To be sick of the Mother's day obsession

[arcticpandas]

So many mums seem to just have lost it when it comes to Mother's Day. One who is upset with teacher not making something in school for her dc to give her, another who is angry her husband doesn't drive her 13 year old to pick up a sewing machine she wanted for Mother's Day, and one angry with partner for not getting her a card even though she's not his mother and they don't even have dc together. And then we got the Mil-Dil race, who is supposed to be the most worthy of spending the day with son/dh. And one mum who is jealous her Dil doesn't plan for her as she does for her own mother.

The world has gone crazy. What's up with all these entitled grown up women who happen to be mothers? Don't you know that Mother's Day is just for commercial reasons and has nothing to do with the love your child has for you?

I'm happy with a drawing/a card/ whatever any day. We don't do Mother's Day because I'm a mum every day and what I give I get back in hugs, drawings, or as a week ago when my ds 11 had stopped at the shops on his way home just to get me a tablet of my favourite chocolate. That made me happy to tears because he did it because he wanted to make me happy. Not because he felt obliged because of "Mother's Day" or whatever.

I just feel that people are not seeing the bigger picture getting so focussed on one day. If your children and partner make you feel loved and valued in general you don't need a special day for it. If that's not the case maybe that's the reason you're obsessing over this day while you have way bigger fish to fry. Because complaining about not getting this or that or being jealous of mil/dil just make you seem very entitled, immature and not happy with your life in general.

So we can do away with birthdays as well then 🤔

The origins of Mother’s Day are from the Victorian era when youngsters were sent away from home to work in rich homes as servants or Nanny’s. They were given a Sunday off during lent to return home to attend mass at their ‘mother’ church. They then went to see their actual mothers as it was a day off from work.

My DC used to give me Mother's Day cards when they were at primary school, probably because their teachers made them make one. I made all the right noises but I didn't really feel as if Mother's Day was "for" me. It was for my own mum and MIL. Now they're both gone, I was surprised when someone said to me, "What are you doing for Mother's Day?" "Well, nothing, I haven't got my mum any more." I honestly didn't realise what they were getting at at first. I certainly won't be dropping any hints!

I don't know anyone who makes a big fuss about mother's day. Personally I think it's nice to have a day devoted to mothers but different strokes for different folks. Dh and I both lost our mums in the last few months, our adult dc are planning a special day out for us and I am looking forward to it.

The very mention of Mothers Day makes me recoil. I’ve hated it since I lost my mum and went through years being upset on the day, then years of disappointment once I became a mother and my ex made no effort, years of nothing after we split when they were little. So now it means nothing to me.
However, I do think mums who have people in their life that they make all the effort for, and then this day comes and is marketed as a day to be spoiled and appreciated - of course it’s going to hurt when no one does that for them. And I do think it’s really sad that so many mums are left feeling like this.
I’m glad I’m free of that now. But I empathise (to a point).

There are different mums for different dramas though…

There are the ‘doing it for likes’ social media narcs. They don’t actually give a shit about anything but getting the curated photo. They’re the types that shout at the children for not smiling properly on the Facebook ‘look how much of a princess I am on Mother’s Day because I’m the world’s best mum’ brag.

Then there are the mums who shacked up with the knob who can barely function as an adult but still live in the vain hope he might muster up a trip to the card shop with the kids. No. He won’t. He still is a child Lauren. You do his washing and make his work sandwiches. You are not getting a Mother’s Day card because that’s what you get when you breed with an idiot man-child.

Then there is DIL/MIL dynamic. Always a useless DH in the middle.

Normal families just muddle through, usually have no overblown expectations, they communicate effectively and are usually flexible and inclusive of all the mums.

It really does show what we've become as a society. I'm finding many of the threads over the last few days (about various topics) quite sad and disturbing. It's all about me, me, me and all superficial shit

Exactly. It’s fine to rail against the increasing consumer slant companies put on religious celebrations (Eid seemed really commercialised this year too) but ridiculous to call traditional celebrations made up to sell cards without taking the time to understand the meaning behind it.

We don’t celebrate ‘Mother’s Day’ in the U.K. we celebrate Mothering Sunday.

The title of this thread should be something like: Has the Americanisation of Mothering Sunday driven some women off the deep end.

The answer is that actually women are pulled in so many different directions these days looking after home and family with little acknowledgment from their loved ones that they are desperate for any small opportunity to get some thanks and recognition.

100% with you.

So much drama over a Hallmark Day designed to flog shit, which turns it's 'you don't love me' because they husband or partner didn't ensure they got bought lunch at a shitty over priced second rate pub (because anywhere actually good really was beyond planning).

It's commercialised misery.

I'm much happier not getting a card, than half the women who do, because I know what an utter load of bollocks it is.

Follow my lead bin it.

Haha, no I'm not going down that rabbit hole even though I admit that I rather not make a big deal out of my own birthday (Mil and dh are big on bdays so don't have a say:) but I get that it's horses for courses. Then again it's all about expectations isn't it. Some people feel let down even with cards, presents and restaurant and always want more like a holiday/go horseriding/more expensive gifts/acknowledgment on Instagram etc (all previous threads from "let down" women on MN😄).

Yes but Mothering Sunday has roots in the church - not buying extravagant gifts and cards.

As did Christmas 😀

And how many Brits are remotely practising Christians anymore?

Excellent post! Thank you.
Of course, all this drama also applies to all the Easter/Christmas/any other BH event. The drama of where to spend the day, who with, what's the pecking order, how much my family loves me is dependent on the number of cards/presents and/or value...
It's exhausting and so not what getting women out of the 'just get married, have children, pamper your husband until you die' expectation many worked so hard to escape from.

I don’t think it’s deranged women getting worked up over a random day, more it’s the straw that breaks the camels back. A lot of women have to put up with a lot of shit from their husbands over the year whether that’s general laziness or weaponised incompetence and there is one day that the women are supposed to be put first for once and when it doesn’t happen, emotions are heightened.

Exactly my point. If they’re not practicing Christians, why are they celebrating?

I don’t have anything against getting your mum something nice, a nice card and showing her a bit of appreciation - I’ve done it for my mum. What I hate is how extravagant it’s become. How you have to spend hundreds, have to have the perfect day. It goes beyond celebrating your mum at that pans becomes a show of “look at me, look at how brilliant I am!”

To many on MN (but not me), the church and/or organised religion is the root of many of the woes in the world, including Mother's Day. 😄 Those are not my words - I am merely quoting the many recurring threads about religious wars, MILs "indoctrinating" children with Noah's Ark toys, schools "indoctrinating" children with bibles, threads about Bible content being presented as fact, threads about sky fairies, imaginary friends, etc, and the importance of the phrase "some people believe".

I agree. I think this is more about their relationship at all times of the year.

I agree in principle, but in reality the fact I haven’t even had a card this morning does make me feel a little disappointed.

I think its more that any special occasion tends to highlight how shit some men are the rest of the year.

I've had a homemade card, coffee and breakfast in bed, with a very small gift chosen very thoughtfully. None of that is commercial. And my kid loves doing it.

100% agree. Sounds like most of these mothers have problems in their relationship and i’m not sure why they are surprised that their partner makes zero effort. I agree that its all just commercial nonsense. My kids have other plans today and me and the dog are going to go for a walk and catch up with some netflix.

The OP is completely right.

If your children and partner make you feel loved and valued in general you don't need a special day for it. If that's not the case maybe that's the reason you're obsessing over this day while you have way bigger fish to fry.

This is the crux of it.

The idea that motherhood (or, in the case of Valentine's Day, coupledom) can only be celebrated on ONE day of the year is batshit when you think about it. It's pure commerce - the marketing around it is designed to make you feel as though this one day is the greatest litmus test of your emotional relationships. That's bollocks.

You should feel loved and valued every day of the year. That should be your default setting in a relationship. There shouldn't ever be "just one day" of the year that's about you. If you feel that, living your emotional life according to the whims of a Hallmark calendar makes even less sense. Yes, it's nice to do special things and to be treated, but it's completely unimportant whether you do that on Mother's/Valentine's Day or a week later or a week earlier or sometime in May or in the middle of October.

If you don't feel loved or valued every day of the year, then whether your useless husband gets it together on Mother's Day or not is irrelevant to your real problem. If you do feel loved and valued as the default, it ceases to be a problem at all.

I’m just glad that my DM and MIL are both reasonable humans who don’t expect to be treated like royalty. We’re seeing neither today - see DM during the week as she looks after our DC but MIL lives 2.5hrs away and we’re seeing her in a couple of weeks anyway. They’re both always happy with whatever gift we’ve got for them.

Of course it's been turned into a money-making thing by businesses like everything else is.
But I think anything that celebrates women and mothers is a good thing overall.
It's just one day and it's entirely your choice how involved or not involved you get with it.

But just a small amount of time on these boards is enough to tell you how tough life is for many mums out there so I think 1 day out of 365 to celebrate them isn't too much to ask.