but I think why some people have children at all is so they can continue the martydom and put their issues onto their children

Exactly. I've literally had a card and a nice bath and DH is taking DS to soft play for a bit of the morning.
But I don't feel the balance of our relationship and how much parenting we do is unfair when taking in all factors so I don't really hang loads on one day. Usually when people are annoyed enough to post on mumsnet it's when there is lots of underlying resentment.

Yep!
True to form, they've already started!

Absolutely agree. I hate being told by society/hallmark when to show kindness and gratitude. I like to give and receive spontaneous effort. Not that I receive it to be fair.

Totally agree. Although this is Mumsnet so it would have an excessive number of somewhat neurotic/entitled posts about it.

I agree that social media has turned it into a competition to see who gets the biggest/ most expensive/ most for Mother's Day, similar to the Valentine's Day posts that are about monetary value rather than emotional meaning of these days. Personally, I loved the simplicity of the handmade cards and sometimes random gifts my dcs gave when they were little. I especially loved the year when my then 5 year old dc2 wanted to buy me some sweets. DH walked them to the local sweetshop where DC carefully selected about £2 worth of the 'penny' sweets which were carefully carried home. When dc1 handed me their homemade card, dc2 gave me the scrunched up bag of sweets and told me that if there were any I didn't like, they would eat them for me! Today I will be helping dc2's child make a card for their mummy ready for when she gets home from work later. I know Dil will love that expression of love from her child as much as I did all those years ago.

My children (teenagers) are quite loving and I'm lucky to have a really supportive husband.

I find the whole commercial 'days' a bit meh tbh. As for valentines, mothers day or even birthdays - I don't value a card and I don't need a gift.

I am having a lie in with a cup of tea that dh made - but that's my usual Sunday!

I agree. It's a nice tradition but tbh I don't really need a "day off" as we share childcare responsibilities equally anyway so I have "me time" during the weeks anyway. We both get one lie-in a week anyway.

DC (5) made me a card with a promise of unlimited cuddles. DH helped him make me a coffee and they brought it proudly to bed. We'll have a nice lunch out but it's something often do on a Sunday anyway. I don't need a huge circus around it and certainly no gifts.

I like being spoilt and am delighted by the card dd made as she's 13 so I wasn't expecting it at all. I bought myself some flowers as I knew what I wanted and could get them on Monday for less than a tenner. However dh messed up the chocolate order but that's all dealt with now. He's cooking a dinner I've chosen and made me a coffee so all good.

If dh gets a present wrong I'd rather let him know so he doesn't waste money again. I tell dd that I adore whatever she gets me so have some very odd stuff from her!

I had lovely cards from my children today. Both home made.

I genuinely don’t understand all the drama. Your children are the greatest gift you ‘ll ever get. What exactly are you asking for appreciation for? Being a mother? That is the reward! Yes it can be tough at times and there’s a lot of sacrifice. But them beaming with joy after scoring a goal at football…their little voice and look of concentration at the school carol concert…them cuddling into you on the sofa after a long day at school…these moments and a million others are what make it worth it! Not some daft present. Sorry if it sounds schmaltzy but I think people have gone mad. We’re having a roast dinner and going for a walk at our local nature reserve with the two youngest today…my eldest is at cricket training. I could have made him come but my happiness is in seeing him doing the thing he loves. Isn’t that the essence of motherhood? And I’m really far from being a martyr!

Yes it’s getting a bit crazy. My husband took my kids shopping yesterday to get me something for Mother’s Day. They got me a little gift that they chose themselves (not expensive). I love it so much because they chose it. I find it strange when Mother’s Day becomes about extravagant treats. My husband will cook lunch today and we will all go for a walk together. It’s the little things that count.

Falling over yourselves to declare how happy you are with nothing. Martyrs.

now you're being really silly.

A martyr is someone who suffers in silence.

if people are declaring that they aren't bothered, then they aren't suffering are they.

They've been going for days. The most bizarre one was the one berating the husband for not facilitating the child lugging a sewing machine home.

It’s definitely about feeling unappreciated the rest of the year. To be honest though most mums I know do a lot for their families pretty ungrudgingly all the time, making an effort for one day shouldn’t be too much. I got flowers, a beautiful glitter bomb of a home made card and a massage at a lovely spa, I see that as perfectly reasonable and I don’t feel like it’s too much for my family to do for me. Tbf I’d probably be happy with a home made card but I think we do talk a lot on mumsnet about how womens labour is often unappreciated so I don’t see whats wrong with expecting something to mark a day.

Of course ideally you wouldn’t be feeling under appreciated because your husband is actually pulling his weight the rest of the bloody year and your family shows mutual appreciation.

Mother’s Day is really important to me, it’s so dear to my heart and a holiday that really feels worth celebrating. That being said, it’s absolutely not about a present or anythng like that for me, it’s about reflection. I think mothers (the good ones of which the majority are thankfully) are incredible. I think it’s important to take some time to acknowledge that. My own mum passed away very suddenly and this is my third Mother’s Day without her. I miss her every day and even though I’m still grieving, I don’t feel as alone in it all today. I feel a solidarity with all the other daughters out there missing their mums. My son is coming to visit and we’re going to have dinner and watch a movie and I’m so looking forward to it, it makes me reflect on raising him over the years and I feel very lucky to have him. It’s makes me think of all the women in the world and their struggles and plights as mothers, daughters, those who’ve lost babies, children, who struggled to conceive, step mums…. The whole shebang, It really feels like a big day to me. Its sad that it gets lost sometimes in consumerism etc but I truly believe it’s a great thing to celebrate.

Im not particularly bothered about mother's day....I ignored it way before I had kids as my mother was dead...so It has never been a big thing for me. I also don't care about valentine's day or even my birthday to be honest.

I’m packing my family off to a match today. House to myself. Bliss.

I dont expect a huge fuss. I'm getting breakfast made, I got a plant and we're having a takeaway. I think that's lovely!! Nothing over the top but some little treats.
The fact is I take good care of my family all year round and it's nice to have a day where i feel like I'm being appreciated and made a fuss off. Ok, I'm appreciated every day but this is the day when I put my feet up all day. It's nice.
I also ensure we make a fuss of DH on father's day and we make the children feel very special on birthdays and Christmas. I see nothing wrong with these little celebrations. It's adds a little something special to normal, mundane life!

I assume you’re American if this is your view? Mothering Sunday has a long history it the UK, nothing to do with commercialism at all.

It was the history of visiting the mother parish on the 4th Sunday of lent, mostly servants who would be working at easter, they went home to visit family and go to their own parish church.

It is now a commercial dream by making it about mums rather than the church

It’s actually laughable because most of these women don’t appear emotionally mature enough to even have children! Makes me cringe every year the posts on here of them moaning.

Same! Dick if people asking me what is planned. I only pay lip service to it for my own mother but absolutely not bothered got myself.